The three idiots who couldn't become heroes are preparing a man's meal today as well. - Chapter 34

Episode 34: Ostrich Meat and Hero Summoning

---

“Haaaah…”

On a lazy afternoon, I was grilling meat in the yard of the inn.

If you ask why I was cooking out here, it’s because the branch chief had issued a survival ban on me.

To be precise, it was due to the massive number of Dash Birds I had asked the guild to butcher.

Until that was finished, I was ordered to stay in town.

Apparently, it would take two to three days.

Well, it couldn’t be helped—there were over a hundred of them.

And on top of that, I had also requested the butchering of that giant tuna. It was only natural that it would take time.

It’s not like the guild was only dealing with the things we brought in, so I couldn’t complain about the delay.

“Kou-chan, are you still hung up on the title?”

“Come on, ‘Deadline’ sounds cool, doesn’t it?”

Nishida, stirring the soup, and Azuma, chopping vegetables, both let out wry smiles.

“You guys got straightforward and cool-sounding titles like ‘Gale’ and ‘Iron Wall,’ but what the hell is ‘Deadline’? Sounds like a damn submission due date.”

“I’m pretty sure it means something like ‘Dead Line’…”

Minami, carrying more cut meat, handed it to me with a troubled expression.

Dead Line, huh…

I could certainly think of a few reasons why I might’ve gotten that title.

But it was also a title that could be interpreted in multiple ways depending on the person.

It could mean ‘one who has crossed the line of Death’—which wouldn’t be too bad.

On the other hand, it could also mean ‘one who sends their comrades to the brink of death,’ which would be the worst possible interpretation.

Sure, back then, it wouldn’t have been surprising if we had died.

I had accepted that risk.

And in reality, we did sustain some injuries.

But still, now that I’ve actually been given the title…

“Man, I really hope it doesn’t mean something like ‘limit line’… as in, I won’t grow any further.”

“You’re overthinking it. Titles change pretty easily over time.”

Airi encouraged me while throwing more firewood into the flames.

Well, it’s not like complaining would change anything now.

If my title were to change at this moment, I had a feeling it would become something like ‘Whiny Kid’ or ‘Sulk Master.’

Yeah, best to stop thinking about it.

“As long as you keep being a Walker, it’ll probably change sooner or later. Honestly, I’m more surprised it didn’t turn into something like ‘Monster Eater’ or even ‘Gluttonous Fiend.’ Anyway, the oven’s ready—fire’s going strong.”

“…Yeah, maybe. Thanks for the oven.”

The four Dwarves, including Thoor, shot me exasperated looks.

Alright, enough thinking about it.

So, what exactly were we doing here today?

Well, it was a tasting party to try out the ostrich meat from the ones we hunted on our last quest.

With the innkeeper’s permission, we even got the Dwarves to build a pizza oven.

Apparently, pizza is pretty common on this side too, so it wasn’t difficult for them to make.

With earth magic and some other tricks, they stuck the bricks together in no time.

So, today, we were going to experiment with ostrich meat.

We had only butchered a few, but since they’re large monsters, there should be enough for everyone.

Once the guild delivers the enormous amount of ostrich meat later, we’ll need to figure out the best ways to prepare it.

“Man, this stuff is really red… ostrich meat.”

“Yeah, it’s so red you’d wonder if it even has fat. Since it has so little fat, maybe it’s diet-friendly meat? I bet women would love it.”

Minami said that so casually, but… does she realize that she’s a woman herself?

And this is monster meat.

The only women eating it here are Minami and Airi.

“It kinda looks like beef? Or maybe tuna? I can’t tell.”

“Wasn’t it fat that affects an ingredient’s smell and taste? I don’t remember too well.”

Everyone murmured their thoughts as they observed the various preparations of the meat.

For today’s menu, we had: manga meat, steak, yakiniku, skewers, stew, soup, and finally, pizza.

So, we had fires and smoke rising everywhere from stoves, makeshift hearths, campfires, and a barbecue set.

“Airi, stretch out the pizza dough. Gonna bake it soon.”

“Okay~”

“Thoor, can you guys keep an eye on the fires? I don’t have enough hands for this.”

“Leave it to us. This is our specialty.”

And so, we kept pumping out more and more dishes.

