The three idiots who couldn't become heroes are preparing a man's meal today as well. - Chapter 32

Episode 32: If You’re a Man

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“Who was the one who said the request was as good as complete?”

…That would be me. Sorry.

“Kou-chan, what do we do?”

Nishida asked, wearing a grim expression as he bit into his rice ball.

Yeah, I get why he’d make that face.

After all, right ahead of us, there was a swarm of ostriches—far more than what we had encountered during the day—fast asleep.

“How many are there…?”

Should I call it a shallow crater?

The ground had been worn away, forming a space surrounded by dense vines and piles of branches.

It looked just like a bird’s nest—only absurdly large. And inside, nearly a hundred ostriches were sleeping.

“If I counted right, 153. Maybe the best move is to quietly steal just the eggs… Look at the center.”

Following his gaze, I spotted a noticeably larger one in the middle of the crater.

That one had spread its body out, covering a massive pile of eggs.

Was it trying to warm them?

It wasn’t doing a great job, though—most of them were sticking out.

“We could easily grab three or four… as long as we don’t get caught.”

“But look at their numbers. No doubt these guys are the ones attacking the village, right?”

Yeah, the rumors we heard in the shared carriage were definitely about them.

But this wasn’t our job.

Our task was just the eggs.

The request required at least three, and Iris’s request didn’t specify a number, so even one would be enough.

That said…

“The only one who could actually go in and grab them would be Nishi-kun…”

“But if he gets caught, Nishida-sama will be facing over a hundred Dash Birds alone.”

“And the one in the center is a variant type. If we cause a commotion, it’ll be a disaster.”

Yeah, no. Impossible.

We’d be doomed if we charged in.

The only way this worked was if Nishida managed to steal the eggs unnoticed.

But with how packed those ostriches were, there wasn’t even space to step.

What the hell were we supposed to do?

If we got noticed, they’d all come charging at us.

We’d be dead in seconds. No way.

Better to apologize to the villagers and tell the guild leader we failed.

Yeah, that’s the right call.

Dying isn’t worth it.

“Alright, let’s pull out.”

“Yeah.”

“Agreed.”

“Understood.”

“This can’t be helped.”

With everyone in agreement, we turned on our heels to leave—

—But of course, bad things always happen at the worst times.

“Kweeehhhhh!”

A piercing cry rang out.

Snapping my head around, I saw one of the ostriches in the nest had lifted its head.

Its eyes were locked onto us.

This was bad.

One after another, the Dash Birds began waking up.

Even if we ran now, they’d definitely chase us.

All of them.

“What do we do, Kou-chan!?”

“Kita-kun, what now!?”

“Even if we run now… damn it!”

“Haha… yeah, we’re in quite a pinch. Ahaha…”

Think. Think.

Do we run? The villagers said they’d leave if we hid.

You idiot, where the hell are we supposed to hide in this sparse forest?

Then do we fight? Against these numbers?

Not happening. We’re no heroes or warriors.

Even if we took them down one by one, we’d be overwhelmed by sheer numbers.

We needed a plan that wouldn’t turn all their aggression on us but still thinned their ranks.

One that created an opening for at least Minami and Airi to escape…

As I desperately racked my brain, my eyes landed on the vines and branches surrounding the nest.

“Hah… Hahaha… guess we’ve got no choice.”

“Master…?”

Minami looked at me with suspicion as I let out a dry laugh.

But there was no time.

I silently apologized in my heart before speaking.

“If I die, ownership transfers to whoever survives. If no one makes it, you’re all freed from slavery. That’s an order.”

A sharp intake of breath followed.

“Master!?”

“Nishida! Azuma! You with me? Let’s act like the ultimate isekai protagonists! Even if we’re just the rejects!”

I raised my voice, no longer caring.

More ostriches stirred at the sound, but so what?

It was too late now.

“Hah! Bring it on! I don’t know what you’re planning, but I’ll go along with it!”

“I’m not running away. As long as I can stay with everyone, I’ll hold my ground! What should I do!?”

Hearing their determined voices, I couldn’t help but grin.

Alright, let’s do this.

We can pull it off—I have to believe that.

Play the role of a ‘strong one’ with everything we’ve got.

“It’s an order! Minami, get up into the trees and provide cover fire! Take out all your magazines and toss the magic bag over here! Airi, take the oil I’m giving you and spread it all around the ‘nest’! Then set it on fire! Block their escape and distract them! Burn it all down!”

“Wha—!? Are you seriously planning to fight!? That’s way too reckless!”

“Wait, wait! If you do that, you three will have no way out!”

Even as they protested, I snatched the magic bag from Minami and pulled out magazines, oil, matches, and some firewood in case the fire didn’t catch.

I grabbed everything I could and secured the bag to my waist.

“Nishida, don’t stop, no matter what! Keep attacking while you run! Azuma, no need to defend—just keep swinging as long as you have the strength!”

As I shouted, I handed Nishida several small weapons and gave Azuma two greatswords.

Then, I took out two spears for myself.

“Let’s go, you bastards! It’s ostrich hunting time!”

“Yeah!! I’ll keep running until I drop!”

“We’ll take them all down! We won’t die!”

We all shouted as we sprinted forward.

Straight into the heart of that ‘nest.’

Since we were acting as decoys anyway, we might as well steal all the eggs while we’re at it.

Might as well cause as much chaos as possible.

“Master! Stop this!”

“Ugh, fine! But I’m really gonna light it up, you hear me!?”

And so, against over 150 magical beasts—including an even stronger variant—our reckless battle began.

…….

…….

Idiots. They’re absolute idiots!

