After being moved to tears by the sworn enemy's pheromones - Chapter 55

“Gu Yu…” Shen Jin called Gu Yu’s name, unsure of how to comfort him.

As the effects of the medication wore off, he woke up after a nap and felt much better. The external injuries were not as severe as the fights he used to have in high school. He sat up easily, feeling pained and wanting to touch Gu Yu’s injured forehead.

That injury was from when Gu Yu helped him deal with Du Jun, but for some reason, Gu Yu avoided him, his voice low as if drowned: “Is this what you meant by… having something very important on Saturday?”

Shen Jin’s raised hand paused in mid-air. The expressions of those around him told him that things were not good. He quickly licked his dry lips and conceded: “I didn’t mean to hide it from you…”

Gu Yu’s voice was harsh, questioning: “Is this what you call not meaning to?”

Several people were watching, and Shen Jin had no choice but to force a smile, trying to apologize and cover up.

But seeing this, Gu Yu clenched his fists, his eyelashes trembling and unable to speak.

Shen Jin then noticed that Gu Yu’s hands had been trembling slightly since earlier, completely out of his control.

Shen Jin was stunned and hurriedly explained: “Originally, according to our plan, such a situation was impossible. Yan Ze and the others were nearby, but—”

“But what? But you didn’t think an alpha might carry random drugs with him?” Gu Yu raised his eyes. His once clear and sharp gaze was now unusually tired, with red and swollen surroundings, seeming to be so exhausted that no light could penetrate, “Before it was beer bottles… this time it was drugs. Next time it could be a portable knife… Whoever dares to resist could be stabbed. Do you think alphas don’t do such things?”

No one around dared to speak. Gu Yu restrained his tears, asking word by word: “You refused to discuss such a dangerous matter with me before our date… even when we happened to meet here, you didn’t plan to tell me?”

“You were sure Yan Ze and the others were around, so you thought it was safe… based on what? Who are they to you, or what kind of life-and-death bond do you have with them? If Du Jun really pulled out a knife… who could actually risk their life to save you?”

Shen Jin couldn’t answer a single word. Qin Zhu stepped forward anxiously, trying to mediate: “Gu Yu, don’t be like this… It’s my fault. It was all my mistake from start to finish—”

Yan Ze licked his lips and spoke up: “As an alpha, I didn’t fulfill my responsibilities. It’s our swimming team’s fault, and has nothing to do with Shen Jin.”

But Gu Yu couldn’t hear them clearly; he just looked at Shen Jin with his pitifully red eyes: “…They think I’m blaming you, but I just want to ask, if I hadn’t been here today… what do you think would have been the consequence of hiding this from me?”

Under the dim, dry light, Gu Yu’s voice trembled, almost unable to contain the hidden sob. Shen Jin’s lips were stiff, and every word he wanted to say turned into the same phrase: “I… was afraid you’d worry.”

“It’s… you’re afraid I’d worry, I know you’re afraid I’d worry…” Gu Yu struggled to hold back tears, pulling his hand back, “So… knowing that I’d worry and knowing the danger, you still chose to hide it from me—”

The air grew heavier. Shen Jin moved his lips, exhausted and unable to speak. Gu Yu lowered his head and quickly wiped his eyes, his voice desolate: “You see, you still planned to meet me for a meal on Sunday… Were you going to tell me that the injuries you got from being beaten were just accidental falls? You have your reasons, and I have no grounds to blame you. I just feel… like I am unnecessary.”

Shen Jin was stunned, desperately trying to speak but unable to say anything. After a while, Gu Yu stood up, his face hidden in the shadow of the dim light: “Maybe Yan Ze’s WeChat message was right… This is your matter and has nothing to do with me. They are all your good brothers and friends, and I am the only outsider.”

Shen Jin knew he was wrong but didn’t expect Gu Yu to turn around and really leave.

That back was still like the one he had been chasing for years, seemingly unchanged.

This made Shen Jin momentarily dazed, hurriedly asking: “Where are you going…”

Xu Tingyun quickly pulled Qin Zhu and Yan Ze out and closed the door. In the quiet guest room, only Gu Yu answered with a pained voice: “Senior, you didn’t tell me anything… Where I go doesn’t necessarily need to be informed to you.”

The light was blurry. Shen Jin swallowed the dry and bitter taste in his mouth, lowering his hand and remaining silent.

Perhaps, he was just that incapable. Afraid of making more mistakes or saying something wrong, Gu Yu might really decide he was too much of a hassle.

A few seconds later, Gu Yu walked towards the door. Shen Jin helplessly watched him, wanting to cry but unable to speak.

At that moment, he realized that even after seven years, he still had only this little ability. It seemed that every time he saw Gu Yu, he could never say what he wanted to say.

In the cold, quiet night, it seemed that this was the seventh year he liked Gu Yu and also his seventh year of self-deception.

The so-called affection that started with this year’s Mid-Autumn Festival hug was just an excuse he told himself—actually, everything he had never admitted or dared to face was love.

In reality, bothering you every few days wasn’t just about holding old grudges; it was also to attract your attention. I always argue with you and can’t match you, but I just can’t help but provoke you.

In reality, I get jealous easily and fear that you might respond to someone else’s affection, so whenever I have a chance, I come to find you outside the lower-floor classrooms. Even a little “intimidation” effect is good.

In reality, I knew the chocolates you gave me were expired, but I still happily ate two, even if it caused stomach pain or dry mouth, I cherished them like treasures.

In reality, during Qixi Festival, I waited near your home just to see you from afar, not having the courage to give you the gift I bought. When I saw you with your gentle and lovely childhood friend, I felt unbearably pained and, despite my frustration, insisted on confronting you.

