The three idiots who couldn't become heroes are preparing a man's meal today as well. - Chapter 117

Episode 117. Flying Fish, Shark, and Booze!

---

Let me be honest—this is ridiculously scary.

Like, we’re talking nightmare-inducing, potentially shark-trauma-for-life level terrifying.

But—

“Hahaha! Oraa ora, what’s wrong!? Try and catch me if you can!”

—I laughed on purpose.

My legs were trembling, my whole body was shaking.

So I forced myself to laugh, just to get it under control.

I was being pulled by the ship, with Azuma adjusting the rope for distance.
Because of that, there was a lot of water pressure on me, but for now, I was riding the surface like a wakeboarder with boards strapped to my feet.

I swayed left and right, pivoting on the rope adjusted by Azuma—and sure enough, the damn thing chased me perfectly.

Guess I had its full attention.

“Alright! It’s about time! Get ready, everyone!”

I yelled, but of course, I couldn’t hear any response from my comrades.

Which only made the fear worse.

What if they didn’t hear me? What if the timing was off?

No doubt about it—I’d be shark food.

If something really dangerous happened, we had a plan to have the Saintess block it with her magic… but if she didn’t make it in time, I’d get swallowed whole by that enormous mouth creeping up behind me.

Every time that thought crossed my mind, my knees almost gave out.

But—I had one comrade who would never miss my voice.

If it was Minami, even at this distance, she’d hear me.

That’s why I put all my trust in her and kept taunting the shark.

“Yah-ho! Too slow, you dumbass! You think that clumsy attack’s gonna hit me!?”

Just like a skateboarder, I rode a wave and flipped to dodge the incoming attack.

While I was at it, I pulled the trigger on my assault spear, but it only grazed the thing—it didn’t look like it did much damage.

Worse yet, the blast nearly threw me off balance.

That was way too close… being bitten would suck, but falling now or losing the spear might be even worse.

If I lost this thing in the sea, Tōru and the others would probably kill me.

As I thought that, I looked back—and saw the dorsal fin slowly submerging into the water.

No doubt about it. It was coming.

I focused every nerve in my feet, waiting in total stillness.

Not yet. Don’t rush.

If I miss the exact moment it jumps, this whole plan is toast.

“Suuuuu, haaaaaa… Come on. Try it. Eat me. You’re the same as those others, aren’t you? Just another ‘Devourer’. That means you’ll take the bait. Come on, do it. COME ON. …Now!! AZUMAAA!!“

I shouted with everything I had—and suddenly, WHAM! My whole body jerked as I got yanked up with insane force.

And then—

“There it is!! Let it ripppppp!!”

Just brushing past my feet, the megalodon exploded from the sea.

Chills ran down my spine. Seriously.

Never doing this again. Next time I’m thinking up literally anything else.

As that thought crossed my mind—

“Protection!“

The Saintess cast her spell, and a magical surface covered the sea.

The massive shark crashed against the “surface” with a thunderous BIDANNN!, slamming hard against it.

And in that exact moment—

“Starting with the eyes! I’ll take both, thank you very much!”

Minami’s rain of arrows pierced its eyeballs.

She hit it exactly as it landed on the “Protection” surface.

Seriously, our team’s freakin’ amazing.

As I was admiring that—

“Nice job, Kou-chan! I’m heading in!”

“Counting on you, partner!”

I got pulled back toward the ship and high-fived Nishida mid-air as we passed.

He had a long butcher knife in hand, diving straight into the spot I’d just left.

“Nishida-sama! I got the eyes! I’ll snipe the other side to draw its attention!”

“I’m countin’ on ya, Minami-chan!”

Right beside me, as I was pulled back onto the ship, Minami rapid-fired her crossbow.

Nishida twirled his blade—gleaming like moonlight in the dark.

“Daryl! Turn the ship around!”

“Are you seriously saying that!?”

“Dead serious! We’re gonna hunt that thing!”

“I don’t get you guys at all! Full starboard! Swing her around! Main guns, ready!!”

The oars, which had been paddling desperately in “doggy paddle” mode, suddenly stopped.

Now they dipped only one side into the water, bracing with everything they had.

The sails shifted, and the ship started turning hard.

