The three idiots who couldn't become heroes are preparing a man's meal today as well. - Chapter 4

Episode 4: Beer and the Drunken Bundle of Furs

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It had been a week since the trio had left town for their job.

Unsurprisingly, nobody in town remembered strangers who had vanished into the wild.

Even the guild receptionist who had handled their registration barely recalled them.

Such was the life of a Walker.

Many lost their lives on their very first job, never returning.

This reality was so routine that it was no longer practical for the receptionist to remember every new face.

And yet—

 

“Welcome ba…ck—”

The receptionist’s words caught in her throat.

The three standing before her were in an utterly bizarre state.

 

“Could I see your identification?”

“Ah, yes, of course.”

The man in the lead—likely the group’s leader—presented three cards.

Upon verifying them, she confirmed that they were indeed the rookies who had registered just a week ago.

But was that really true?

Their armor, once a standard-issue full plate commonly worn by the nation’s soldiers, was now unrecognizable.

Covered in dirt, caked in dried blood, rusted, and discolored, it was in such terrible condition that they looked more like bandits than adventurers.

Oddly, though their appearance was in shambles, they didn’t carry any unpleasant odors.

“You took on a quest to hunt three Shadow Wolves a week ago, correct?”

“Yes, that’s right. Also, we killed some other creatures along the way. You said we could claim rewards for proof materials like pelts, right?”

The leader spoke in a polite tone that was at odds with his rugged appearance.

His demeanor, though calm, couldn’t help but feel unsettling to the receptionist, who instinctively remained on guard.

“Yes, as long as the materials are from magical beasts, we can offer rewards. Some items need to be submitted to the guild, but magic stones and the like will be purchased at market value. Other materials can either be sold or kept, depending on their condition.”

“Great, then we’d like to turn them in. Honestly, we couldn’t catch any wolves, so we ended up hunting boars, deer, and rabbits instead…”

With a relaxed air, the man tipped over his pouch.

Out poured a startling array of materials—pelts, horns, mysterious cuts of meat, and an unusual number of magic stones.

Though the beasts weren’t particularly strong, it was highly improbable that a group of rookies could have hunted so many in just a week.

The receptionist stared in disbelief.

“Would it be alright to bring these to the dismantling area? Handling such a large amount here would be… difficult.”

“Oh, right! Sorry about that,” the man said, bowing repeatedly.

The two behind him scrambled to gather up the foul-smelling pelts and meat.

Who were these people?

Their unconventional methods and eccentric air defied common sense.

Suppressing her unease, the receptionist led them to the dismantling area.

“I was hoping for a higher payout…”

“Well, we’re amateurs at skinning, and the materials weren’t in great condition.”

“Yeah, we hacked and bashed our way through those hunts. Our dismantling skills were trash, but at least the magic stones sold for a decent price, right?”

The trio shared their thoughts as they celebrated their survival with beer at the guild tavern.

Their meal? Potatoes—fried wedges, skins on. That was all.

But after a week of living off the land, even that seemed like a feast.

The oil and seasonings seeped into their exhausted bodies.

And the beer? While not perfectly chilled, it was refreshing enough to soothe their spirits.

Ah, processed food and alcohol—what a blessing.

They resolved to stock up on seasonings, cooking tools, and alcohol for their next expedition.

After all, wouldn’t it be nice to enjoy fried food even in the middle of the forest?

For that week, they had tirelessly hunted the elusive “Shadow Wolves.”

But the creatures were nowhere to be found.

And when they did encounter wolves, the beasts quickly fled.

Realizing they were wasting their time, they changed tactics.

Some wise person once said, “If you can’t catch them by running, set a trap.”

Probably.

Being complete amateurs, they couldn’t set up sophisticated traps.

After some trial and error, they settled on a strategy where one of them became the bait.

It was simple: one member would don an animal pelt and sit still beside monster meat smeared with red herbs, pretending to be part of the trap.

To their surprise, wolves began appearing.

At first, the wolves would circle cautiously, wary of the camouflaged member.

Eventually, they seemed to decide that the “bait” was dead and moved in for the meat.

That’s when the two hidden members would strike.

By the end of the week, all three were thoroughly drenched in blood, mud, and who knew what else.

Even after washing in the river, their gear was still filthy.

Thanks to green herbs, the stench was bearable, but after a week in the wild, everything—from their bodies to their spirits—was worn down.

When they ran out of salt and most of their weapons became unusable, they decided to return to town.

Their armor, the last functional set, was barely holding together.

The greatest discovery of their hunt, however, was the magic stones.

