The three idiots who couldn't become heroes are preparing a man's meal today as well. - Chapter 11

Episode 11: Alcohol, Equipment, and an All-Nighter

---

A day off—an oasis in life.

Until now, we had spent our days hunting boars and wolves in the mountains, standing night watches, and taking turns sleeping in three-hour shifts.

What a comfortable life it was.

After all, we got to sleep for a whole six hours a day.

As for Minami, I made sure she got at least 8 to 9 hours, telling her, “Kids need their sleep as part of their job.”

All of us had worked in borderline black companies before, so we were experts at cutting down on sleep.

But that wouldn’t be good for a kid.

She looked about twelve—still small and frail.

She needed to eat well and sleep properly. We could think about other things once she was older, but for now, her health was the priority.

That aside, ever since coming to this world, my body has been in the best shape ever.

After leveling up, I could pull off acrobatics with ease and even go full throttle for an hour without feeling exhausted.

Even though I was a middle aged man.

That’s how much of a healthy body I had now.

And if that’s the case, I might as well make the most of it.

So, we spent the past week running through the jungle nonstop.

“Hey, what do people do on their days off again?”

“Kou-chan, stop. Don’t start talking like that here too.”

“Well, we need to stock up on food for our expeditions and get some new gear… Oh! How about we go looking for birds? We still haven’t had karaage. That’s what we should do. Maybe we’ll find some perched on a rooftop or something.”

“Um… Masters, since you’re spending your day off in town, why not enjoy something delicious? Something you wouldn’t usually get while on an expedition… Oh, but nothing too expensive… Hmm… How about… alcohol?”

“”That’s it!””

“You two, equipment first.”

We were about to go drinking, but unfortunately, Azuma was right—we needed to replace our gear first.

The last blacksmith we went to was no good.

The weapons we bought there broke too easily.

Sure, they were cheap, but a spear that cracks just from piercing a bird and hitting a tree? Seriously?

Or a shield that shatters just from blocking a boar’s charge?

Even the second-hand soldier gear the princess gave us was way better.

But this time, our armor was completely trashed, so we needed to replace everything.

“Oi! I said I’ll pay, dammit!”

“Shut up, brat! Come back when you’re out of diapers!”

Loud shouting filled the air in front of us.

A group—probably Walkers—was being thrown out, chased off by a small man swinging a hammer.

By “small man,” I don’t mean a tiny, urban-legend-sized guy.

He was about Minami’s height but built like a brick wall.

And he had a long, bushy beard.

Could it be…?

“””A DWARF!!”””

“Ah, yes. A dwarf.”

The three of us yelled in unison.

Which, in hindsight, was probably a bit rude.

Honestly, we felt bad.

“What, never seen a dwarf before, brats?”

Of course, he heard us and was now glaring daggers at us.

But still… he was undeniably a dwarf.

And what man wouldn’t be excited about that?

When it comes to weapons, it’s dwarves.

When it comes to armor, it’s dwarves.

And when it comes to alcohol, it’s dwarves!

“Please drink with us!”

“Can we shake your hand?!”

“Are you good at crafting weapons? Or maybe accessories?!”

“Masters, please calm down. You’re scaring him.”

“Uh… What the hell are you guys?”

The dwarf looked utterly bewildered as we swarmed him.

But this was fate.

We couldn’t let this opportunity slip by.

So, we invited him to a bar.

Over and over, we begged him to join us, especially since our recent hunts and bounties had left us with some extra money.

I mean, come on—it’s a dwarf!

Who wouldn’t want to drink with a dwarf?!

“Hmph. Well… I guess I could drink with you lot. But seriously, who are you guys?”

He still looked at us suspiciously as hell, but he agreed.

Now, we just needed a bar!

I shouted dramatically about finding a place, and with a sigh, the dwarf agreed to take us to his favorite tavern.

Hell yeah!

The three of us hummed in excitement as we followed him.

But…

“You’ll regret this… A bar recommended by a dwarf…”

Minami looked like she wanted to be anywhere but here.

 

And in the end, trouble came.

We had been too naive.

Yes, dwarves were heavy drinkers—that much was true.

But we had forgotten something important.

We had a heavy drinker on our side too.

“I keep telling you! You can’t just chug that whiskey like it’s water!”