Still… it was a little too slow.

Nishida was getting farther and farther away.

Not good—at this rate, we’d be too far to help in time.

“Tch! Nozomi, Kana! Can you make a path from here!?”

“No problem!”

【 Leave it to us! 】 

With those reassuring words, all of us from “Hearty Eater” launched ourselves toward the sea.

“Minami! Support Nishida! Azuma, you’re with me—we’re charging in! Aim for the snout and gills! Either pierce them or rip ’em out! Saintess, stay behind and remove the Protection spell while making a path for the ship!”

“Understood! I’ll regroup with Nishida-sama! Azuma-sama, shield incoming!”

“Thanks, Minami-chan! First up, I’m punching that snout in!”

And so, we ran across the sea.

Straight toward where Nishida was, still hanging in there.

“You’re late, guys! I was about to take this thing down myself! Just kidding—Minami-chan, I need a new blade! Mine snapped!”

Nishida was desperately dodging the Megalodon’s thrashing attacks, his weapon thoroughly shattered.

Given all the slashes he’d taken and the fact that he managed to keep that monster pinned on the Protection field this long—honestly, that’s impressive.

“Nishida-sama!”

“Yo! Thanks!”

He caught the large kitchen knife Minami had thrown mid-air with a whoosh, then dove straight back into dissection mode.

“Azuma! First the snout! We make it flinch, then I go right, you go left! We’re ripping it out!”

“Alright roooooooger!”

Azuma threw a full-force punch, body and soul behind it, smashing the shark’s snout with his shield.

The tip of the shield sank into the beast, drawing blood—it must’ve hurt like hell.

The shark flinched for a moment, but quickly began thrashing again.

Using that brief moment, we each darted to the sides and shoved our arms into its gills.

“Shyaaaa!”

“Doraaaa!”

SPLORCH! —an awful sound rang out as we yanked the gill flesh from both sides.

A flood of blood gushed like a broken dam, threatening to sweep us away.

But we dug in and held on.

Still…

“Damn it! It’s not dead yet?!”

The Megalodon’s thrashing grew even more violent, now wild enough to kill us with a single hit.

We could try to back off and wait it out, but who knew how long the footing would last?

If we fell into the sea now, we were screwed.

Just as I was thinking that—

“Kou-chan! Over here! I skinned it!”

“Good job, Nishida!”

Following his voice, I leapt onto the writhing beast—and sure enough, there was a raw “hole” in its back where the dorsal fin had been, completely exposed.

That left only one thing for me to do.

“Everyone back off! I’m blasting it!”

I jammed the assault spear into the hole Nishida had made and pulled the trigger.

“Oraaaa—shyaaaaa!”

BOOM! —a deep impact reverberated through my gut as the Megalodon spasmed violently.

Next thing we knew, its dorsal fin shot off into the air, spinning.

Would’ve been nice to take the other fins too, but it was about time to call it.

“Alright! Everyone fall back! Let the ship finish this!”

“Hell yeah!”

“Nozomi-san says she’ll make a straight “floor” back to the ship! Let’s go!”

And so we fled from the Megalodon, sprinting across the water once more.

Heading straight for our approaching ship, the Black Dog.

“You guys really did it, huh… damn it! If you don’t wanna get caught in the crossfire, haul your asses aboard! Once Hearty Eater is confirmed back on deck, unleash a full volley! If anyone misses even though the target’s on land, they’re paying for every round outta their own damn pocket—got it!?”

As the captain shouted in exasperation, the explosions rocked the night sea once again, rattling our eardrums.

………………..

…………………..

……………………..

“I’m drinking tonight, just so you know! You’re on watch duty!”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m not gonna ask guys who just killed a ‘Devourer’ variant—one that damn huge, no less—to pull watch duty.”

Chatting with Daril like that, I kept cooking alongside the other crew members.

Tonight was a fish party.

Hell, it was practically a holiday to celebrate bagging a monster catch.

Might as well splurge and burn through all the food in the magic bag.

Well, except the dragon—that one’s too huge to whip out on the deck.

“Kitayama! The big pot’s boiling!”

“Throw in the pork!”

“Kitayama! Are these fish balls good? I made a bunch!”

