The three idiots who couldn't become heroes are preparing a man's meal today as well. - Chapter 15

Episode 15: The Strange Neighbor and the Emergency Request

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“…Hah!”

With a short shout, Airi-san struck the wolf with her fist.

Her footwork was unnaturally light as she dashed around, sending beasts of similar size flying with unexpectedly heavy blows.

“No matter how many times I see it, it’s still amazing… Body Enhancement.”

“That gauntlet is pretty cool too. Bet it costs a fortune.”

“Must be fun being able to move around like that.”

From what I’d been told, Airi-san’s “Body Enhancement” was a type of magic. Apparently, as long as one had aptitude and mana, anyone could use it.

If they had both, that is.

However, checking for mana wasn’t something the guild’s appraisal could handle. It required a specialized department—or location—to determine.

Might as well visit when we return to town. Magic sounds fun.

With Airi-san joining us, hunting had become significantly easier.

At times, we even got carried away, and the dismantling couldn’t keep up.

Since we had a magic bag, there was no risk of spoilage, but still, this wasn’t ideal.

If we couldn’t finish dismantling before heading back, we’d have to leave it to the guild’s dismantling station.

Can’t let good meat go to waste.

“Man, that was a good workout. My shoulders have been stiff lately, so I need to move at full power once in a while.”

Airi-san returned from the hunt, rolling her shoulders in wide circles.

I wouldn’t dare say it aloud, but I was pretty sure her shoulder stiffness came from a different cause.

“Good work, Airi-san. That was some impressive movement.”

I handed her a canteen as I spoke, and she took it, placing her hand on her hip before gulping it down in one go.

She drank with the same satisfaction as someone enjoying a bottle of milk after a bath.

It was oddly refreshing to watch.

It had been three days since she joined our party.

Whether she had gotten used to living in the mountains or simply warmed up to us, our distance had definitely lessened.

At first, she spoke in the same formal manner she used at the reception desk, but now she was much more casual.

She had mentioned she was a former Walker.

Maybe this was how she used to be.

“Ah, Kitayama-san. Were you just thinking that I’m not very feminine?”

She had caught me observing her, and, worse yet, completely misunderstood my intentions.

Her cheeks were slightly flushed, puffing up a little in protest.

Oh no. That’s cute.

“Not at all. I was just thinking you have a good way of drinking. After all that movement, of course you’d be thirsty.”

“That doesn’t sound any better… Wait, actually, can we drop the formal speech already?”

“Formal speech?”

I tilted my head in confusion, and Airi-san let out a short sigh before pointing a sharp finger at me.

“The polite speech, you know? We’re not in a receptionist-and-Walker relationship anymore. When you keep using formal language with me, it feels like there’s a wall between us.”

“Ahh, I see. Yeah, I guess being too stiff in a party isn’t great.”

Nishida, who had been tending to the pot, chimed in as if he’d been listening.

That said, Airi-san still spoke formally herself.

Wouldn’t it be weird if only I changed how I talked?

Before I could ask, she spoke up again.

“It’s a habit at this point. I worked at the reception desk for a long time, you know? But I’m actually speaking much more casually than usual. Normally, I’d be way more proper.”

She puffed out her chest, looking proud of herself.

I hadn’t noticed, since she felt like a coworker to me.

Now that she mentioned it, though, she definitely spoke more formally with me compared to the others.

I didn’t have any strong preference, so if she wanted me to be casual, I could do that.

“Got it. But let me know if my speech ever gets too rough. I don’t mind either way.”

“Yeah, sounds good. Looking forward to it.”

“Nice to be on the same page, Airi-san.”

After our quick exchange, she tilted her head and let out a thoughtful “Hmm.”

Did she still have something on her mind?

“You know, you can just call me Airi.”

“…That’s a bit too much of a leap.”

“Surprisingly shy, huh?”

As we chatted, Minami returned after finishing the retrieval of our prey, tilting her head curiously at our conversation.

Oh no, we left her to do all the work.

I quickly apologized, but she simply smiled and said, “It’s my job.”

The people in this world work way too hard.

I should teach them how to have more fun.

Well, setting that aside…

“By the way, Minami, you don’t need to use formal speech either. And you can drop the ‘sama’ too.”

“I am a slave, and you are my masters. I must decline.”

She shut me down without hesitation.

For a while, life remained peaceful.

There was no urgent need to gather food, so I mostly spent my time collecting medicinal herbs and wild vegetables.

A slow life like this—yeah, this must be what people mean by “taking it easy.”

And today, once again, I encountered a new species.

“Pigyaaahhh!”

“Ugh, so loud…”

I had spotted an unusual plant growing nearby and pulled it out, only for some weird creature to pop out from beneath it.

It looked like a large, pure white daikon radish, but with multiple radish-like limbs branching out like arms and legs. It also had what seemed to be a pair of holes for eyes and a mouth.

And that scream.

What the hell is this thing? A daikon ghost?

“Kou-chan, what was that scream—wait, what the hell is that!? Gross!”

“Kita-kun, are you okay!? …Ew, disgusting!”

My friends rushed over, only to immediately start hurling insults.

It was fine. I knew they weren’t talking about me.

Still, even knowing that, hearing it right to my face stung a little.

“Master, you’ve captured another strange one…”

“Another rare find. Are you planning to eat this one too?”

Two others arrived a bit later, both giving me strange looks. But it seemed like only Airi-san recognized what this thing was.

She grabbed it by the leaves sprouting from its head and lifted it up.

The radish creature wriggled around energetically, wrapping its root-like limbs around her arm.

