Tan Hua - Chapter 82: Unwilling

Chapter 82: Unwilling

 

Pei Xingxu didn’t know what Su Zhao intended to do, but he was unwilling to let Song Liqing be the test subject.

 

Even if it meant gaining Song Liqing’s wholehearted love, the risk was too great.

 

“Liqing.”

 

Pei Xingxu walked up behind Song Liqing, placing a hand on his shoulder.

 

“Hmm?”

 

Song Liqing turned his head slowly and evenly, appearing stiff. He looked at Pei Xingxu with empty eyes. But since Song Liqing had lost his sight, his gaze often appeared unfocused, so Pei Xingxu didn’t think much of it.

 

“I’m back,” Pei Xingxu said with a smile. “Did you finish the milk tofu?”

 

Song Liqing nodded woodenly, his lips quivering.

 

“I love you.”

 

“What?”

 

Pei Xingxu was stunned by his abrupt words.

 

“Love you,” Song Liqing repeated slowly, enunciating each word. “I… love… you.”

 

Immense joy descended upon Pei Xingxu. He had longed to hear those three words so much that his rationality was almost drowned in ecstasy.

 

“Liqing…” Pei Xingxu said emotionally, “I love you too.”

 

Song Liqing stood up and walked toward Pei Xingxu. Only then did Pei Xingxu notice something off. When Song Liqing spoke those words, his face was expressionless, and his eyes held no emotion, only a mechanical emptiness, like a lifeless puppet.

 

“Liqing…”

 

Pei Xingxu’s earlier joy was instantly washed away. He turned to Su Zhao with a guarded look, only to see Su Zhao watching smugly, arms crossed, as if enjoying the show.

 

Before Pei Xingxu could say anything, a pair of lips pressed against his. A shiver ran through Pei Xingxu’s body, leaving him speechless, his mind filled only with the warmth of the kiss.

 

The banquet guests erupted in cheers at the sight. Loulan was a land of openness and passion; public displays of affection were seen as declarations of love. They celebrated their king and queen with song and dance, the men and women of Loulan performing fiery, lively dances.

 

“Woo—”

 

“Long live!”

 

“Long live our king and queen!”

 

Their cheers filled the air, but in one corner, a somber atmosphere stood in stark contrast.

 

The Jing Kingdom envoys looked sullen, avoiding the sight of the affectionate couple and instead cautiously glancing at Jun Qiyu.

 

Jun Qiyu’s face had darkened completely, as if storm clouds had gathered. His sharp eyes glinted with hostility, his tightly drawn lips resembling a bowstring.

 

“This is utterly disgraceful…” Elder Qi, noticing his worsening expression, quickly tried to console him. “Your Highness, there’s no need to be angry over someone so fickle. It’s not worth it.”

 

Jun Qiyu didn’t respond. If his fury could materialize, the entire hall would already be ablaze.

 

All sounds around him faded away; his focus was solely on that person, on the lips he had once kissed and dismissed. Now that kiss was shared with someone else, and it filled him with jealousy.

 

What’s more, it was clear as day—Song Liqing initiated it.

 

That hurt more than a knife to his heart.

 

He’d rather be sliced a thousand times than witness Song Liqing willingly embrace someone else.

 

What made it worse was that after the kiss, Song Liqing didn’t pull away but instead deepened it, passionately and fervently.

 

Jun Qiyu clenched the edge of the table, his pain finding no outlet.

 

“Snap—”

 

The table’s edge broke under Jun Qiyu’s grip, the wood crumbling into splinters in his hands.

 

“This…”

 

Elder Qi’s heart was in his throat. Song Liqing left no room for past sentiments. No matter how affectionate he was with the King of Loulan, couldn’t he hold back a little? Jun Qiyu wasn’t someone who could tolerate such provocation.

 

“Your Highness, people are fickle. You’ve already divorced. Song Liqing has found new love. Your Highness should move on.”

 

Jun Qiyu couldn’t sit still any longer and stood abruptly.

 

“Your Highness!”

 

Elder Qi, fearing he might act rashly, quickly called out.

 

“Your Highness, please don’t act impulsively! You’re the Crown Prince of Jing Kingdom; you can’t lose decorum and disgrace the kingdom. There are countless beauties in the world; why fixate on one person… Your Highness!”

 

Jun Qiyu strode out without looking back. Elder Qi was speechless but relieved that he didn’t do anything extreme and merely left in anger.

 

Elder Qi sighed in relief.

 

“At least His Highness has matured. He knows the importance of state affairs over petty emotions.”

 

Under Song Liqing’s kiss, Pei Xingxu’s mind went momentarily blank.

 

But slowly, the mechanical nature of the kiss brought him back to reality.

 

Song Liqing’s movements were repetitive, like completing a task, entirely unlike the fiery passion the onlookers imagined.

 

Pei Xingxu’s racing heart gradually calmed.

 

“Liqing.”

 

He pushed Song Liqing away, holding his shoulders. Song Liqing’s vacant expression made Pei Xingxu wary.

 

“Liqing.”

 

He shook Song Liqing’s shoulders and called out several times.

 

Finally, Song Liqing’s rigid features moved slightly, his eyelids fluttering as he looked up in confusion.

 

“Huh? Were you calling me?” Song Liqing asked groggily, like waking from a dream. “Xingxu-gege, when did you get back?”