“Fuhahaha! Chuck everything in the pot!”

“Nishida! Brought the seasonings you asked for!”

“Staaay! Just stay! You gotta approach quietly when I’m cooking!”

Our legendary scout, the one and only Nishida-sama, was currently simmering shark fins in the big pot.

Shark fin soup, to be exact.

He’d strong-armed a magic-using crew member into drying and prepping the fins so he could whip up a quick trial batch.

When we made jerky before, even Annabelle hated the drying process.

Apparently it’s a crazy tiring and delicate task.

“Mmnnn, do I need to dry it more? Magic drying’s too hard to judge… not that I can use it myself. Feels like there’s too much bitterness, but I’ve never had shark fin soup before so who knows… hmmm, what do I even do here?”

Nishida groaned and grumbled while dumping in various seasonings.

And with the sea voyage being long, he was already barking orders at the crew for fin prep and drying work.

Natural drying wouldn’t cut it before we hit port, but hey.

Still, the man was seriously committed.

I’ve never put that much care into cooking anything.

That’s what I was thinking as I fried up the flying fish we caught today into tempura.

And man… it looked insane.

The flesh was plump and firm, and once fried, the meat had a juicy thickness to it that practically screamed with flavor.

The wings were spread out too—majestic, even.

Just imagining biting into this, all that umami bursting in my mouth… oooh yeah.

As I thought about that, I just kept frying one after the other.

And then—

“Kitayama… are you still working on something over here? Mind if I take a look?”

“Yeah, it’s just about done. Go ahead and take the lid off.”

Simmered shark.

A rare delicacy I once stumbled across at a supermarket.

“Half price! Shark!”

I was pretty shocked when I saw it—after all, I’d never eaten shark before.

So I tried simmering it as a cooking method.

Using a generous amount of ginger, then stewing it with soy sauce and other seasonings.

That turned out to be seriously delicious.

People say shark meat is smelly or bland, but that wasn’t true at all.

Maybe it depends on the type, but the shark I had was really tasty.

Which is exactly why I decided to try it again.

“Yeah, smells great. Let’s check the meat… alright, alright. It’s super tender.”

As the lid came off, a cloud of white steam carried the rich aroma of ginger and soy sauce through the air.

I gently flaked the meat with chopsticks, and it came apart with a soft, delicate pull.

Mmm. It looked seriously good.

And with that, dinner was ready.

Flying fish tempura, salted grill, teriyaki, and fish ball soup.

Plus grilled shark meat, and the simmered dish I just mentioned.

And of course, the makeshift shark fin soup Nishida made (still incomplete).

Everyone clutched their heaping bowls of rice, drooling like fountains.

If I didn’t feed them soon, we were about to have a brawl on this boat.

“Alright, let’s eat! Itadakimasu!”

“”””Itadakimasu!!”””””

As we put our hands together in prayer, the battlefield began.

Everyone fought over food, shoveling white rice into their mouths.

I thought being on a ship might make things feel a bit different, but it only made them wilder than usual.

“This is so damn good! I didn’t know ‘charging fish’ could taste this amazing!? Pass the grated daikon! That one!”

“This simmered dish… crap… That shark was this good? We left meat like this behind before?”

“That shark fin soup is unfinished? It already tastes amazing though…”

The sailors devoured everything in sight, rapidly emptying plates and bowls.

They really are men of the sea—their appetites are insane.

Which means…

“We can’t fall behind either! Let’s eat!”

“”””””Uoooooh!””””””

We dove into our food with equal ferocity.

“The flying fish tempura is amazing… It’s like, the flavor just spreads through your whole mouth with a ‘fwaaa’ feeling. Bet it’d be great as tatsuta-age or nanban too.”

“The shark’s so good… I was expecting something tougher or bland, but this is totally different.”

“The ginger really brings it together. I can feel it warming me up inside.”

With warm smiles all around, we filled our bellies with today’s catch.

By the way, we also started prepping some ingredients we brought for a late-night snack.

The char siu we’d been making in between other dishes should be ready by the time we break out the drinks.

Kuhahaha! This is shaping up to be one hell of a night!

And so, just for tonight, we drank on the job.