Ugh, that’s creepy.

“Airi-san, you know what this is?”

“Yes, it’s a magical beast called a Mandrake. They’re quite rare, you know? Supposedly, their bodies are the base ingredient for a universal cure, and they have a strange habit of planting vegetables everywhere they go.”

“Oh, so that’s why we keep finding wild vegetables in the mountains.”

Mystery solved.

So this thing’s a Mandrake, huh? Basically the same as the Mandragora we know about?

In that case, if you hear its scream when you pull it out, won’t you die or something?

Well, I’m still alive, so I guess it’s fine.

“So… are we eating it?”

Airi-san, who had really started embracing her inner hunter, poked at the Mandrake with an excited look in her eyes.

The thing wrapped its roots around her fingers, but she didn’t seem the least bit bothered.

I wasn’t sure how she could stand that, but whatever.

Honestly, though, I was a little curious about how it tasted.

And if it really was the key ingredient for a universal cure, it would probably sell for a good price.

But still…

“You said this thing is rare, right? Alright, I’m letting it go.”

“Ehh!? Seriously!?”

Wow, she really wanted to eat that radish.

Not that I couldn’t understand the temptation, but considering the bigger picture, eating it just out of curiosity didn’t seem like the best idea.

“If this thing disappears, we won’t have wild vegetables anymore. Alright, off you go, Daikonmaru. Or should I bury you instead?”

I tossed the Mandrake onto the ground, and it landed smoothly with a landing pose! before taking off at full speed using its… legs?

Man, it was fast.

No way Azuma or I could catch it. Nishida might barely keep up, and even Airi-san with body enhancement magic would have a hard time.

That’s how fast it was.

And even though no one was chasing it, it zigzagged around, trying to throw us off.

What a little schemer.

“Ahh… what a waste. Even if we didn’t eat it, we could’ve sold it for a fortune.”

“You really want to give up having fresh wild vegetables for that? If it’s rare, there probably aren’t many of them to begin with, right?”

“Ugh… I guess you’re right…”

It seemed my logic made sense to her, though she still looked frustrated as she pouted in defeat.

Not that I was thinking about environmental conservation or anything grand like that.

I just didn’t want to lose my free supply of wild vegetables.

If anything, that Mandrake was the real culprit here, going around planting vegetables everywhere.

But whatever. We were benefiting from it, so no complaints.

Farewell, Daikonmaru. Take care out there.

“Alright, let’s call it a day for exploring. It’s about time for—”

Just as I was about to wrap things up—

A small bird suddenly appeared in my peripheral vision, diving straight toward us at high speed.

It was flying so fast that I instinctively reached out and grabbed it.

A tiny, white bird, even smaller than a pigeon.

Another new species?

Just as I was about to take a closer look—

“Aahh! Kitayama-san, you can’t eat that!!”

Airi-san snatched it away from me with incredible speed.

…What does she even think of me?

I don’t eat everything I see.

I mean, this thing is tiny, barely has any meat on it.

If I were going to eat it, I’d at least wait until it grew bigger first.

“Master, that bird is trained to deliver letters. If I recall correctly, its official name is a ‘Dearbird.’ Unlike carrier pigeons, which deliver messages to buildings, this species is capable of delivering letters directly to individuals. This one is likely assigned specifically to Airi-sama.”

“Huh, that’s pretty handy.”

As Minami explained, I nodded in understanding while we all waited for Airi-san’s reaction.

It seemed she had indeed received some kind of message, as she opened the letter with a serious expression.

Judging by the atmosphere, this wasn’t the time to joke around and ask, “Message from your boyfriend?”

So, we just sat down and waited.

“Kitayama-sama, we have just received an official directive from the guild. Due to an urgent situation requiring immediate attention, our guild has decided to recommend your party, ‘Hearty Eater,’ for the task. Of course, you may review the details and rewards before making a decision. However, given the nature of the request, the guild urges you to return as soon as possible.”

It had been a while since I’d heard Airi-san switch into her receptionist mode.

Paired with her current outfit, the contrast was jarring.

I knew it was rude, but I couldn’t help getting goosebumps.

“Um… you know, it kinda hurts when you react that obviously…”

“In that case, please just go back to being the usual Airi-san…”

She let out a sigh before flashing her usual bright smile.

“Alright then, to put it simply—our useless branch chief has gotten into something he can’t handle. So, could you guys lend a hand? I’ll personally make sure you get a solid reward for it. How about it?”

We all exchanged glances.

This was clearly going to be a pain.

Since it was an emergency, it would probably involve a lot of hassle.

Instead of this slow-life routine we’d been enjoying, we might be walking into something much more brutal.

“Let me ask one thing—if we turn this down, will you be in trouble, Airi-san?”

“Well… yes, I suppose so. I am a guild employee, after all.”

That settled it.

Everyone else nodded as well.

“Alright, pack it up, guys! You’ve got 40 seconds!”

“We’re already packed!”

“Everything’s stored in my magic bag. We can leave immediately.”

Guess 40 seconds was overkill.

My team was as reliable as ever.

“By the way, Airi-san.”

“Yes?”

“Hearty Eaters—what’s up with that name?”

“Fits you perfectly, don’t you think? Ahaha… I’m sorry. The party name wasn’t registered yet, so I just wrote that in as a placeholder…”

A few moments later, we took off at full speed toward the city.

Running across mountains, leaping over rivers, descending cliffs—

We sprinted along the shortest possible route, cutting down a journey that had taken us days to walk.

By the time the sun set, we were already back in town.

…Yeah, from now on, we’re using this route on the way out too.