“Hah!? You, a mere brat, dare lecture a dwarf on how to drink!?”

A very drunk Nishida was now fully engaged in a shouting match with the dwarf from earlier.

His name, apparently, was Thoor-san.

Turns out, he was a well-known blacksmith, one who only made weapons and armor for customers he liked.

And of course, he had connections.

Thoor specialized in armor, while other dwarves handled various weapons.

In short, if we pissed him off here, our chances of getting decent gear in this city were over.

Well… looks like our Walker careers in this town might be finished.

Or so I thought.

“Listen up! You’re supposed to take a small sip first, let the aroma fill your nose. That’s the whole point of drinking it straight! Just shoving it down your throat like that is an insult to the drink! You’re not hazing a fresh recruit at a black company!”

“Bah! What nonsense! Booze is all about the alcohol! The stronger the drink, the better! Can’t even grasp that, can you?!”

“Haah… Then why don’t you just drink lighter fluid? You don’t get it at all. Dwarves, huh? Guess I expected too much. No wonder you guys are so stubborn.”

“What did you just say, brat!? Say that again, I dare you!”

This was very bad.

Nishida got drunk quickly, but he could stay in that state for a long time.

That meant he was the type who could enjoy alcohol the most.

And since he rarely got hangovers, he had a deep appreciation for booze.

Out of all of us, he was the best drinker.

And the most knowledgeable.

Which was exactly why he was now butting heads with the dwarf.

“Kita-kun, shouldn’t we stop him? This is getting dangerous.”

“Azuma, it’s already too late. Minami, if things go south, we’re leaving the money and running. Be ready.”

“Ayy~, got ittt…”

“…Wait. What did you drink?”

“M’ an adult, s’ I can drink tooo~”

“Nooo! I don’t care what the drinking age is here, Minami, you are NOT allowed to drink!”

How old was Minami, anyway?

And what exactly was the legal drinking age in this world?

As I pondered that, Nishida and Thoor both stood up.

“You stubborn old man! Just try drinking it properly for once! Master! Bring a fresh bottle of whiskey—no, wine! If I’m gonna teach this dwarf how to appreciate alcohol, wine is the way to go! I’ll blow his narrow-minded taste buds away!”

“Hah! Wine is nothing but glorified water! I could drink barrels of it and not feel a thing!”

“You just don’t get it! Getting drunk isn’t the whole point of drinking! Should I just grab some disinfectant alcohol for you instead? Huh?!”

It was over.

There was nothing we could do now.

The most we could manage was to gently remind Nishida not to waste too much money.

Not that it would likely help.

“Nishida… don’t spend too much.”

“Relax, Leader. I’ll make him understand the beauty of alcohol in just a few bottles. The tab won’t be that bad.”

“I really hope so… Nishida’s dead serious this time.”

“Master~? Can I have another drink~?”

“No, you cannot.”

And so, the night went on.

Tuning out the drunken shouting match next to us, Azuma and I focused on our own drinks.

At some point, Minami, who had been sitting between us, had sprawled out across our laps, fast asleep.

Her sleeping position was impressively acrobatic.

What even was this drinking party?

Even a new employee welcome party wouldn’t devolve into this kind of mess.

This world was terrifying.

Absolutely terrifying.

After about an hour, Azuma, Minami (now slung over my back), and I left for the inn we had booked.

However.

 

“Leader! I’m gonna teach this barrel bastard how to drink properly before heading back!”

“Hah! If you pass out, I’m leaving you on the side of the road! C’mon, we’re heading to the next spot!”

One way or another, the two seemed to have hit it off and disappeared into the night.

The bill was pretty hefty, but I guess it was within acceptable limits?

I gave Nishida a gold coin, but there’s no way he’d burn through it all in one night.

…Probably.

“Will he be okay…?”

“Azuma, just leave him be. That’s probably his way of blowing off steam.”

“I sure hope so… You think he’ll make it back?”

“…No idea.”

In the end, the rest of us returned to the inn, slightly tipsy.

Since slaves couldn’t rent a room on their own, we had to get a four-person room.

For reference, last time we had a three-person room, but since it was just one night, I ended up sleeping on the couch.

Having a girl in the room made me a little nervous, but there was no way I could let myself have any improper thoughts about Minami, who looked to be in her mid-teens.

