Even a Lonely Squirrel Has Its Burrow - Chapter 101

Chapter 101

When he got out of the car, his heart had felt unbearably heavy, but by the time he returned, it was noticeably lighter. Sa Muheon confirmed that Garam wasn’t in a bad mood and silently started the car. Garam gazed at the gradually receding columbarium building with a calm heart. The last time he had visited, he had cried uncontrollably at the thought of leaving his grandmother there, but today, for some reason, his heart didn’t feel as troubled as before.

It was only when the columbarium was no longer in sight that Garam turned his head and stared intently at Sa Muheon, who was driving. He was sure Muheon must have felt his gaze, yet he showed no particular reaction and remained focused on the road. Even though Muheon’s eyes weren’t on him, Garam didn’t mind. He continued to watch Muheon’s profile for a little longer before eventually turning his head back to the window.

Tap, tap—.

A gentle tapping on the back of his hand startled Garam awake. He had been looking out the window at the scenery just moments ago, but at some point, he must have dozed off without realizing it. Pressing his palm against his still-racing heart, he turned to the side. Sa Muheon had a faint smile on his lips.

“Looked like you were sleeping well. Did I wake you for nothing?”

“Oh, no.”

Garam awkwardly ran a hand through his hair. Having slept with his head against the window, one side of his hair seemed oddly flattened. Muheon glanced at him briefly before turning his gaze back to the road.

“Want to grab something to eat before heading home?”

“Ah….”

It was only after hearing those words that Garam noticed how much darker the surroundings had become.

“You should’ve just woken me up….”

Feeling embarrassed that he had been sleeping soundly while Muheon was driving such a long distance, Garam muttered in an awkward tone.

“It wasn’t that far. You must’ve been tired after traveling all the way out there on your day off, so I figured it’d be good for you to get some rest while we were on the road.”

Muheon responded as if it were nothing. Garam looked at him with a slightly puzzled expression. The trip had been entirely for Garam’s sake—it had nothing to do with Muheon. Yet, Muheon had acted as if Garam had simply accompanied him on his own errand, making sure Garam was comfortable along the way.

“…But you only went because of me.”

“Well….”

Garam pointed it out, but Muheon only let out a vague response and shrugged his shoulders.

“So, are you hungry or not?”

“I think I could just eat something simple at home…. Should we stop somewhere?”

“Nah, I’m not that hungry either. Let’s just go home.”

“Okay.”

Garam could tell that Muheon was trying to change the subject, but he let him. Either way, the fact remained that Muheon had remembered his grandmother’s memorial day and had taken Garam all the way there. Muheon didn’t seem to consider it a big deal, but to Garam, even the smallest of his words and actions were something to be grateful for.

The car ride back was mostly silent. Occasionally, when they stopped at a traffic light, the only sound was Muheon tapping his fingers lightly against the steering wheel. But the silence between them didn’t feel uncomfortable. If this had been in the past, it would have felt awkward or even burdensome. Had he simply gotten used to it? Or was it because of his growing feelings for Muheon? The quiet between them no longer felt heavy—it was peaceful.

Once the car came to a stop, Muheon turned off the engine and got out first. Garam quickly followed suit. Muheon slowed his pace slightly, as if considering Garam behind him. Watching his retreating figure, Garam hastened his steps and reached out to grab the sleeve of Muheon’s jacket.

“Uh….”

As soon as his sleeve was held, Muheon immediately halted and turned around. His gaze was unreadable. Garam wondered what Muheon was thinking. But there were some things he didn’t need to ask to understand. Anyone who had witnessed Muheon’s actions today would know. Looking directly into Muheon’s eyes, Garam cautiously spoke.

“Thank you for today.”

With that, Garam bowed deeply. Even if the person standing before him wasn’t the Sa Muheon he liked, he would still have felt the same gratitude for what had happened today. But because it was Muheon, the feeling of gratitude carried an even deeper significance.

As Garam bowed, Muheon quickly reached out to grasp his shoulders and straighten him up. With a slightly flustered expression, Muheon shook his head.

“You don’t have to make such a big deal out of it.”

