Tan Hua - Chapter 44

It was already late at night when Song Liqing returned to Qilin Mansion.

 

“Where did you go?”

 

Jun Qiyu was unexpectedly waiting in the room, and as soon as Song Liqing entered, he started questioning him.

 

“I went out for a walk.”

 

“If you wanted to go for a walk, you should have waited for me to come back. I could have gone with you. You went so far, and it’s already dark. Do you know I was worried about you? You’re not very mobile to begin with. What if something happened to you at night?”

 

Jun Qiyu spoke so many words in one breath, it was clear he was truly anxious.

 

“Really? Day or night makes no difference to me.”

 

“You…” Jun Qiyu felt uncomfortable hearing this. “Can’t you talk without being so harsh?”

 

“Harsh?”

 

Song Liqing had no intention of silently blaming Jun Qiyu; he just said it on a whim.

 

“Does Your Highness want to hear pleasing words? But I am not Hu Nu’er.”

 

Jun Qiyu was at a loss for words.

 

“Fine, fine. I’m just glad you came home safely.”

 

Jun Qiyu chose to compromise.

 

After all, he was the one at fault first.

 

“Didn’t you say you wanted osmanthus cake? I bought some for you. Here, try it.”

 

Song Liqing actually had no appetite. Whether it was savory or sweet, it easily made him nauseous. But if he didn’t eat, Jun Qiyu would ask questions for half a day, so he simply took a small bite.

 

Watching him chew, Jun Qiyu felt a special emotion.

 

“You’re just like before, leaving a small piece by your mouth. Is it for me?”

 

Jun Qiyu leaned forward, intending to lick the crumbs from the corner of Song Liqing’s mouth like he did when they were kids.

 

Song Liqing sensed Jun Qiyu’s breath approaching and moved back, making Jun Qiyu’s lips miss him.

 

Then Song Liqing quickly wiped the crumbs from his mouth with the back of his hand.

 

Jun Qiyu looked at him with disappointment. His rejection was all too clear, and it deeply hurt Jun Qiyu’s pride.

 

“You said it. I personally bought you osmanthus cake, let you order me around, and the past is settled!”

 

Song Liqing wanted to brush it off. Maybe if he smiled at Jun Qiyu now and said a few nice words, Jun Qiyu wouldn’t press the issue.

 

But he found that no matter what, he couldn’t bring himself to smile.

 

Before he could respond, Jun Qiyu cupped the back of his head and pulled him towards his lips.

 

Jun Qiyu’s kiss was sudden and fierce. Song Liqing had no chance to resist.

 

“Mmph… no… don’t!”

 

Jun Qiyu didn’t stop, but he did soften his movements, trying to use gentle, lingering kisses to awaken Song Liqing’s affection.

 

But Song Liqing didn’t respond at all, his tongue constantly evading.

 

When Jun Qiyu finally let him go, Song Liqing was gasping for breath.

 

Jun Qiyu lifted him into the air and placed him on the bed. He kissed his forehead, then moved to his cheek and jaw, trying to undo Song Liqing’s collar. Song Liqing grabbed his collar tightly.

 

This time, Jun Qiyu didn’t use force. He whispered into Song Liqing’s ear.

 

“Liqing… can’t we just let go of the past?”

 

“What does Your Highness mean by this?” Song Liqing asked.

 

“I want to let go of my grudges against you and start anew. Can’t you stop clinging to past misunderstandings?”

 

Song Liqing felt a mix of emotions.

 

If only Jun Qiyu had said this earlier.

 

If only he hadn’t completely lost hope.

 

If only he didn’t know he was a prince of the former dynasty.

 

But, alas, life is unpredictable, and there are no “ifs.”

 

The Irreconcilable Knot.

 

The deadlock between them couldn’t be easily resolved with a simple statement of misunderstanding.

 

“Why?”

 

Jun Qiyu spoke in a somewhat awkward tone, “I might… might actually like you. Father was right; you’re the most suitable person to be my Crown Princess.”

 

His affection was simple and naive.

 

To Song Liqing, however, it didn’t stir much emotion.

 

Song Liqing had always thought of Jun Qiyu as a spoiled child. But he would eventually learn that no one would wait forever for him to grow up.

 

“Your Highness, rest early. Don’t oversleep and miss the morning court tomorrow.”

 

After saying that, Song Liqing turned to his side.

 

Jun Qiyu also lay down and embraced him from behind.

 

“You said you would never leave me, right?”

 

“I did.”

 

But sorry, I’m going to break that promise.

 

Song Liqing thought to himself.

 

Not loving someone isn’t that hard, is it?

 

Satisfied with the response, Jun Qiyu fell asleep.

 

“I knew you couldn’t bear to leave me, nor could you live without me.”

 

Jun Qiyu murmured while holding Song Liqing.

 

He was always so confident and fearless.

 

……

 

Song Liqing woke up earlier than Jun Qiyu. Now that he couldn’t assist Jun Qiyu with dressing as he used to, Xiao Di helped him instead.

 

Song Liqing sat aside.

 

“Your Highness, I had them make the new robes more elaborate than before. Do you like them? Do they fit?”

 

Jun Qiyu happily donned his new court robes, looking down and seeing that they were exactly to his liking.

 

“They fit perfectly! How do you understand my taste so well?”

 

Song Liqing smiled.

