The three idiots who couldn't become heroes are preparing a man's meal today as well. - Chapter 12

Episode 12: Interest and Fear, The Meat Negotiation

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“Thoooooor, we’re here!”

With a casual air, Nishida swung open the door to the blacksmith’s shop.

It was the same smithy where a Walker had been thrown out the day before.

Looking at it again, the place was massive.

Was it really okay for newbies like us to be walking into a shop like this? That thought made me a little nervous as I followed him inside.

“Oh, I’ve been waiting for you lot.”

It was Thoor, the dwarf we had seen yesterday. Alongside him were three other dwarves gathered at the counter.

The store was packed with armor, stacked high and filling every available space.

As we had heard, Thoor specialized in crafting armor.

“I’ll introduce ya. This here’s Kohl, a weapon smith—more specifically, a blade craftsman. You can leave things like dismantling knives to him. Next up is Diel, who specializes in hammers and blunt weapons. That doesn’t mean he’s bad with other stuff, though. If ya need a rare or unusual weapon, he’s the one to ask—he’s got skilled hands. Then there’s Taarl. This guy’s perfect for you lot. He makes knives, pots, and all sorts of cooking gear. Even if the thing doesn’t exist yet, give him an idea, and he’ll make it. And last, there’s me. I handle armor and shields.”

Each of them greeted us with a friendly “Nice to meet ya!” so we went ahead and introduced ourselves in return.

Was this really okay?

Just having this many skilled craftsmen in one place must cost a fortune.

“Quit looking so damn worried. After hearing about you lot, we got real curious. We’ll cut ya a discount, and if ya can’t pay it all, we’ll put it on a tab. I heard you eat some interesting stuff—stuff that’s supposed to be real tasty. We dwarves have a weakness for good booze and food. So, give us some.”

With wicked grins, the dwarves leaned in, eyes gleaming.

If I didn’t know better, I’d think they were debt collectors or criminals.

But all they wanted was the food I usually cooked.

There had to be a catch.

This felt like one of those deals where we’d end up drowning in debt before we knew it.

“Wait, just a moment, please!”

For once, Minami raised her voice in alarm.

“I don’t know how much Nishida-sama has told you, but the food we eat is made from magic beasts! You do understand what that means, don’t you? Are you really saying you still want to eat it? Even today, the guild branch chief is likely going to check us again for any side effects…”

At that, I tilted my head in confusion.

What did she mean by that?

The meat’s delicious.

Why wouldn’t people eat it?

“We know that,” Thoor said with a shrug. “That’s exactly why we wanna try it.”

“But… but still…”

“Hold up a sec.”

I cut in, taking control of the conversation.

The sudden shift made everyone turn toward me, which was a little uncomfortable, but whatever.

“Okay, what’s the big deal about magic beast meat? It’s tasty. Is there a reason why eating it is a bad idea? And what’s this about the branch chief checking our bodies?”

Nishida, Azuma, and I all glanced around in confusion.

Meanwhile, the dwarves and Minami stared at us, jaws slightly open in disbelief.

“Listen, kid,” Thoor said, rubbing his beard. “Magic beasts are animals that’ve mutated by absorbing miasma. Their flesh is cursed. They say if you eat it, you’ll turn into a magic beast yourself, or worse, a demon.”

Wait, what?

We’ve been eating that stuff nonstop.

But if I check my status card, I’m still listed as human.

So… does it take time to kick in or something?

“Um, Master,” Minami said hesitantly. “That story is more of a legend or superstition, really. But it’s something even children grow up hearing, so nobody ever eats magic beast meat. That’s probably why the branch chief is monitoring you—to figure out if you’re just special or if magic beast meat is actually safe to eat. But… you really didn’t know?”

So, we had been unknowingly eating something dangerous all this time.

And we dragged Minami into it too.

Should we stop?

…Well, it’s not like there’s anything else to eat in the forest.

And we haven’t felt any weird side effects so far.

Not to mention, we’ve already eaten plenty of it, so there’s not much point in worrying now.

There was just one thing that really pissed me off.

“Alright, let’s beat up the branch chief.”