We were making quite a variety, but with this group, it shouldn’t be a problem.

If there was one issue, it was the smoke and the smell.

Peeking from the inn’s windows was a common sight, but now we even had a crowd gathering along the street.

Man, this was getting awkward…

――――

“Alright then, let’s dig in.”

“Thanks for the food!”

Everyone swallowed their saliva as they stared at the spread of dishes laid out on the large makeshift table.

Appearance-wise, it looked normal.

Perhaps because ostriches move around so much, their meat had almost no fat at all.

It was nearly pure red meat, so I thought it might be tough… but—

“Whoa!? This is way softer than I expected! This is the fillet part, right? It might even be softer than beef.”

The first bite was the fillet steak.

We prepared three types, simply seasoned with salt and pepper, garlic sauce, and marinated.

All of them were incredibly tender and full of flavor.

The simplest preparation—just salt and pepper—really showcased the meat’s softness and umami.

It was much lighter than expected, with almost no gamey taste at all.

It felt like this meat would work well in just about any dish.

“I tried the yakiniku, and damn… it’s not heavy at all. I could eat a ton of this. The sauce goes great with it, and it pairs perfectly with rice.”

Nishida stuffed his face with meat and rice as he spoke.

Hmm, with this taste, making an ostrich yakiniku rice bowl would totally work.

“Hmm… yeah, it’s tasty. Really tasty. But if you’re eating it as a ‘manga meat,’ it might be a little too light? Maybe it just feels that way because we’ve been eating boar until now. But still, it’s delicious.”

Azuma seemed to have gone for the manga meat.

He was slicing it with a knife and eating it like a snack, one bite after another.

I see, so it’s fundamentally light and has little gamey taste.

It probably pairs well with anything, but maybe not the best choice when you’re in the mood for something heavy and rich?

“The skewers are incredibly delicious. This is bad, I can’t stop.”

Minami, the chicken lover, seemed especially fond of the skewers.

She was eating them at an astonishing pace.

Well, she do love yakitori.

Eat as much as you like.

“Maybe I should try making karaage next time…”

“Karaage!”

“I said next time, okay?”

Now that I think about it, using ostrich eggs for oyakodon might be a good idea too.

Looks like there’ll be a lot of dishes that’ll make Minami happy for a while.

“Stews are great too… A rich stew is good, but a light soup is also delicious. It’s much less greasy than usual, so I feel like I could eat this forever without getting tired of it. Especially this one—this soup really complements the slow-cooked meat!”

Airi was systematically trying out all the soups.

If I remember correctly, the soup she liked had meat from the neck.

I initially wondered if ostrich neck was even edible, but as expected, the firmer parts of a bird tend to be delicious.

Some regions even say that chicken feet are the tastiest part, after all.

It might be considered a delicacy or something along those lines.

“Kuhahaha! The ale keeps flowing!”

“Delicious! Everything is delicious!”

“Do we still have any pizza left to bake? How about we try making some more ourselves?”

“Kitayama! If you need anything, just shout it out!”

The dwarves had no complaints—just eating and drinking to their hearts’ content.

They especially seemed to love the pizza and ale combo, as they’d already devoured about three whole pizzas.

“Hmm… let’s try something new.”

“Is there still more, Master?”

From my magic bag, I pulled out a bone-in cut of neck meat.

After seasoning it with salt and pepper, I placed it on the barbecue grill.

Once a seared crust formed, I brushed it with a sweet and savory sauce before grilling it further.

Gulp.

I heard that unmistakable sound, and when I looked up, everyone was staring at my hands.

What I was making was a sort of mock spare ribs.

Since it wasn’t from the rib section, I was basically just grilling a bone-in piece of meat.

Visually, though, it looked just like a single-bone spare rib.

“Alright, whoever wants to try it, raise your hand!”

“”Me!””

Of course, everyone raised their hand.

So…

“Rock-paper-scissors! We’ll decide with rock-paper-scissors!”

“Rock-paper-scissors? What is that, Master?”

“Oh, right, I need to explain first.”

After a brief lesson on how to play, a fierce competition ensued.

And the last one standing, the ultimate victor, took a bite of my freshly grilled bone-in meat.

“W-what is this!? It’s so plump and juicy! Is it because the bone was grilled together with the meat!? The umami, the depth of flavor, the tenderness—it’s on a whole other level!”

