Tan Hua - Chapter 51

When Song Liqing opened his eyes, it was midnight. He could vaguely see some dim candlelight, and everything around him was quiet. He sat up in a panic.

 

He was clearly back in his own home, but every time he woke up in terror, without exception.

 

Jun Qiyu had become his nightmare.

 

“Liqing, don’t be afraid, I’m here.”

 

Pei Xingxu’s voice rang in his ears as he held Song Liqing’s cold hand.

 

Song Liqing finally felt a bit more at ease. After catching his breath, he realized his thin shirt was soaked in cold sweat.

 

Pei Xingxu wiped the sweat from his forehead.

 

“What’s wrong? Still dreaming about Jun Qiyu?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Song Liqing couldn’t deny it. He was always haunted by that nightmare.

 

“When did I fall asleep?”

 

“You cried yourself to sleep while talking. It’s the third watch now,” Pei Xingxu replied.

 

“So late…”

 

Song Liqing heard the north wind sweeping away the leaves outside. He curled up, hugging his knees. He felt extremely cold, not because of the weather, but from a chill deep within.

 

He even felt his blood was cold.

 

“Have you been sitting here all night?” Song Liqing asked Pei Xingxu.

 

“I saw you sleeping soundly and didn’t want to disturb you.”

 

Pei Xingxu said this as he got up from the bed and spoke from a bit further away.

 

“Your clothes are all wet. It’s easy to catch a cold. Are your clothes in this cabinet?”

 

“Mm.”

 

Song Liqing’s room was simply furnished, with only a single huanghuali wood wardrobe.

 

He felt a bit panicked because he was sleeping longer and longer every day, always feeling drowsy, and he couldn’t muster any energy, often falling asleep without warning.

 

After changing into a thin shirt, Song Liqing lay down again, and Pei Xingxu sat by the bed.

 

“Liqing, I came today to tell you something,” Pei Xingxu said despondently. “A fast horse from Loulan brought a letter saying my father is gravely ill and may not have many days left. Even if I rush back, I don’t know if I can see him one last time.”

 

“When are you leaving?” Song Liqing asked.

 

Pei Xingxu replied heavily, “Tomorrow.”

 

“You should leave as soon as possible.”

 

Song Liqing understood and empathized.

 

But he couldn’t help feeling a bit reluctant.

 

He didn’t know when Pei Xingxu would return after leaving, nor if he would be able to wait until then.

 

Then he heard Pei Xingxu say, “Liqing, come to Loulan with me?”

 

Song Liqing was taken aback.

 

“What do you think?” Pei Xingxu continued, “I can’t feel at ease leaving you alone in the capital. The people of Loulan are simple and warm, good at singing and dancing, not inferior to those of Jingguo. There are vast deserts, oases, and poplar forests there. You’ll surely love that place. And if you’re with me, I’ll protect you for a lifetime. You won’t have to worry or be afraid in Jingguo’s capital.”

 

Song Liqing couldn’t help but be tempted. He had spent his life at his desk, never seeing much of the world.

 

Moreover, Pei Xingxu would be there.

 

Song Liqing also wanted to see with his own eyes the vast deserts and setting sun that Jun Qiyu had mentioned, to understand what kind of place it was that had shaped Jun Qiyu into someone so unrecognizable to him.

 

“It must be a paradise,” Song Liqing said wistfully. “Is it far from Silimu Lake?”

 

This was his private thought; he wanted to see where his mother had died.

 

“It’s both near and far. Yili is rich in water and grass, with fat cattle and sheep. Silimu Lake is at the end of Yili. We call it the Pure Sea at the Edge of the Sky.”

 

“It sounds beautiful, but far away,” Song Liqing lowered his gaze. “But I can’t go. Even if I went, I wouldn’t see much.”

 

Pei Xingxu’s smile faded.

 

He had already considered it. Song Liqing wasn’t someone who could just leave everything behind. He couldn’t abandon his family.

 

Both Pei Xingxu and Song Liqing knew that if Song Liqing left, there might never be a reunion with his family.

 

“I’m sorry, Xingxu.”

 

Song Liqing could only say these three words.

 

“I understand.”

 

Pei Xingxu said he understood, but his heart ached. He couldn’t suppress the grief welling up, his nose tingling, his eyes burning. He wiped the tears from the corners of his eyes, trying not to make a sound.

 

But Song Liqing knew he was crying.

 

“Then… if I get better, I’ll come to Loulan to find you,” Song Liqing promised.

 

“Liqing,” Pei Xingxu’s voice was choked with tears, “I know you have your obligations… but I’m so afraid. I’m afraid that when I come back, I won’t see you again.”

 

Pei Xingxu held Song Liqing’s hand against his cheek, struggling to hold back his sobs.

 

Sorrow welled up in Song Liqing’s heart. Pei Xingxu had always been careful with his emotions. They both knew Loulan was far away, even with a fast carriage, it would take at least a month.

 

“I promise you, I’ll wait for your return.”

 

Pei Xingxu wiped away his tears and said with a heavy heart, “Okay, no breaking your promise.”

 

Song Liqing gently replied, “Mm.”

 

Pei Xingxu restrained his grief, but when he left, he looked back several times, repeatedly affirming the same sentence.

 

“You promised, so you must not break your word.”

 

Song Liqing also patiently responded several times.