I deeply regret it. In front of his gentleness and obedience, I was even more unreasonable. Even a fool knows you must prefer him.

That night, you didn’t know I had blood marks from being choked by him, and I secretly cried before I even got home.

You don’t know that I tried to test if you might have a slight chance of liking me through Cheng Jie and Ruan Zhu. At that time, your answer was as I expected—you would never like someone who always argues and fights with you. But my heart was like being cut with a knife, and I no longer dared to speak easily.

You also don’t know that I used to dislike my omega identity.

When I was young and showed signs of differentiation, my parents’ indifference grew deeper. Every day, I wondered why I was born into this world and destined to become an omega.

But when I truly differentiated into an omega, I unexpectedly found that it was not as painful as I had imagined.

The physical reaction made me cry continuously, but my mind kept thinking that differentiating into an omega wasn’t all bad. The pheromone’s fatal effect works on both of us, and even if you dislike me, there is still a possibility of hugging, kissing, or even wanting to mark me, which is something I couldn’t achieve as an alpha or beta.

This slight possibility was what supported me through that New Year’s Eve and many long, lonely nights of anticipation.

Song Yizhi once asked me if the cream-flavored chips were my first kiss. I honestly answered him that they were not.

A long time ago, when you knocked me down with a basketball, I dragged you to the infirmary, making you wait for a long time. While no one was paying attention, I took the chance to steal a kiss on the area closest to your lips.

At that time, you were so tired from waiting that you dozed off on the bench, clutching a cotton ball in your hand.

My wickedness and filth were fully exposed at that moment, but I didn’t care: what was so shameful about a stolen kiss? It might as well have been my first kiss, and probably, it would be something I would never dare to do again in this lifetime.

My feelings for you were so unremarkable that I repeatedly cleaned my festering wounds and deceived myself into thinking it wasn’t love.

—The rain during our senior year was heavy, so heavy that he could never wait for you. Thus, he struggled through that hopeless and long unrequited love. When he saw you again, he had already become indifferent, treating you as just an ordinary junior with whom he had a grudge.

Later, it was I who gradually fell for you, unrelated to the hot-tempered and stubborn Shen Jin of my youth.

“Gu Yu, do you really like me…?”

Under the heavy light, Shen Jin didn’t know why he asked this question, only that it was perhaps the hardest thing he had said in seven years.

The yellowish light weighed down Gu Yu’s figure, and he didn’t answer, but his shoulders trembled slightly.

Shen Jin quickly snapped back to reality, hurriedly wiping his face and saying, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said such harsh things…”

He desperately suppressed his breath and quickly added, “You should go downstairs and rest for a while. Talk to anyone, as long as it’s not Song Yizhi—maybe buy a box of milk and go to bed early. We’ll talk tomorrow when we’re both calm, okay?”

After speaking, he wiped his eyes vigorously, hoping Gu Yu would give him an answer soon.

He knew that emotional discussions weren’t suitable at the moment; if things continued, he would end up saying something hurtful again. So, reason told him that letting Gu Yu leave for a while was also good.

But he waited so long that he was almost unable to hold back his tears, and Gu Yu didn’t leave.

Instead of following his advice, Gu Yu sat back down beside him, lowered his eyes, and held his fingers, clasping his hand in his palm.

Shen Jin was slightly stunned, feeling a warm hand cover his tear-soaked cheek, gently rubbing.

Under the light, Gu Yu used his fingertips to wipe Shen Jin’s face, seemingly trying to appear indifferent, but unable to hide the pain and sadness in his eyes from being hurt by Shen Jin earlier.

But no matter how much he was hurt, Gu Yu couldn’t let go of him.

Gu Yu even repeatedly brushed away the remaining tears from Shen Jin’s eyes, suppressing all the sadness in his tone, and asked, “So… is it really that serious? I said a couple of harsh words in a moment of panic, and now senior thinks I don’t love you anymore?”

Before Shen Jin could respond, Gu Yu leaned in and hugged him, continuing, “I’m sorry… I won’t leave or speak so loudly anymore, okay?”

Shen Jin leaned against Gu Yu’s chest, as if he had never enjoyed such unconditional indulgence and affection. After a moment of shock, he curled up, gripping Gu Yu’s clothes tightly with both hands.

He wanted to apologize, but Gu Yu repeatedly kissed the side of his face and his ear, interrupting him.

Gu Yu’s voice trembled, but he still comforted him: “Anyway, many years from now… when we’ve become old men and talk about today, you’ll surely laugh at me for being petty over a small matter, and I’ll say I don’t know who was hiding in my arms crying for a long time, so—”

It sounded like Gu Yu was about to cry too: “So senior was just saying things in anger and didn’t completely ignore my feelings, right?”

He was afraid, afraid that over the years, he had never made Shen Jin feel any warmth.

Even if Shen Jin didn’t like him back then, he still didn’t want to believe he had hidden it so well.

The summer night’s thunderstorm had extinguished all his stubbornness. Shen Jin hated him so much, hating him to the point of always seeking trouble with him, wanting to fight him, and even tricking him into meeting alone to get even, but never showing up.

Perhaps, he wasn’t qualified to laugh at He Senzhou. Back then, standing in the most fearful thunderstorm, waiting foolishly, thinking Shen Jin would come, wasn’t he also a stray dog abandoned by someone?

Shen Jin would probably talk about this prank with new college friends, mentioning that there was a junior who was foolish enough to think anyone wanted to talk to their rival before graduation.

His story with his senior should have ended there.

But he didn’t want to fulfill Shen Jin’s wish, so he forcibly reappeared in Shen Jin’s life, only wanting to ask his heart for an answer.