When they first found one embedded in a beast’s heart, they were so shocked they shouted, “Hey, are these beasts?! They have a rock in their heart!”

The magic stones ended up being their biggest moneymaker during the guild payout.

In the end, the trio had survived their first week as Walkers.

At first, they were determined to complete their job no matter what.

But somewhere along the way, it became less about the mission and more about enjoying the survival experience—almost like a camping trip.

Perhaps it was the novelty of being in another world, or the thrill of self-sufficiency, but they adapted surprisingly well.

By the last few days, they had grown confident, and even their physical strength seemed to have increased.

Even the heaviest full-plate armor no longer felt burdensome.

They joked that perhaps the beasts’ meat had been extraordinarily nutritious—or maybe, just maybe, their levels had gone up.

Too bad appraisals cost money.

What a harsh world this was.

…………..

…….

…

.

“We’ve gotten pretty smooth at dismantling things, but still, I’d love to be taught by someone skilled. It seems like the prices for furs and such go up if they’re well-preserved,”
Nishida mumbled with a grin, seemingly starting to feel the effects of the alcohol.

It’s true that it’s a real waste.

Even if we manage to catch big game like boars or deer, we’re not skilled enough to properly handle them.
No matter what we do, they always end up a mess.

It’s sufficient to serve as proof of our hunt, but if it could fetch a higher price, then of course, we’d like to sell it.

“Also, we need cooking tools and seasonings. Stuff like oil, dishes… there’s a lot we want. But first, we need to prioritize weapons and armor, huh?”

Azuma, too, seemed to have many thoughts on the matter, sipping his beer while surveying the people in the guild.

What stood out were the rugged, muscle-bound men.

Everyone was decked out in various kinds of armor and equipped with cool-looking weapons.

But if we wanted to outfit everyone in the group, would we even have enough money?
We still had plenty of gold coins left from what the princess had given us… but weapons and armor seem really expensive.

Still, we can’t get started without them…

“Hmm, for now, how about we ask to observe the guild’s dismantling area? Even if it costs money, I think it would definitely be worth learning from it.”

“Ah, that sounds like a good idea.”

“Yeah, and if it’s paid, we can just decide after asking about the cost. Oh, and while we’re at it, we should check out the stalls in town. We might get a sense of what kinds of seasonings are available.”

With everyone’s opinions converging, our immediate goal was set.

After quickly finishing off the remaining beer, we stood up.

“Alright, let’s go ask that usual receptionist lady!”

“”Ooh!””

……….

……

..

My name is Airi, and I work as a receptionist at the Walker Guild.

It is currently the afternoon, a time when any diligent Walker would already be heading to work.

Among the people drinking in the guild’s dining hall at this hour, most of them are the lazy ones.

They are the kind who work once in a while but mostly hang around in taverns—rough-and-tumble types.

I can’t help but wonder what the difference is between them and mountain bandits, but they are still proper Walkers, and colleagues to me.

Of course, there might be some Walkers who are off on their day off or just returned, but… the ones in front of me are definitely different.

“Hey, Airi-chan, how about it? Tonight, maybe? I can recommend a good place, you know?”

“I apologize, but I’m currently working, so I cannot accept such offers.”

“You’re always so stiff. Why not be more casual? Or wait—does that mean it’s okay after work? Right?”

He leans forward from the counter, breathing out a beer-scented breath, getting closer to me.

Behind him, there are three men who seem to be his party members, all grinning lazily and peeking at me.

This is something I’m used to—part of the job.

I try to brush it off, but the frustration still builds up.

“I’m sorry, but this is the counter for accepting quests or applications. Please leave before you cause any trouble for the other Walkers.”

I respond with a forced smile, but apparently, it had the opposite effect.

These guys seem pretty drunk today.

And it’s still the afternoon.

“There’s no other Walker coming at this time. And yet, you’re as cute as ever. If you keep smiling like that, we might misunderstand, you know?”

The men behind him burst out laughing, and just as I was about to report this to the branch chief, I hear a voice from behind them.

“Um, sorry. If you’re just being hit on, can I go ahead? I have something work-related to discuss with the receptionist here.”

That voice… I think I just heard it a moment ago.

“What’s this? Don’t you know how to wait your turn? Do you even know who we are?”

One of the drunk men turns around and says, and then the voice from behind responds.

“Sorry about that, senpai. We just registered last week, so we don’t know anything about you guys, and you just look like a bunch of drunkards to us.”

“What!?”

Uh-oh. This doesn’t look good.

Fights between Walkers happen fairly often, but if it happens within the guild, it’s not going to end easily.

