The three idiots who couldn't become heroes are preparing a man's meal today as well. - Chapter 50

Episode 50: Kitayama Springs in the Corner of the Garden

After thoroughly entertaining the children who had thrown us a grand “Welcome Back Party” the other day, we visited the Walker Guild.

“I hear the numbers have increased again this week.”

“Yeah, two more and one employee. Well, we’re taking it easy.”

“Diving into the usual forest isn’t enough to level up anymore, though.”

“Shut up.”

And so, before me stood the Branch Chief.

Beside him was Airi.

Perhaps because we had sent her back to reception last week, her gaze was rather intense.

“But simply diving into the ‘usual’ forest just to gather meat must be dull, no?”

“Just so you know, we don’t have that much ambition, alright? Also, we kinda went overboard and hunted like crazy—should we be worried?”

“What use are magic beasts if not to be hunted? Because of them, the number of wild animals has decreased, and now it’s reached the point where animals have a better chance of survival if they stay near humans. There are even reports that the number of domesticated animals in villages and towns is now greater than that of wild ones.”

That sounds like an extinction crisis.

Well, maybe it’s different outside of this area.

For now, at least, it seems hunting all the magic beasts won’t be a problem.

“And you two show no signs of change, either. So, magic beast meat still isn’t a material that can turn someone into a ‘Demon’?”

“No idea. That’s for you to figure out. Anyway, today, I wanted to talk about something else, Branch Chief-sama.”

“Money? We can’t increase the support funds right now.”

“That was quick…”

Well, it’s not about that, so whatever.

Honestly, the orphanage has more than enough money.

Since we either cook for ourselves or hunt for food, our meal expenses are practically nonexistent.

“Well, it is somewhat money-related, but…”

“What’s wrong? Ran out of funds for ‘Hearty Eater’? I’m afraid I can’t help with that.”

The Branch Chief tilted his head as he said that, but—no, that’s not it.

“Do you know any place that sells magic bags…?”

“…Hey. Mind if I ask a few things?”

Magic Bags.

A mysterious item of this otherworld.

And the ones we own are incredibly rare and valuable, boasting an absurdly large capacity.

On top of that, they even have a time-stop function, making them ultra high-end.

And where did they come from?

The princess.

We received them from the daughter of this country’s ruler!

Hell yeah!

…Or at least, it would’ve been great if we could just stay excited about that forever.

“So, yeah… It’s reached its capacity limit. When we shoved everything into our home’s storage, that got… well, let’s just say it’s packed. Stuffed to the brim. For now, we’ve unloaded some, so we have some space, but still.”

“That ‘magic bag’—the one that still had room even after storing all your equipment, countless weapons, over 150 Dash Birds, and that giant fish—is now full? Hoho, that’s intriguing. So, how much did you hunt this time? Go on, tell me.”

The pressure from the Branch Chief was intense.

Yeah, we definitely overdid it this time.

Three guys going wild, hunting everything in sight—it was inevitable.

Eventually, the magic bag itself started rejecting items.

It was practically spitting them out, as if to say, No more.

“About… this much?”

“Haaaah…”

I held up all the fingers on one hand and a few on the other, and he let out a deep, weary sigh.

Can’t be helped.

We’ve got a lot of mouths to feed.

We probably still got several months’ worth of food, though.

At this rate, we might as well have an all-you-can-eat barbecue every day.

“So when you said ‘Dead Line’… you meant you were pushing things to extinction?”

“Airi, stop. That really hits deep. Like, seriously.”

And so, discussions were held about adding more frozen storage to the orphanage and “home,” as well as where we might find magic bags for sale.

Though, we were warned that anything available wouldn’t be nearly as convenient as the ones we had.

The Branch Chief also agreed to look into it further.

By the way, as for the relationship between “home” and the orphanage, we’re practically neighbors.

Apparently, the “home” we bought used to be managed by the Fortia family, and when they decided to provide a mansion for the orphanage, they arranged for us to get the building next door.

Rich people are insane.

They can do anything.

That’s what I found myself thinking.