 

“I’ve taught Xiao Di how to make a few of your favorite snacks. Whenever you want to eat them, just ask her to make them for you.”

 

Jun Qiyu glanced back at him.

 

“If it’s not made by you, it won’t taste as good.”

 

“I can’t make them anymore,” Song Liqing replied.

 

Jun Qiyu thought he was referring to his injuries.

 

“Don’t worry, your eyes will be healed, and your hands will get better soon.”

 

As a comfort, Jun Qiyu walked over and kissed Song Liqing’s forehead.

 

“I’m off. Wait for me to come back from court.”

 

“Alright.”

 

As Jun Qiyu strode towards the door, Song Liqing suddenly called out.

 

“Your Highness.”

 

“Is there something else?”

 

Jun Qiyu stopped in his tracks.

 

“Nothing…”

 

Song Liqing seemed to have a lot more to say, but kept it to himself.

 

“And the ink you like to use is in the bottom bookcase. When reviewing memorials, use a cinnabar pen. Don’t mix them up again.”

 

“Oh,” Jun Qiyu said strangely, “can’t I just have you fetch them for me?”

 

He still felt that Song Liqing was acting odd, constantly giving instructions. Though he usually nagged about minor details, today he was speaking incoherently.

 

Jun Qiyu was slightly puzzled and glanced back several times as he left.

 

It was a typical autumn day, with clear and crisp weather. Song Liqing sat there, bathed in the gentle morning sunlight. The shadows of the bare branches fell on his plain robe, and his face looked peaceful and calm, as if he was enveloped in a halo.

 

It was an ordinary day.

 

So Jun Qiyu never thought it would be Song Liqing’s last day at the Qilin Residence.

 

…

 

Song Liqing sat quietly for nearly half an hour.

 

“Xiao Di, move the charcoal brazier to the yard.”

 

“Okay,” Xiao Di complied but asked, “Are you going to bask in the sun in the yard, sir?”

 

“Call a few people to help me move my clothing trunks out.”

 

Although puzzled by Song Liqing’s instructions, Xiao Di never questioned them.

 

Although Song Liqing had brought many clothes from the General’s Mansion, he viewed these external things lightly and wore only a few items regularly.

 

“This is your favorite cloak.”

 

Song Liqing took it, stroked the fur on his lap, and just when Xiao Di thought he was using the cloak to keep warm, he threw it into the burning charcoal fire.

 

“Ah!” Xiao Di exclaimed, “Sir, what are you doing?”

 

“I won’t need them anymore.”

 

Song Liqing said calmly, throwing another garment into the brazier.

 

In the dry autumn, the clothes quickly caught fire as soon as they touched the charcoal, and flames rose swiftly.

 

Xiao Di was stunned and watched as Song Liqing threw one expensive piece of clothing after another into the fire.

 

Song Liqing touched an object in the trunk.

 

He took it out and examined it for a moment. It was a brocade pouch containing a jade piece engraved with his and Jun Qiyu’s names and two strands of hair tied together.

 

Xiao Di, seeing this, exclaimed in panic, “Sir, you can’t burn this. You always kept it at the bottom of your trunk because it’s so important!”

 

But Song Liqing remained indifferent, tossing these items and the hair into the brazier as well.

 

“Sir… this is your and His Highness’s love token. If you burn it, it will be gone forever!” Xiao Di lamented. “Even if you no longer love His Highness, it’s a testament to your bond. Don’t you want to keep a memento?”

 

“No, we were never suited for each other. It was just my one-sided persistence.”

 

Song Liqing’s face, illuminated by the firelight, did not reveal the turmoil in his heart.

 

Xiao Di did not object further. Even she hadn’t expected Song Liqing to be so resolute. She stood by him, silently accompanying him.

 

“Sir,” Xiao Di said, tears streaming down her face, “you were so kind to His Highness this morning. I thought you’d forgiven him and reconciled.”

 

“How could that be? There’s no such thing as reconciliation. Once a garment is torn, even the best repair leaves a scar. I don’t hate him, but I don’t love him anymore. He’s not worth it.”

 

Xiao Di retorted, “You’re lying to yourself. You obviously hate His Highness, or why else would you burn all your things?”

 

“I want to erase all traces of myself, so he won’t find me in this life or the next.”

 

Song Liqing’s soft words carried all his bitterness, regret, anger, and reluctance.

 

Feeling the heat of the flames, Song Liqing slowly untied the tassel hanging from his waist.

 

Xiao Di grabbed his arm, pleading, “Sir… this is something you cherish more than your life. Can you really part with it?”

 

Song Liqing held the tassel, stroking it repeatedly.

 

It was the origin of his feelings, his obsession, his heart’s knot.

 

“Xiao Di, look at this tassel. Hasn’t its color faded?”

 

“Yes…” Xiao Di choked out, “It’s faded.”

 

“Good.”

 

Song Liqing nodded. The tassel arced through the air and was swallowed by the flames. The fire in Song Liqing’s eyes seemed to be mourning his last bit of affection.

 

He sat in front of the brazier, watching as the fire slowly died down.

 

Inside, it buried his past.

 

He had turned his love into ashes with his own hands.

 

“Xiao Di, let’s go.”

 

Xiao Di helped him up.

 

“Sir, where are you going?”

 

“To court,” Song Liqing replied.

 

Author’s Note:

 

The author has nothing to say