If they were just going to settle things with their fists, maybe it’d be okay, but I’m pretty sure the drunk guys in front of me are going to draw their swords.

My bad feeling quickly becomes reality.

“Hey, don’t ruin the good vibe, rookie. You wanna die that fast huh?”

The guy who was speaking to me draws his sword, and as if on cue, the others around him put their hands on their swords too.

And then—

“Ouch! What the hell’s with this guy!? He’s got way too much strength!”

A scream rings out.

Ah, they’ve done it now… I sigh and glance towards the back.

There, I see—

“Kitayama, these guys are way weaker than boars. What should we do?”

“I don’t want to cause too many problems, but I can’t just ignore a girl being harassed by drunks… Besides, we’ve got our own business to take care of.”

“Ko-chan, you always pick fights like this, huh? Even though you can’t win most of the time.”

“Shut up. A man’s gotta have guts, right? I was a physical laborer before, you know.”

“True, you did survive by that mentality.”

As their conversation continues, one of the drunk men is suddenly thrown behind them with a loud “poof!” sound.

What… just happened?

“Alright, everyone. Have you heard that the only ones who should point weapons at others are the ones ready to have weapons pointed at them? I’m not ready for that! So, I’ll take you on with my fists! Nishida! Azuma! Formation, rabbit hunt!”

“Yeah!”

And then, it was nothing short of spectacular.

All the eyes in the guild turned toward the scene, where the rookie Walkers were bravely fighting.

Is this a fight?

They were being hit and had swords pointed at them, yet they kept a steady distance and systematically took down one person at a time.

Did they really say “rabbit hunt”?

They were indeed right.

The biggest man stepped forward and intimidated the enemy.

While he did that, one of the smaller guys would move behind or to the side, and if possible, take them out there.

However, if the enemy tried to avoid or escape, another man, who seemed to be the leader, would be waiting for them.

It was as if they knew exactly where the enemy would run.

It was like a hunt.

The fact that they had survived for a week in a forest full of magical beasts didn’t seem like an exaggeration. Their teamwork was so well coordinated, it was like watching a “hunt.”

“You bastards… do you know who I am—”

“He got a weapon! Formation, deer!”

“Yeah!”

With a lively reply, the large man starts running towards the enemy.

The heavy sound of his dirty full plate armor clanking with every step is enough to instill fear.

And he’s even shouting “HOOOOAAAA!” at the top of his lungs, his voice echoing—he’s certainly quite something.

However, his opponent is still a Walker, despite everything.

The Walker stares at him with sharp eyes, quietly lowering his body and readying his sword.

“No!! It’s dangerous!”

The moment I instinctively shout out, fur-covered men leap out from both sides of the Walker with the sword.

…Huh?

Amidst everyone’s confusion, the man wrapped in fur panics, and the large man comes to an abrupt stop.

And then—

“C’mon, hit ‘em up!”

“The deer’s smarter than you! Drunkards’ vision gets all blurry!”

The other two begin beating and kicking the drunken Walkers.

Even when they’re crouched on the ground, they continue stomping on them relentlessly.

The drunkards wrapped in the two large fur pelts are helplessly stomped on.

They squirm, but… the swords can’t get through the fur, and they don’t show any sign of coming out.

Also, those furs… If I’m not mistaken, they look like they belong to a royal boar…

At the very least, these aren’t things rookies should be carrying.

What’s more, they’re being used like consumables as part of their strategy.

“Alright, that should be enough! Azuma, help out! Let’s take them to the riverbed and get ready to break them down!”

“Hey, Kitayama, you might’ve forgotten, but this is a human. You can’t eat them, you know?”

“Ah… right, we can’t eat them. Ko-chan, let’s stop. This is a waste of energy, it’ll mess up our camp. If we keep this up, we won’t be able to get dinner tonight.”

“Nishida, we’re not camping today, though. We’re staying at an inn, remember? We can just order food.”

There’s a lot of concerning things being said, but more than that, the disappointment from the two who were kicking is just intense.

Why are they so disappointed? What have you guys been eating for the past week?

While quickly gathering up the furs, they spit on the opponents. But seriously, are they barbarians?

“What’s all this commotion?”

“Oh, Branch Chief.”

A deep voice and a gruff face approach from behind me. It’s not a mountain bandit, but the Branch Chief.

It seems the noise got so loud that he came over before the report was made.

“Report.”

“Um… well, they are…”

I look at them, unsure how to explain, as the now completely darkened group of men slowly make their way to the counter.

Then, just when I think they’re about to say something, they speak up.

“Sorry for causing a commotion. Now, onto the main issue… would it be possible to tour the dissection area?”

What are these people, really?