 

Pei Xingxu froze.

 

This innocent, kind Song Liqing was clearly a completely different person from earlier.

 

From his tone, it seemed he had no memory of what had just happened.

 

Why was that?

 

Pei Xingxu’s expression grew grim. “Prince Su Zhao, I don’t care what sorcery you used to control Liqing, but there will not be a next time.”

 

“Is that so? But just now, weren’t you happy?”

 

Pei Xingxu opened his mouth but couldn’t deny it.

 

It was the happiness he had longed for, even though he now knew Song Liqing’s actions had been unconscious. He couldn’t help but indulge in it.

 

Song Liqing’s warmth, his softness—everything about him made Pei Xingxu unable to let go.

 

“It seems so.” Su Zhao answered for him. “Loving someone who doesn’t love you is painful, isn’t it? That feeling of never being able to enter their world… Why endure it? Why not fight for it? Is it because you think you’re unworthy, cursed, and unable to bring him happiness? Did you marry him just to fulfill your dying wish? You know full well that in his current state, he’s merely your queen in name, and you dare not harbor any other desires, do you? Don’t deceive yourself. You want him…”

 

Pei Xingxu’s defenses crumbled completely.

 

These were the thoughts buried deep in his heart.

 

“Shut up!” Pei Xingxu barked. “I want to have him, but not through manipulation! I won’t let anyone harm him.”

 

“I haven’t harmed him, honorable King of Loulan. My methods pose no danger to him.” Su Zhao continued to tempt him. “The greatest regret in life isn’t being unable to achieve something—it’s knowing you could have.”

 

The two argued heatedly while Song Liqing glanced left and right, frowning.

 

Finally, Song Liqing said, “What’s he rambling about? It’s giving me a headache.”

 

Pei Xingxu gently replied, “I’ll throw him out right away.”

 

“No need, I’ll leave on my own.” Su Zhao said at last. “Oh, by the way, Your Majesty, if you ever regret it, you can find me in the royal city.”

 

Su Zhao bowed and departed, fiddling with a ring on his finger as a satisfied smile spread across his face.

 

“Jun Qiyu left already? This is just the beginning, Crown Prince…”

 

Back in the sleeping quarters with Song Liqing, Pei Xingxu’s emotions remained turbulent.

 

Su Zhao’s words had stirred up a storm in his once-resigned heart.

 

He looked at Song Liqing, bitterness welling up inside.

 

Why…

 

Why was it that despite everything he had sacrificed, even his chance at life, he still couldn’t win a sliver of his beloved’s genuine affection?

 

And Jun Qiyu—what had he done? He had done nothing, only hurt Song Liqing, yet Song Liqing clung to him, unable to let go.

 

How was he inferior to him?

 

“Fate is so cruel…”

 

Pei Xingxu’s suppressed emotions erupted into a coughing fit.

 

“Xingxu-gege.”

 

Song Liqing handed him a cup of tea when he heard him coughing badly.

 

Pei Xingxu felt slightly better. At least now, he had gotten his wish. For the remainder of his fleeting time, Song Liqing would accompany him as his queen. What more could he want?

 

Pei Xingxu took a sip of tea and asked softly, “Liqing, do you love me?”

 

Song Liqing nodded without hesitation.

 

“Of course.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes.”

 

A smile tugged at the corners

 

He looked at Song Liqing’s pink lips and couldn’t help but feel moved. Leaning in slowly, he closed his eyes, but just as he touched Song Liqing’s lips, Song Liqing pulled back and covered his mouth.

 

“What’s wrong?” Pei Xingxu opened his eyes and asked.

 

“No kissing,” Song Liqing shook his head, a trace of resistance in his eyes.

 

Pei Xingxu was hurt by this rejection, a sharp pain stabbing at his heart.

 

“Why? You’re my queen now. We’re lovers. Don’t you want to kiss me?” Pei Xingxu asked.

 

Song Liqing lowered his head, unwilling to think about it.

 

Because it hadn’t brought him any pleasant memories—only shadows.

 

All he could recall was Jun Qiyu’s brutality in bed, how much it hurt, and the blood that had poured out.

 

It was nothing short of a nightmare.

 

Song Liqing didn’t want it to happen a second time.

 

“Kissing right after getting married… wouldn’t that mean… that we’ll have to consummate later…”

 

Song Liqing’s face turned pale. He thought all intimacy was the same.

 

Pei Xingxu, watching his rejection, felt his burning passion fade away.

 

He really didn’t want it.

 

The love Song Liqing gave him was so little, so little, not even a fraction of what he gave Jun Qiyu.

 

No matter how much he did… he could never replace Jun Qiyu in Song Liqing’s heart.

 

Why?

 

Why?!

 

Pei Xingxu cried out in his heart, the veins on his forehead visible.

 

“Liqing,” Pei Xingxu asked with reddened eyes, “Why not? Is it because… you’re still thinking about Jun Qiyu?”

 

Hearing that name, Song Liqing trembled.

 

He couldn’t stop shaking. Lowering his head, he tried to hide, as if only by doing so could he feel safe.

 

Pei Xingxu, seeing his frightened state, couldn’t help but feel heartache.

 

“I’m sorry, Liqing. I shouldn’t have asked… I won’t force you.”

 

Pei Xingxu embraced him, guilt filling his heart.

 

Along with despair.