“Agreed. If it was just us, whatever, but they dragged Minami-chan into this.”

“They should’ve explained everything properly before making her go along with it. We were dumb enough to do it ourselves, but if something happened to her, who’d take responsibility?”

“U-uh, Masters? If not for the branch chief’s orders, you wouldn’t have bought me in the first place… I was surprised at first, but I’ve accepted it, so really, it’s okay…”

“Still gonna punch him.”

“Still gonna punch him.”

“Still gonna punch him.”

“Umm… just don’t get yourselves fired as Walkers, okay?”

With that, we turned to leave the shop, ready to go find the branch chief.

But Thoor stopped us.

“Hold up, hold up,” he said.

What now?

We were ready to throw hands.

“I can’t say I don’t understand the desire to investigate. After all, you three fools have casually stepped one foot into the mysteries of the world. And now you’ve dragged that young lady into it as well. In that case, let us join you. A few more people shouldn’t be a problem, right? Besides, are you seriously planning to go in that state?”

It wasn’t until he pointed it out that I remembered just how terrible our equipment was.

Our armor was in tatters, barely holding together, and all our weapons were ruined.

As for Nishida, he was wearing nothing but a tracksuit.

“First, head to the clothing shop across the street and buy something decent. After that, we’ll take your measurements. Once that’s done, I’ll ask what kind of weapons and armor you prefer. Then, while we work on them, I’ll lend you a bunch of failed creations made by my apprentices. Well, even failures should hold up until we finish crafting your proper gear.”

Thoor declared this all in one breath, before letting out a grand “Gahaha!” of laughter.

The other dwarves around him were also grinning in amusement, but…

“Why are you doing all this for us? We only met yesterday. For all you know, we might turn into demons or whatever. Even if that doesn’t happen, we’re just rookie Walkers.”

Honestly, I didn’t see any reason why they should be helping us.

If anything, this whole situation seemed like a potential liability for them.

So why? What’s in it for them?

And now they’re saying they want to eat the supposedly dangerous meat of a magic beast? What are these dwarves even thinking…?

“That should be obvious. Because it sounds interesting. Besides, I’m curious about the magic beast meat. That Nishida fellow talked about it so deliciously that I ended up drinking an entire gold coin’s worth of liquor yesterday. You see, dwarves and elves live long lives. That’s precisely why we’re insatiable when it comes to good food and exciting things.”

Thoor flashed his biggest grin of the day as he said this.

Well, at least now I know what happened to that gold coin from yesterday.

It all went to booze.

You drank a hundred thousand yen’s worth in a single night? And it was Nishida’s treat?

Wait, that’s not the point!

You’re telling me you’re willing to risk your life just because something “sounds interesting”?!

“You do realize it’s magic beast meat, right?”

“And you do realize you had no idea until now, right?”

I had no retort.

“A-Anyway! What if you and the others actually turn into magic beasts or demons? We wouldn’t be able to take responsibility for that!”

“You lot haven’t changed yet, have you? You might not know this, but food gets absorbed into the body within a day, and the rest gets… expelled. If it were truly toxic, you lot would’ve died or turned into demons long ago after eating it for two weeks.”

“Well, yeah, but… what about the miasma or whatever? What if we change years down the line?”

“Are you even sure you’ll still be alive years from now? You think you’ll survive as a Walker long enough to grow old? If so, then you might as well enjoy good food while you can. Like I said before, dwarves live long lives. If something happens, we’ll deal with it then. If you spend all your time worrying about the future, you’ll never be able to drink yourself stupid with booze.”

Damn it. I’ve got nothing to say to that.

This dwarf is way too cool.

“Well, if you still feel guilty about it, then buy drinks for all of us. That’ll be your advance payment. After that… let’s see… if your cooking is good, I’ll give you a discount. And if you keep feeding us delicious meals, we’ll consider further arrangements. Once you’ve used the weapons and armor for a while, if we see that you can handle them properly, we’ll even take care of sharpening and repairs. How’s that? Not a bad deal, right?”

“Just how badly do you want to eat magic beast meat…?”

“A dwarf’s curiosity is piqued by things we’ve never eaten before.”