That thought ran through my head as I kept running, tossing bottle after bottle of oil.

This was suicide.

Or rather, it was just a plan to let Minami-chan and me escape.

They’re planning to die.

Just three of them, against over 150 magical beasts.

Minami-chan, perched in the trees as ordered, was desperately firing arrows, but at this rate, she’d run out soon.

“Damn it! Why!? Why is this happening!?”

No one did anything wrong. No one made a mistake.

And yet, things still turned out this way.

I understand—it’s just ‘one of those things.’

A simple accident, an unlucky incident.

But sometimes, they happen at the worst possible moment.

That’s what being a Walker is like.

I’ve seen it happen too many times, and that’s why I chose to retire.

But I thought… if it were them, if it were these people…

That was why I ‘came back.’

And yet, it’s happening again?

No. No way.

I refuse to abandon my comrades ever again.

Tears streamed down my face as I kept running, scattering oil everywhere.

“I made a full lap, right?”

All the oil I had was used up.

But Minami-chan was in sight.

She should be okay.

Thinking that, I struck a match.

But—

“Why!? Why won’t it light!?”

Even though I spread the oil, the fire wouldn’t catch.

Why? Why can’t I even do something this simple?

I hate this.

Maybe I really shouldn’t have come back to being a Walker.

That thought stung, and more tears welled up.

No. This isn’t the time to cry.

I have to finish my job.

I wiped my eyes and lit the firewood he gave me.

If a match won’t work, I’ll use a bigger flame.

As I lit the wood, the fire glowed green.

“…Oh. Could this be Rent-kun’s…?”

I’d heard that Treant wood burns with a strange-colored flame.

I’d never seen it in person, but—

The fire was much stronger than normal.

With this!

With that hope, I shoved the burning wood into the vines and branches forming the ‘nest.’

The result—

“Yes!”

With the oil’s help, the Dash Bird nest erupted into flames.

I followed the instructions, carried out my orders.

A sense of accomplishment filled me, but—what now?

And if I wasn’t mistaken… this meant I was about to lose something again.

“Don’t you dare, Kitayama-san… If you don’t have some kind of plan—I won’t forgive you…”

Muttering that under my breath, I glared fiercely into the roaring fire.

 

……..

…….

“Hate it, hate it. I absolutely hate it!”

I kept firing arrows relentlessly.

Calm down. My arrows aren’t unlimited.

If I lose my composure and miss, the time I can keep fighting, the number of enemies I can take down, will shrink.

I know that, yet I keep shooting.

If I keep this up, I’ll run out of arrows and won’t be able to help my Masters.

I know that, yet I can’t stop attacking.

“Please… no… don’t leave me behind… I’m begging you… please, please!”

Tears streamed down my face as I continued firing my crossbow from atop the tree.

That last smile I saw on their faces—it wasn’t the smile of someone thinking about themselves.

It was the face of someone who had resolved to sacrifice themselves to protect those they must protect—me and Airi-sama.

No. No way.

I can’t live alone.

Without them, I won’t feel happiness.

That’s why I keep firing desperately.

I don’t even know which beast I’m aiming at anymore.

But as long as I shoot, I hit something.

It’s like they’re swarming.

And they’re in the middle of it.

Master and the others are fighting amidst a crushing mass of magical beasts.

“Run… please, run! I beg you… don’t die! I don’t want a world without you, Masters!”

I screamed and kept firing desperately.

Then—

Clank!

A merciless sound rang out.

My arrows were gone. I had to reload.

Reaching for the magazine at my waist, I grabbed the last one.

Only 30 shots left.

No… that can’t be…

“There are still so many beasts left, and I can only fight with this?”

A cold chill ran down my spine.

No. No way.

Just as I tried to shove the magazine into my crossbow—

“Zuaaahhh!”

A scream echoed.

I flinched violently, and the magazine slipped from my fingers.

“Agh! No!”

That was my last means of attack.

My last lifeline to save my Masters.

And I had just dropped it.

“Damn it!”

Without thinking, I leaped from the tree, catching the magazine mid-air.

But my landing was rough—I hit the ground back-first.

“Ugh! Guh! Cough… damn it…”

I coughed violently but still managed to shove the magazine into my crossbow.

Now I had 30 more shots.

I couldn’t see Master and the others from here. I had to climb back up the tree.

Just as I placed my hand on the trunk—

“Huh? Why?”

My strength vanished.

No matter how hard I tried, my muscles just trembled, and I collapsed onto the ground.

Move. Move!

I can’t help them from here.

I have to climb up—I won’t be able to see them otherwise.

“Stand up… I have to stand! There’s no time to sit around. Move! If I don’t move now, I’ll lose everything!”

I pounded my thighs desperately, pleading for them to move.

Still, my legs refused to obey.

Terror. Despair.

Those emotions must be holding me back.

Screw that.

I’ve already been through hell.

Am I really going to let them die without repaying the kindness they gave me?

No. No way.

What am I afraid of?

So what if I die?

Dying for them would be so much better than dying in that hell.

“So… move, damn it! Why won’t you move?! Coward! Weakling! Am I so pathetic that I can’t even repay the people who saved me?!”

No. No. No!

I can’t let them die.

I’ll be the decoy—I’ll take their place.

So please… at least let Masters…

“Nooooo!”

I let out a desperate, childlike scream.

Tears kept falling, sobs wracked my body.

I could do nothing but curl up where I had collapsed.

Pathetic. Worthless.

Absolutely useless.

I had sworn to change, but in the end—

“Why? Why?! No! Masters!”

Wailing, I stretched my hand toward the raging flames before me.

Truly… utterly… pathetic.

I hadn’t changed at all.