With the alcohol taking effect, I felt like I could sleep soundly.

They say drinking makes your sleep lighter, but compared to camping out in the wilderness, this was pure luxury.

Besides, after two weeks of surviving out there, I’d developed the habit of waking up whenever anything other than us got too close, so I should be fine.

In other words, I was probably going to get the best sleep I’ve had in a while.

As those thoughts crossed my mind, my eyelids grew heavier.

Ahh, guess I’ll take a bath tomorrow…

And with that as my last thought, I sank completely into the world of dreams.

The next morning, Nishida returned.

This bastard came back at dawn—how indecent.

When I teased him about it.

“No, you got it all wrong! I wasn’t at that kind of place! I crashed at Thoor’s! And somehow, I woke up inside a suit of armor that was on display!”

What the hell is this guy talking about?

Inside a suit of armor…? Wait, hold on.

It’s great that he got along with a dwarf, but where the hell did he leave his armor?

I get that it was dented and crushed to hell, but you seriously walked back in nothing but that flimsy-ass jersey from our world?

That thing’s flimsier than rabbit fur, man.

“…About that.”

Scratching his head awkwardly, Nishida averted his gaze.

I had a really bad feeling about this.

Don’t tell me he got swindled, lost everything gambling, and racked up a massive debt on top of it.

“…I won’t lie, it was wrong of me not to talk to you guys first. And, uh… yeah, sorry. I kinda blew through all the gold.”

…Is this what they call a bad premonition coming true?

Azuma and I both instinctively looked up at the ceiling.

Oh, gods above, smite this drunkard where he stands.

Curse him to hear “Ugh, gross” from a girl at full power at least once a week.

“Nishida… you absolute bastard…”

“Nishi-kun, drinking is fine, but don’t let the drink take control… So? How much debt are we talking?”

Completely drained of energy, we both gazed at the ceiling of the inn’s dining hall, holding back tears.

Ahh… our otherworld life… it ends here.

“Huh? No, wait, it’s not like that! I didn’t rack up any debt! Uh… well, I might, but not yet…”

“Nishida-sama… I believe it would be best to just get straight to the point. No matter how much you try to delay it, debt is still debt.”

“Not you too, Minami-chan!?”

Ahh… if I’d known this would happen, I would’ve bought weapons yesterday.

That way, we could at least head into the forest and hunt for food and some coins.

But now, that wasn’t an option.

We’d have to cancel our stay at the inn, forget about stocking up on ingredients and seasonings…

And without weapons, we’d be living like some old hermit in the mountains.

Damn it… Otherworld life is harsh.

“No, you’ve got it all wrong! It’s Thoor! He and some of his buddies are gonna make us a full set of weapons and armor! He said it’s better to have one solid weapon than to keep breaking cheap ones while hunting.”

“…Huh?”

Wait… did I hear that right?

Did a dwarf just say he’s making us weapons?

The same dwarf that shooed away those other Walkers, who seemed to be more experienced than us?

“He told us all to come by the shop today. And he wanted to check how we fight based on our armor damage, so he took everything we had.”

I see… so that’s why this guy came back in nothing but his wrecked jersey.

But, please… I know it’s a city, but it’s still another world.

Don’t just walk around unarmed in a freaking jersey, you idiot.

Well, that aside…

“Damn, I really thought we were screwed… You gave me a heart attack, Nishida. No weapons would’ve been brutal…”

“For real… I was mentally preparing for a permanent mountain lifestyle.”

“I honestly find it concerning that you both consider living in the mountains a viable backup plan… But, well, at least I won’t be sold off now.”

All of us, completely drained, collapsed onto the table.

That was terrifying. I really thought we were financially ruined.

“Well, either way, if they’re making us new gear, that’s a huge win. Good job, Nishida.”

“And it’s even dwarf-crafted? That’s incredible. Are we really allowed to have something like that?”

“Well, I appreciate the praise and all, but uh…”

“Is there… more to this?”

The mood shifted slightly once again.

“Dwarven-made gear… apparently costs a lot. So, uh… we might end up in debt. I mean, they told me to at least prepare a down payment…”

Oh, for fuck’s sake…

Of course, it wasn’t free.

That’s just how things go… but how much is this gonna set us back?

A heavy sigh echoed through the inn’s dining hall once again.