Tan Hua - Chapter 79: I'm Sorry

What greeted Jun Qiyu was a crisp and resounding slap.

 

The slap abruptly jolted him out of the intoxicated haze of tenderness. Covering his face, Jun Qiyu felt the chaos in his eyes disperse. For a moment, he dared neither to get angry nor to speak.

 

No one had ever slapped him before—especially not on the face.

 

Jun Qiyu was never someone who could tolerate humiliation, but after being stunned for a while, he silently retreated, sitting sullenly by the bedside. He gazed at Song Liqing, who had already fallen back asleep, his expression tranquil.

 

The slap from earlier had been a purely unconscious act of rejection, delivered instinctively against the encroachment of another. After delivering the slap, Song Liqing had simply turned his head and resumed sleeping soundly.

 

Jun Qiyu sat by the bedside, keeping watch until weariness overwhelmed him. He finally closed his eyes to rest, though his sleep was restless. Anxiety over having lost and regained something precious plagued him, causing him to awaken repeatedly, checking time and again to ensure Song Liqing was still there.

 

In the end, he clasped Song Liqing’s hand in his own, finally finding some semblance of peace.

 

Holding onto this person’s hand filled him with a sense of security.

 

Unexpectedly, Jun Qiyu slept until dawn. Realizing his hand was empty, he abruptly raised his head to find that Song Liqing had left without a trace.

 

Panic seized him momentarily, but upon rushing to Pei Xingxu’s hall, he saw that Song Liqing was already washed, dressed, and sitting there enjoying breakfast as if nothing had happened.

 

“Why are you barging in so recklessly… cousin?” Pei Xingxu asked.

 

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Jun Qiyu replied, collecting himself.

 

Song Liqing turned to glance at him and asked, “Cousin, how are you? Have you eaten breakfast yet?”

 

“Not yet.”

 

“Then join me,” Song Liqing offered, pausing briefly before adding, “Did you sleep well last night? Was it cold?”

 

Jun Qiyu noticed the trembling hands clutching Song Liqing’s chopsticks and found the attempt at casual conversation amusing.

 

The pretense was overly deliberate.

 

Clearly, Song Liqing was not adept at lying; his awkwardness was painfully obvious.

 

Pei Xingxu raised an eyebrow, remarking, “Liqing, you’re quite talkative today.”

 

“Huh?” Song Liqing’s expression stiffened.

 

Pei Xingxu was astute, and Song Liqing’s unusual behavior was hard to miss.

 

Curious, Pei Xingxu asked, “You’re usually so reserved around strangers. You only met ‘Cousin’ yesterday. What’s this? Have you two grown close?”

 

“No! We’re not close!” Song Liqing hastily denied. “It’s just… he’s your relative, so I thought…”

 

His excuse faltered halfway through.

 

“Oh, I see.”

 

Luckily, Pei Xingxu trusted him and didn’t probe further.

 

As guests invited to the wedding continued to arrive over the next few days, Pei Xingxu left breakfast halfway through to attend to them, leaving Song Liqing and Jun Qiyu alone.

 

Once Pei Xingxu had left, Song Liqing visibly relaxed.

 

“You mustn’t tell anyone I stayed in your room last night,” he warned Jun Qiyu immediately.

 

“Why not?”

 

Jun Qiyu feigned ignorance.

 

“Because I’m engaged now, and such behavior is improper,” Song Liqing explained earnestly. “If Xingxu finds out, he’ll be upset, even though we were innocent.”

 

Jun Qiyu scoffed internally.

 

The situation left a bitter taste in his mouth. Once, he and Song Liqing could be as intimate as they pleased. Now, they had to sneak around even for something as innocent as sleeping in the same room.

 

And the fact that Song Liqing was protecting his virtue wasn’t for him.

 

Jealousy burned in Jun Qiyu’s chest.

 

“You understand, right? You can’t even mention us drinking together. It has to remain a secret,” Song Liqing stressed.