I see.

I couldn’t help but be a little exasperated, but honestly, this was nothing but a good deal for us.

That said, if we didn’t satisfy their taste buds, this whole arrangement would fall apart.

So, the conditions are: impress them with our cooking, keep providing them with delicious food, and prove that we can properly handle our equipment.

These guys are real craftsmen, through and through. I can’t help but wonder if this is even good business.

But maybe that’s just how dwarves operate, different from “our world.”

Well then, we might as well take full advantage of this.

“OK, sounds good. Once we get those so-called failed weapons and armor, we’re heading back into the forest. And we’ll bring back a hefty haul of souvenirs for you. That work for you?”

“Of course! Looking forward to it. …By the way, what does ‘OK’ mean?”

“…It means ‘understood’ or ‘got it.’”

I had tried to sound cool, but the last moment ended up being a little embarrassing.

Not that the dwarves cared at all.

They all gave broad grins and enthusiastically held up their thumbs.

“OK, then! We’re looking forward to some damn good meat!”

And so, we gained our first blacksmith allies in this other world.

(Branch Chief POV)

“EXCUSEEE MEEEE!!”

With a loud bang, the door to the branch chief’s office swung open.

In stormed three Walkers, one slave, and the receptionist, Airi.

Why can’t these people enter a room normally?

It’s seriously bad for my heart.

That said, as the branch chief, I couldn’t afford to show any signs of being shaken.

“You’ve come, all three of you. Now then, let’s start with an ‘Appraisal,’ and if there are no issues, we’ll proceed with your rank-up…”

“Chief, if our race had changed to this ‘Demon’ thing, would you still approve the rank-up?”

The moment Kitayama uttered those words, a sharp tension filled the room.

Airi and I furrowed our brows and carefully observed them.

Until now, I had thought their knowledge of magic beasts was lacking, but it seems they had done their research or heard from someone. They smirked knowingly, as if they were already aware of the circumstances.

This is… not good.

Maybe I should have explained everything from the start and asked for their cooperation.

“…Seems you’ve been studying up. For that, I owe you an apology. But understand, this is critical information for Walkers—no, for all citizens. If magic beast meat proves edible, the very role of Walkers will change—”

“Yeah, look, we don’t really care about all that complicated stuff. I mean, we get it in theory, but it’s not like we ever thought you were taking us in purely out of goodwill, either.”

“Huh?”

Then what is it?

Are they asking for protection in case they really do turn into Demons?

That’s impossible. Even we have limits to what we can and can’t do.

As I nervously wiped away the cold sweat forming on my forehead, Kitayama placed his palm firmly on my shoulder.

Damn it. Don’t tell me he’s going to—

“Why did you involve Minami?”

“…Huh?”

What does he mean?

I looked up at him, confused, only to be met with his face twisted in a broad grin—except for the throbbing vein on his forehead.

“You could’ve just tested it on us. Why’d you drag Minami into it? Did you decide that just because she’s a slave, it didn’t matter what happened to her?”

Though he was smiling, his grip tightened.

I could hear the sound of his fingers digging into my shoulder—sounds that shouldn’t normally be there.

“W-Wait! This was necessary! The investigation into magic beast meat, yes, but we also had to assess your abnormality! For that, we needed someone who seemed ‘normal’ by our standards to accompany you—”

“Then why didn’t you go yourself?”

“…What?”

“Are you deaf? You’re the one who made the call, you’re the one who started this investigation. Shouldn’t you have been the one to eat the magic beast meat?”

“N-No, that’s…”

His smile had completely vanished.

That’s how much that slave girl means to them.

And that’s how much anger they have toward me for dragging her into this without knowing, or rather, for deliberately making her part of it.

“If it’s fine for someone lower-ranked than you, how about Airi-san? Go on, give the order. We’ve still got some magic beast meat left. Say it—’You’re beneath me, so be my test subject.’ Can you?”

As he spoke, the slave girl pulled something from her magic bag.

A piece of meat.

It was already cooked—freshly, by the looks of it. A fragrant aroma wafted through the air, steam rising from the tender flesh.

