The three idiots who couldn't become heroes are preparing a man's meal today as well. - Chapter 3

Still not healthy, sorry for the late update

Episode 3: Manga Meat and Grilled Mushrooms

It took quite a bit of time for each of us to finish our tasks, so we didn’t start cooking the meat until it was already dark.

The first one to finish was Azuma.
Apparently, his tent was incredibly easy to set up. He just hammered in the stakes, pulled the ropes, and—bam!—the tent opened up like an umbrella.
I would’ve liked to see it, but chances are I’ll have plenty of opportunities in the future.

He offered to help with something else, but considering he’d done the most physically demanding work today, I told him to take a break and help out only if needed.
This was also partly to make sure he didn’t end up complaining later about his body hurting once he rested.

As for me, I started rubbing salt on the meat, but I had no idea how much was enough.
I’ve seen salted meat in manga, so I thought I might be able to use a lot of salt. But that would probably make it way too salty.

I stopped just as I was about to cut the meat into bite-sized pieces.
Since we weren’t using a frying pan, small pieces wouldn’t cook evenly. Rejected.

Then I realized: we didn’t have any proper cooking tools.
Should I skewer it like grilled river fish? But even firewood had been a struggle for Nishida to gather, let alone suitable branches for skewers.
Making skewers from scratch would take way too much time.

That’s when it hit me—the legendary manga meat.
I’ve always wanted to try making it at least once.

Of course, there was no way it would cook evenly all the way through.
So, I decided to slice off the cooked parts little by little with a knife.

I stabbed a metal spear from my magic bag into the massive chunk of meat, which was larger than my head.
The spear was heavy—probably only Azuma could actually wield it—but it would work as a cooking tool.

I was a bit worried that spinning the spear might just make the meat spin in place, but thankfully, the spear was rough and rugged enough to hold it steady.
If it didn’t work, I could always stab it with a sword from the side to keep it steady.

“Honestly, this is probably the simplest solution, even if it’s a bit improvised.”

We only used about half of the meat, the rest went back into the magic bag.
If the bag really had a time-stop function, that’d be great. If it turned out to be spoiled when I took it out tomorrow, well, tough luck.

As for Nishida, he’d had the toughest time. He made multiple trips back and forth between the forest and river to gather wood for the fire.
Honestly, sorry, dude.

Thanks to some matches, the fire was lit pretty quickly.
Though it was likely pure luck that it caught well, otherwise, it would’ve gone out quickly without constant attention.

Azuma managed the fire while Nishida focused on collecting more wood.
Even after all that effort, Nishida never showed signs of slacking. He kept going until he’d gathered enough branches to confidently say, “This should last us through the night!”
He looked so proud, like he’d accomplished something big.

Azuma and I gave him a thumbs-up, and then I set the prepared meat over the fire.

“Thanks for all your hard work, everyone. Sorry I only ended up rubbing salt on the meat.”

“Then let’s rotate tasks starting tomorrow. It’s better if we all try everything,” Azuma suggested.

“True. Plus, I had the easiest job today anyway,” Nishida added.

We chatted while rotating the meat over the fire.
The manga meat I’d dreamed of was finally roasting before my eyes.

Instead of a bone, it was speared with an actual weapon, and the setup was makeshift at best: we used spare armor on either side to hold the spear steady.
It was a pretty rough-looking cooking station, but as the meat slowly roasted, a delicious aroma started to fill the air.

Every time fat dripped onto the fire with a sizzling sound, we all swallowed hard.

“Think it’s ready? Look, this part here seems done.”

“Yeah, but we should make sure it’s fully cooked. Still, some parts are getting nice and crispy.”

“If we slice it thin enough, it should be safe to eat. Just don’t get greedy, or you might end up biting into something raw.”

After everyone agreed, I used the cleaned knife to slice off a small portion of the surface.
Even though I’d only cut “a little,” the piece in my hand turned out to be massive, like a steak.
Despite its size, it was thoroughly cooked—even when I flipped it, there was no red in sight.

“Alright, Azuma, you get the first bite. You worked the hardest today. Nishida, you’re up next!”

When I handed Azuma the meat, he shook his head and cut it into three pieces.

“We all worked hard today. Let’s share it. It’s our first catch together, after all. Kind of like a toast.”

He handed each of us a piece, grinning wide.
Man, Azuma’s a really good guy.

Getting a bit teary-eyed, the three of us raised our meat in unison.

“To our first day in this other world! Uh… what do you say instead of ‘cheers’ in this case?”

“No clue. Who cares about the details?”

“How about ‘itadakimasu’? I mean, it’s food.”

We ended up laughing at how awkward it sounded.
But that’s just how we were.

“Alright, let’s do this properly. Itadakimasu!“

“Itadakimasu!“

With a big chomp, we bit into the oversized chunks of meat.

“Damn, it’s gamey! But it’s not bad—kinda stinky, but tasty!”

“Maybe we should’ve prepped it earlier. Also, maybe a bit more salt? Who cares, though, this is our first meal in another world, and it’s good!”