 

“I understand.”

 

Suppressing his envy, Jun Qiyu reluctantly agreed.

 

The only solace he found was that this secret remained a link between him and Song Liqing.

 

Night after night, Song Liqing continued sneaking to the kitchen for late-night feasts, and Jun Qiyu always waited. These moments alone with Song Liqing became his haven.

 

Jun Qiyu reveled in these stolen moments of joy until the wedding drew near.

 

He had been suppressing his thoughts, trying not to dwell on it, but reality was inescapable. After tonight, Song Liqing would marry Pei Xingxu.

 

He stood in the dark, waiting for what felt like an eternity before Song Liqing finally appeared.

 

“I thought you weren’t coming,” Jun Qiyu said.

 

“This is the last time I’ll drink. After the wedding, Xingxu and I will live together, and there won’t be opportunities to sneak out,” Song Liqing explained, his tone subdued.

 

That night, Song Liqing drank more than usual. He barely spoke, downing cup after cup of sweet milk wine.

 

Even Jun Qiyu, dense as he sometimes was, noticed his low spirits.

 

“You’re not happy?” he asked.

 

“No,” Song Liqing replied bluntly, his words already tinged with drunkenness.

 

“Is it because you won’t be able to drink anymore?” Jun Qiyu probed.

 

Song Liqing shook his head.

 

“Is it because… you don’t want to marry Pei Xingxu? You don’t like him?” Jun Qiyu pressed further.

 

Song Liqing shook his head again.

 

“Xingxu is the kindest person to me in this world. I’m happy to marry him.”

 

Jun Qiyu was baffled. “Then what’s wrong?”

 

“I don’t know,” Song Liqing muttered.

 

Even he couldn’t articulate the reason for his unease. It was simply an instinctive heaviness weighing on his heart.

 

Jun Qiyu didn’t get the answer he wanted to hear.

 

If only Song Liqing would say he didn’t like Pei Xingxu, or that he didn’t want to marry him, Jun Qiyu would have whisked him away without hesitation.

 

“Cousin…” Song Liqing called out, his eyes rimmed red.

 

“What is it?”

 

“I’m scared,” Song Liqing admitted softly.

 

Seeing his pitiful expression, Jun Qiyu felt his heart melt.

 

“What are you afraid of?”

 

“I don’t know. I’m just scared.”

 

Song Liqing murmured before slumping over the table, falling into a drunken slumber.

 

Jun Qiyu sat beside him, motionless.

 

He took a swig of strong barley wine from the flask, the fiery liquid burning his throat, matching the turmoil blazing in his chest.

 

As Song Liqing mumbled in his sleep, his voice grew clearer:

 

“No marriage… No marriage… Never again…”

 

His hands flailed weakly as if trying to push something away, cowering in fear.

 

Jun Qiyu finally understood what he was afraid of.

 

He feared marriage.

 

He was terrified of history repeating itself, of falling from one abyss into another.

 

Song Liqing’s nightmares raged on, his murmurs turning into sobs.

 

“Don’t hit me… It hurts… It hurts so much… Don’t hit me… I was wrong, I know I was wrong. Jun Qiyu…”

 

Jun Qiyu’s heart clenched painfully at the sound of his own name.

 

The scars he had left on Song Liqing ran bone-deep.

 

“I was wrong… I shouldn’t have married you… I shouldn’t have been the crown princess… Wuwuwu…”

 

Song Liqing wept, starting with soft whimpers that grew into wrenching sobs, his breathing hitching with the force of his despair.

 

Tears streamed down his face, his entire body trembling.

 

Jun Qiyu pulled him into his arms, and the trembling gradually subsided. Song Liqing curled into a ball, like a wounded little beast seeking solace in hiding.

 

“I’m sorry, Liqing. I’m so sorry,” Jun Qiyu whispered hoarsely, his eyes brimming with tears.

 

But the apology came far too late.