So this is magic beast meat?

And that magic bag… Does it have a time-stop function?

Just who are these people…?

“What’s wrong? It was fine when it was a slave, but now you’re too scared to order a Walker or a guild employee? Can’t bring yourself to say, ‘Eat this and risk your life for me’?”

Everything was happening so fast. They weren’t giving me any time to process.

As he pushed the meat toward me, I couldn’t help but glare at it in shock.

If I eat this… what will happen to me?

Judging by their condition, I wouldn’t transform into a Demon immediately.

But what about years from now? A decade later?

What if, long after I’ve forgotten about today, an Appraisal labels me a ‘Demon’?

I’d regret it for the rest of my life.

Which is why… I can’t eat it.

Gulp.

A small, adorable stomach growl echoed through the room.

It was a barely audible sound, but since no one else was speaking, it stood out clearly.

As I glanced around to see where it had come from—

“S-Sorry… I haven’t had lunch yet.”

The receptionist, Airi, blushed and awkwardly averted her gaze.

Then, as if a thought had struck her, she turned back to us with a smile.

“That’s right. Of course, there’s the matter of apologizing for deceiving you all, but I also think the guild should provide a test subject as well. That way, you won’t have any lingering doubts about us.”

“Airi!?”

I couldn’t stop my voice from rising in shock.

What is she saying? There’s no way I can allow that—

“But Branch Chief, don’t we need a certain number of test subjects for clear evidence? Besides, that slave girl is a beastman. No offense, but what if it’s only harmless to humans? Well, for now, Minami-chan and everyone else seem fine, but still.”

“That may be true, but… still!”

She’s an important figure in this guild.

To be honest, far more important than someone like me.

“Then let’s test it. Fortunately, I haven’t found a husband, I’m past my prime, and I’m a former Walker with the nickname ‘Gorilla,’ so it’s not like I’m popular. In that case, why not? Frankly, if we keep going like this, we’ll just look like the villains. Consider this part of our apology.”

“W-Wait! You’re the highest-ranked among the staff—!”

“I don’t believe in rumors without solid proof. Well then, time to dig in!”

Ignoring all protests, she grabbed a piece of roast meat from the plate and popped it into her mouth.

Then her eyes went wide.

“Mm!? What is this? It’s delicious! It tastes freshly cooked, way more flavorful than normal meat. The fat is springy, and the umami that bursts out the moment you take a bite is just overwhelming. The seasoning’s a bit rough, but the ginger is strong, and the soy sauce is soaked in perfectly… What the heck! This is amazing!”

Completely disregarding etiquette, she picked up another piece of meat with her fingers—something no proper receptionist would ever do—and began what sounded like a detailed food report.

At first, it seemed almost like an act, as if she were deliberately narrating her thoughts.

But given the way she kept grabbing more meat without hesitation, it was clear she was being completely honest.

“Haaah… Whatever happens, happens. If you turn into a ‘Demon’ in a few years, don’t complain to me.”

“It’s fine! I’m never getting married anyway, and if I turn into a Demon, I’ll just have them take care of me outside the country. Besides, after pulling a stunt like this, I doubt I’ll be kept on as a receptionist, right?”

“…That last part is your real motive, isn’t it? You really hate reception work that much?”

“Oh, absolutely. It’s nothing but stress.”

Airi, seemingly completely taken with the taste, continued stuffing her mouth in a manner reminiscent of the old days.

Whatever. Let it all happen as it will.

Just as that thought crossed my mind—

“You all look like you’ve wrapped things up, but let me just say this outright.”

Thud!

Kitayama propped his foot onto my desk and raised his voice.

Of course.

The apology they demanded was meant for me, not Airi.

Telling me to order her to eat the meat was never a serious demand—it was a threat, a bluff.

They knew I wouldn’t do it.

That’s why they pushed me.

And that’s why, as the Guild Branch Chief, I must bow my head to them and her once again—

“Airi-san, did you seriously just say you’ve given up on marriage!? What!? What kind of world is this!? Are you all idiots!?”

The loudest voice of the day echoed throughout the Branch Chief’s office.