His tone was casual, almost dismissive, but Garam could tell he was feeling a bit embarrassed. That made Garam smile a little.

“No, I really mean it. I almost forgot about it completely.”

“But in the end, you didn’t, so it’s fine.”

Hearing that, Garam lowered his head. Muheon might be acting as if it were nothing, but that only made Garam feel even more self-conscious. Muheon seemed so mature, so dependable, while Garam felt like nothing more than a child in comparison.

When Muheon had said he had something to tell him, Garam had also wanted to say something in return.

Tonight, he wanted to finally speak the words he had been holding close to his heart. He wanted to ask Muheon if he felt the same way—if he harbored feelings similar to his own.

But now, any hope of confessing had vanished. To Muheon, Garam must still seem like a child who couldn’t even take care of his own responsibilities. If he was seen as someone who needed constant looking after, how could he expect his feelings to be taken seriously?

Swish—.

Until that moment, Garam had been holding onto Sa Muheon’s sleeve, but the strength in his grip gradually faded. The smooth fabric slipping through his fingers felt like an answer to his unspoken feelings. As if it had been a fleeting hope he was never meant to have in the first place.

Just as Garam was about to withdraw his hand in resignation, a large hand suddenly grasped his retreating fingers, as if refusing to let go.

“Kang Garam.”

“Ah….”

Garam’s eyes widened. Because Muheon usually called him by affectionate or teasing nicknames, hearing his full name from him felt strangely unfamiliar. When Garam lifted his head to look at him, he saw that Muheon was gazing at him with a seriousness he had never shown before.

For some reason, Garam felt like he already knew what Muheon was about to say. He wanted to run away, but Muheon’s firm grip on his hand made it impossible to pull back. When Garam unconsciously flinched and tried to move his fingers, Muheon only tightened his grasp.

“Do you remember when I said I had something I wanted to tell you today?”

“…Yes.”

Garam nodded weakly. He remembered every word Muheon had said. But… right now, he wasn’t sure if he had the courage to hear what was coming next. He barely managed to open his mouth.

“Uh, I’m sorry, but… would it be okay if I heard it another time?”

“When?”

“Well, um… when I’ve had some time to prepare myself….”

Garam mumbled, avoiding his gaze. In truth, he was just struggling to keep his voice from trembling. He barely had the composure to form a coherent response. But Muheon, either unaware of Garam’s distress or unwilling to let it slide, pressed on.

“When will that be?”

“……”

“If I wait, will the day come when you’re finally ready?”

There was no answer to that. Garam simply shut his mouth. Muheon stared at him in silence, as if waiting for a response. Then, after a moment, he squeezed Garam’s hand once before slowly letting go.

Garam had been the one to say he wasn’t ready, yet, ironically, he was the one who was most shaken when Muheon released his hand. His eyes widened as he looked up at Muheon in a daze.

“…Alright.”

Muheon was wearing an expression Garam had never seen before—a bitter smile. Though there was a faint curve to his lips, the sadness in it felt like it was tearing Garam apart.

“I thought you might have something to say to me, too.”

“…Ah.”

“But it looks like you’re not ready yet.”

Muheon let out a quiet chuckle as he said that. Then, lifting the same hand that had just held Garam’s, he gently cupped Garam’s cheek. It was only when Muheon’s fingers brushed over his skin that Garam realized he was crying.

“Don’t cry.”

He hadn’t even known he was crying a moment ago. Yet, the moment Muheon said those words, the tears that had been welling up burst forth uncontrollably. Muheon let out a troubled sigh and, with careful fingers, wiped away the tears rolling down Garam’s cheeks.

“It doesn’t have to be today. I’m not going anywhere, and you’re not leaving either.”

“Hhic….”

“When you’re ready to hear it, I’ll tell you then.”

Sniffling, Garam nodded again and again. He hadn’t heard what Muheon wanted to say, but he already knew. He had known from the start.

“When that time comes, tell me what you’ve been wanting to say, too.”

“Sniff… okay, okay….”

Even through his tear-blurred vision, Garam could see that Muheon was smiling. But this time, it wasn’t a bitter smile—it was the kind of expression someone wore when looking at something precious. Seeing that face only made Garam cry even harder.