“Wild boar’s bound to have a strong smell, but next time, let’s bleed it out earlier. Still, it’s plenty edible. Delicious!”

And so, our first night in this other world passed.
We ate meat and laughed together.

If only we had some booze, it would’ve been perfect—but no point being greedy.
We were still just getting started.

We’ve gotta try harder… no matter what, we need to survive.

Day 1 of Survival:
Today’s catch: a giant boar.

For amateurs like us, I’d say it wasn’t a bad result at all.

“Birds didn’t work out, but this one might…”

We crawled on our stomachs, inching closer to the pig that waddled noisily ahead.

Day 2 of Survival:
Since the leftover boar meat from yesterday hadn’t spoiled, we started our morning with a hearty meal before heading out for another hunt.

At first, we aimed for birds, but without a bow or arrows, we ended up chucking rocks and swords.

Unsurprisingly, it didn’t work. The birds gracefully soared back into the sky, leaving us empty-handed.

We then agreed to target something grounded, which led us to find… a pig.

“I heard somewhere that pigs are actually really clean animals… and wow, that’s true. I wouldn’t have believed it after seeing the ones in pigsties, but look at that shiny coat!”

“Yeah, no kidding. And look at all that meat! It must be eating pretty well.”

Compared to yesterday’s boar, this thing was nothing. It was much smaller and didn’t have that tough hide.

We could handle it. No problem.

“GO.”

“Got it!”

“I’ll circle around to the back!”

Each of us moved into position, silently surrounding the pig. We tried to make as little noise as possible, careful not to alert it… but somehow, we locked eyes with the pig.

“BUH-GO!”

It let out a loud squeal, wrinkled its nose, and shot us a look that seemed to scream, “Ugh, you guys reek!”

We still had some distance to close. If we managed to surround it, it wouldn’t escape that easily—or so we thought.

“Woah! Why’s the pig so fast!?”

“What the heck!? Why’s it hopping around like a deer!?”

“No way! How’d it notice us!?”

The pig bounced away with a light, springy gait, leaving us in the dust in no time.

What the hell? Are pigs in this world just ridiculously fast? Or… were pigs in our world always this quick?

“When it noticed us, it was looking at you, Kou-chan. You were the closest, but did you make any noise?”

“If anything, I think Nishi-kun and I were louder when we were moving… maybe it sensed us or something?”

While the two of them scratched their heads in confusion, I had another theory.

That look—the expression on the pig’s face at that moment.

It definitely thought, “Ugh, you stink.”

Its face had been so ridiculously expressive that I couldn’t help but admire it a little.

“It’s probably the smell. Its nose was twitching, and it looked absolutely disgusted.”

“Smell?”

“Smell?”

Now that I think about it, pigs have an incredible sense of smell, right?

That one had black-and-white spots… just like the pigs trained to sniff out truffles.

If that’s the case, it must’ve caught my scent.

Yesterday, we only rinsed off a little by the river, and my armor is still crusted with boar blood.

We’ve probably gotten used to the smell by now, but to that pig, it must’ve been overwhelming.

“If that’s the case, we’re in trouble. Washing everything properly would take forever… should we just give up on the pig?”

“Then what’ll we do for lunch? Look for a different target? I mean, we still have some boar meat left.”

While Nishida and Azuma discussed, I crouched near the patch of grass the pig had been rooting around in.

“Hey, you two, come here. I think this is what that pig was eating.”

Following my lead, the two of them peered into the hole in the grass.

Inside, a large cluster of mushrooms was growing.

They were big, and the marks from the pig’s bites were clearly visible.

“Could these be… truffles? They’re huge!”

“Eating mushrooms without knowing anything about them is dangerous… but if the pig was eating them, doesn’t that mean they’re not poisonous?”

There’s no way a pig would eat a poisonous mushroom.

Still, to be safe, we carefully observed the mushrooms, only picking the ones that looked exactly the same as the ones the pig had bitten into.

Anything with a slightly different color or odd shape was left alone.

Then, we compared them with the Walker Beginner’s Pack manual.

“I doubt there’s anything on mushrooms in here…” I muttered, ready to give up.

“Ah! Found it! Hey, you two, check this out!”

Azuma pointed to a section in the Beast Manual about the same kind of pig.

It said that the mushrooms these pigs dig up and eat are considered high-class ingredients.

They really were truffles!

“Great work, Azuma! Alright, today’s meal is grilled mushrooms!”

“Woooo!” we cheered as we prepared. But Nishida, still looking through the manual, muttered something under his breath.

“If we play this right… we might actually be able to catch the pig.”

What Nishida found was information about herbs used to mask scents.

And next, he went back to the section about the pig.

As expected, it noted that the pig was highly sensitive to smell and would run away immediately if it detected any unpleasant odors.

Using this herb…

Here’s the translation while keeping the honorifics intact:

First, the deodorizing herb I mentioned earlier.

A green medicinal herb with a distinctive shape, commonly used during camping trips when bathing isn’t an option.

Second, an antidote and disinfectant.