 

Once Pei Xingxu left, Song Liqing felt the room become cold and empty. He always felt a draft in his bedding, no matter how much he wrapped himself, unable to stop the chill. He could only curl up into a ball, tossing and turning all night, finding it hard to sleep.

 

The next morning, Pei Xingxu left early, and Song Liqing went to see him off.

 

The carriage stopped at the outskirts of the city. Song Liqing and Pei Xingxu walked side by side through a plum forest. Though their hearts were filled with unspoken words, they remained silent.

 

The once lush green mountains now appeared desolate in this season, with a sense of bleakness pervading the landscape. The plum blossoms wouldn’t bloom at this time; only bare branches were visible.

 

The first ray of sunlight from the east fell on Song Liqing. His light breaths as he walked exhaled golden mist in the cold air.

 

“Liqing, what are you thinking?” Pei Xingxu broke the silence.

 

“I’m thinking that the last time I came here was five years ago.”

 

Song Liqing inhaled the cold air, his nose filled with its chill.

 

“Were you here to admire the plum blossoms with someone?” Pei Xingxu asked curiously.

 

Song Liqing shook his head.

 

“I came to bury a wolf I raised.”

 

“A wolf?”

 

Pei Xingxu couldn’t believe it. Song Liqing’s temperament seemed completely incompatible with a wolf.

 

“With your personality, how did you come to raise a wolf?”

 

“Yes, when I was a child, Jun Qiyu took me out to skip classes. We came across a street performance, and Jun Qiyu bought a puppy from the performer. Later, we realized it was a snow wolf cub. You know, he even gave it a silly name, ‘Little Pig.’”

 

Song Liqing smiled faintly, moved by the innocence and joy of his childhood.

 

“At that time, Jun Qiyu wasn’t as bad. Though mischievous, he was also chivalrous. He took the wolf cub from the performer but gave them plenty of silver…” Song Liqing suddenly stopped. “Forget it, I don’t want to talk about him.”

 

Pei Xingxu turned his head, looking at Song Liqing’s clear and stunning profile. His eyelashes, tinted gold by the morning sun, made him seem as if even in the bleakest season, spring was in bloom when he smiled.

 

But Pei Xingxu felt a faint sadness.

 

He hadn’t been a part of Song Liqing’s past.

 

This was his lifelong regret.

 

“It’s okay, I want to hear it.”

 

Song Liqing said quietly, “You see, Jun Qiyu is always like this. He buys something but then neglects it. It was me who raised Little Pig, and when it died of old age, he didn’t even ask about it when he returned from the Western Regions. He must have forgotten.”

 

He was talking about the snow wolf.

 

But also about himself.

 

“I can’t see it. Can you help me find Little Pig’s grave? It should be… to the northwest.”

 

He buried it to the northwest of the plum forest, hoping it could be closer to Jun Qiyu.

 

“Sure.”

 

Pei Xingxu agreed readily, leading Song Liqing through the plum forest. The place wasn’t chaotic, as the authorities had arranged for people to maintain it, so they quickly found the small grave.

 

“Is this it?”

 

Pei Xingxu placed Song Liqing’s hand on the tombstone.

 

Song Liqing touched the engravings on the low tombstone, a smile appearing on his lips.

 

“Yes, I personally erected this tombstone for him.” Song Liqing squatted down and said, “Little Pig, I’ve come to see you. You probably can’t hear me. If you are reincarnated as a human, may you be born into a good family. You don’t need to be rich and noble, just safe and sound.”

 

Pei Xingxu stood silently beside him, his eyes never leaving Song Liqing. How could there be such a gentle person in the world? Even when covered in scars, he bore no malice towards the world, pets, or even enemies.

 

“Alright, if you don’t leave soon, you’ll miss the time. You need to reach the next relay station before nightfall, or the long journey will be fraught with dangers.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Pei Xingxu didn’t leave immediately but faced Song Liqing.

 

“Before I go, will you let me do something?”

 

Song Liqing raised his head slightly and asked, “What?”

 

Pei Xingxu’s warm kiss landed on his forehead.

 

Song Liqing was caught off guard.

 

“I couldn’t wait for your permission,” Pei Xingxu finally said playfully. “If you’re angry, remember to wait for me to come back and give me a good scolding.”

 

Pei Xingxu mounted his horse. Although usually gentle and refined, his movements on horseback were swift and graceful.

 

“Be careful on the road.”

 

Song Liqing smiled again. Jun Qiyu was right; he really was like a worried old mother.

 

“Did you forget? I grew up on horseback.”

 

Yes, he was a prince of the Western Regions, surely better at riding than anyone.

 

Song Liqing regretted not being able to see his dashing figure.

 

The sound of horse hooves faded into the distance.

 

Until Song Liqing could no longer hear it, silence enveloped the surroundings.

 

Only then did Song Liqing feel that Pei Xingxu had truly left.

 

He stood there for a long time, feeling a sense of loss.

 

After a long while, he realized the sun was already high. He turned to leave.

 

After a few steps, he felt a ringing in his ears. His vision blurred as if all his strength was drained. He knelt on the ground, his stomach wracked with intense pain.

 

After vomiting a mouthful of blood, Song Liqing lost consciousness.

 

Under the plum tree, the bright red blood formed a sinister pattern, like blooming winter plum blossoms.

 

On the branch, a small plum blossom, which should have budded in the cold of winter, unexpectedly bloomed early.

 

Blood-red sunset.