The winner was Thoor.

His magnificent beard was now dripping with sauce and meat juices as he chomped down in utter amazement.

“Kou-chan! There’s still more neck meat, right?!”

“More! We demand more!”

“Master… if possible, I’d like some too.”

“I worked really hard on that last request, didn’t I!? I deserve a reward! A reward, please!”

“”Kitayama! Us too, please!””

“With the stock we have, it’s rock-paper-scissors again for tonight.”

“”Eeeeh…””

“I’ll make it for you again next time, alright?”

And so, the ostrich meat tasting was a huge success.

The verdict? Just plain delicious.

It seemed like a versatile meat that could go with just about anything, except for when you’re craving something really greasy and heavy.

I really lucked out getting my hands on such good meat.

And in massive quantities, too.

This should help with food supply issues quite a bit.

Not that we were ever struggling in the first place, though.

“By the way, Kitayama, have you heard ‘that story’?”

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

Everyone was still looking satisfied as we cleaned up after the meal.

Then, all of a sudden, Thoor’s expression darkened as he said those words.

“Well, you guys are mostly out and about, so I suppose it’s no surprise you haven’t heard.”

“Quit beating around the bush and just spit it out.”

“They summoned a ‘Hero’ at the royal palace. Just a few days ago.”

“…What?”

A word we never wanted to hear again.

“Hero Summoning.”

Because of that, we were dragged to ‘this side’—and abandoned.

I don’t hold a grudge against the fact that we ended up here.

But I can never forget how we were discarded as soon as we were summoned, the baseless expectations, the disappointment, the hopeless stares, and that crushing sense of despair.

“Yeah, the rumors seem to be true. Apparently, they managed to summon a ‘Saint’ alongside the ‘Hero.’ They even came to our shop, demanding donations. What a bunch of entitled bastards.”

“Hah! As if summoning someone like that would be of any use. Not like anyone even knows if the Demon King’s army actually exists.”

“Exactly. And since they got a ‘Saint’ too, the church has been running wild, right? Those useless clergy only show up when it’s time to collect money. Refusing them is a hassle since they’ll just keep pestering you later.”

The four dwarves were exchanging sighs as they talked, but for us, this was no idle gossip.

I, Nishida, and Azuma stood frozen in place, listening intently.

“Hey, Thoor, when exactly did this happen?”

“Hmm? Let’s see… I think it was about three or four days ago.”

“They only summoned the ‘Hero’ and the ‘Saint’—just the two of them?”

“Hmm? Yeah, probably… Why do you ask?”

Of course.

They wouldn’t report if any ‘useless extras’ were summoned alongside them.

And if more than two people had been summoned… then those people would be—

“Sorry, but can I leave the cleanup to you? Nishida, Azuma, we’re going.”

“Yeah.”

“Got it. If we don’t hurry, this could be bad.”

As we abruptly abandoned our work and started walking off, everyone shot us suspicious looks.

Naturally.

After all, we had never told anyone that we were summoned.

“Masters? Um, is something wrong…?”

“What’s the rush? Is something urgent?”

Minami and Airi called out to us, but the three of us could only give troubled smiles in response.

“Sorry, but there might be more of us soon. I really hope that’s not the case, though.”

“Huh?”

“Alright, I’m counting on you guys for the rest.”

Leaving just those words behind, we took off running.

We didn’t want to go. We didn’t want to get involved.

But even so, we had to head to the royal palace—the place where our ‘otherworldly lives’ had begun.

“Nishida, go check the guild records for any recent Walker registrations. If the princess helped again, there might be a chance.”

“Got it.”

In a blur, Nishida sprinted in a different direction.

The title of ‘Gale’ wasn’t just for show.

“Azuma, you’re with me. We’re scouting around the castle—the alleys, the slums, everywhere. And don’t forget to ask around.”

“Understood. If there are others… I just hope they’re safe.”

Without saying anything more, we pressed on toward the castle.

Please, no more victims.

We were lucky.

The three of us had each other, and we had the princess’s support.

But that might not be the case this time.

Which is exactly why we had to hurry.

“Seriously… what’s the point of a Hero Summoning…?”

Muttering that complaint under my breath, we kept running.