This herb looks similar to the first but has a deep blue color. It’s used as an antidote when poison is ingested. Moreover, if thrown into water, it purifies it; if boiled with soup, it can make slightly spoiled ingredients safe to eat.

Lastly, the red medicinal herb.

This one was described more as a “warning.” Apparently, crushing it releases a scent that attracts certain magical beasts. While the specific beasts weren’t listed, the warning was clear: Don’t mix it up with the other herbs.

With that in mind, I quickly gathered all three types. Surprisingly, they were growing all around us, and within minutes, we had collected them all without needing to split up. We managed to gather a decent amount and spread them out in front of us for inspection.

“These look exactly like some kind of three-herb blend.”

“Do you think we could mix them into a potion that restores full health?”

“This green herb—no joke—smells just like actual herbs. And I mean that literally.”

And so, we bid farewell to our smelly bodies. We used the green herb on our bodies and armor, tossed the blue herb into our water flasks, and ground the red herb in a spare helmet. Properly using the red herb might make hunting easier in the future. We might even be able to make traps—a long-awaited goal. Excited and filled with anticipation, we decided to eat.

“Today, it’s teppanyaki with leftover truffles and boar meat!”

“Teppan? Where the hell are you gonna get a griddle out here?”

Nishida, who was tending the campfire, replied with a skeptical tone. I didn’t think of it yesterday, but we do have something that works. Smirking confidently, I reached into my magic bag and pulled out… a piece of armor. Specifically, the chest plate that got thoroughly dented when Azuma got rammed by a boar yesterday.

“We’re gonna use this, like so.”

“Whoa… that’s clever, Kita-kun.”

I placed the armor over the campfire. Soon, it heated up, and thin wisps of smoke began to rise. I’d washed it, but I figured it might still smell a bit. After all, it was used, and a boar had rubbed its head all over it. So before cooking, I scrubbed it thoroughly with blue and green herbs. Thanks to that, there wasn’t any unpleasant smell, and the blue herb even disinfected it. These herbs are incredibly useful and will undoubtedly become survival essentials.

“Now, slap on some tallow—well, boar fat, I guess.”

I took a piece of fatty boar meat skewered on a knife and rubbed it all over the armor until it was well-lubricated. Once I was satisfied, I laid out truffles and boar meat that I’d lightly salted. To deal with the gamey smell, I rubbed green and blue herbs into the meat as well. Let’s see how it turns out.

“Alright, it’s done! Dig in.”

“I’ll start with the truffles!”

“Then I’ll try the deodorized meat.”

Each of us picked what we wanted, stabbing it with our knives and taking a bite. I went for the meat myself. The verdict?

“Damn, this is good… The gamey smell is mostly gone. I thought the herbs would overpower the meat, but they actually complement it.”

“The truffle is insane… As expected of a luxury ingredient. Even with just salt, I could eat this forever.”

“Herb-infused meat isn’t bad at all. It might work as a seasoning. I wonder what the red herb tastes like?”

We decided to save the red herb for last and focused on devouring the truffles and meat. Compared to the steaks or barbecue we had in the “old world,” the flavor was undoubtedly simpler. Still, the meat itself was delicious, with a rich, concentrated umami flavor. The gamey smell was gone, and just salt and herbs made it this good. I started wondering what other animals might taste like, or how the flavor would change if we got different seasonings back in town. Just imagining it made my mouth water.

After discussing all this while eating, we finally tried grilling meat rubbed with the red herb. Its scent was reminiscent of spices. If it had a spicy kick, it could become another invaluable ingredient.

Just as I was thinking that…

“Kou-chan! Behind you!”

“Something’s weird! It’s not attacking, but it’s acting restless!”

I turned around to see a deer with magnificent antlers peeking out from the forest. Just as Azuma said, it was pacing nervously, watching us. What’s it doing? Then, it hit me.

“The red herb… It’s the scent that attracts magical beasts.”

I skewered a piece of red-herb-seasoned meat and held it up toward the deer. It stared intently at the meat, slowly approaching as if saying, “That’s what I want!”

It seemed the red herb would make an excellent bait.

“Nishida, prep the boar hide. Higashi, ready your spear. When I give the signal, throw the hide over it!”

“The hide? Oh, right, the deer’s antlers wouldn’t be affected by swords.”

“Got it. Understood.”

I gave instructions, then slowly sidestepped to lure the deer closer. The deer, focused entirely on me (or rather, the meat), didn’t notice the two others closing in. Once they were in position and the deer was close enough…

“Now!”

I tossed the skewer, and the deer caught the meat in its mouth. Oddly enough, it didn’t seem to mind eating meat. The next moment, the boar hide was thrown over its head. Before it could react, Azuma delivered a powerful thrust to its neck with the spear.

“Yes! Stay away from the antlers! Pin it down with the spear until it stops moving! Nishida, help me stab its belly! Tonight, we’re eating venison!”

Avoiding its antlers and legs, we attacked the deer relentlessly. Truly survival of the fittest. This wasn’t the idyllic isekai life I had envisioned, but there was an undeniable sense of being alive.

On the second day of our isekai adventure, we were gradually adapting to this world.