And then—

“If you really want something like that, you’ll have to dive into the dungeon and find it yourself.”

“Huh?”

“Dungeons ‘give birth’ to all sorts of unique items. Sometimes, even things of great value. The magic bags you all carry likely fall into that category. Dungeons absorb corpses and leftover belongings. And in order to lure in new ‘prey,’ they create such items. Even an ordinary bag can be transformed into a magic bag by the dungeon. It happens more often than you’d think.”

In other words, the magic bags hanging from our waists might have originally been someone else’s belongings.

Whoa… creepy…

That thought crossed my mind, but at the same time, I couldn’t help but feel drawn to the dungeon.

“When you think of dungeons, it’s all about bosses, treasure chests, and striking it rich…!”

“Don’t aim for that.”

“Why not? Other Walkers go into dungeons chasing that dream, don’t they?”

Is he trying to tell me to live a steady life or something?

I glared at him, questioning his reasoning.

“You lot go overboard with the whole ‘striking it rich’ thing. You flood the market with goods… It causes too much disruption. If you really need money, just sell the eggs and ‘Golden Apples’ you picked up before. Selling them all at once would be a problem, but if you sell them every few months, it should be fine. That alone should bring in plenty of profit.”

The moment the Branch Chief said that, Airi averted her gaze at supersonic speed.

Like, she whipped her head around fast.

“…Oi, don’t tell me…”

“Ah, well… There weren’t that many apples to begin with, so… yeah…”

“You ate them?”

“I mean, not us so much? But, you know… the women and kids, uh… they like sweet things, right?”

“So you did eat them?”

Damn.

There was no talking my way out of this.

“We had the orphanage make apple pies and all sorts of stuff… And, well… we kinda… ate them all.”

“…They were delicious.”

Airi and I both bowed our heads.

Yeah, they were damn good, though.

“You absolute idiots! You came here to discuss goods and money, yet you just devoured something that could have been sold for a fortune?! Are you stupid?! Are you stupid?!”

The Branch Chief exploded with rage.

But, like… we’d already eaten them.

And food is meant to be eaten—that’s just who we are.

“I-I’ll bring some next time we have extras…”

“Don’t eat them in the first place! I just told you they’re worth a fortune!”

And so, we got chewed out—hard.

………

………

“Anyway, with that settled, I’ve decided—I wanna try diving into a dungeon.”

“Woohooooi!”

“Dungeon! We’re finally going to a dungeon!”

And just like that, our plans for next week were set.

Gotta love how easy it is to read this group.

“A dungeon, huh? We should prepare ingredients based on how long we’ll be down there. Of course, we’re all going together, right? You won’t leave me behind, will you, Masters? This time, you’re bringing me, right? The kids are used to things now, so… yes?”

“As a man, I have to say… just hearing the word ‘dungeon’ gets my heart racing. It’ll mean leaving the orphanage for a bit, but I am a member of ‘Hearty Eater.’ I shall accompany you.”

With that, I got permission—well, more like confirmation—that Minami and Nakajima would be coming along.

I had a few things I wanted to question, but with this, we had five members.

It’s just a trial run, so this should be enough, but… I glanced over at someone as if to ask, What about you?

“Kitayama-san. I worked hard at the guild. I really did. You wouldn’t leave me behind… right?”

Airi was giving me a sweet smile, but her eyes were… unsettlingly dim.

Alright, that makes six.

Seriously, what’s with the girls in our clan?

They’re way too eager for adventure. Their thirst for exploration is off the charts.

“Uh, so… Annabelle, Shiro—what about you two?”

“…Mm. I’ll go.”

“I shall accompany you. I believe I have the best understanding of magical traps and the like.”

Alright, eight members confirmed.

Leaving the orphanage without its main combatants did make me a bit uneasy, but… well, here we go.

“Go on, you lot. While you’re gone, we’ll guard the place—even if we have to slack off at the shop to do it.”

“Uh, no, don’t slack off at the shop. But thanks, really.”

And so, while we’re away, the dwarf crew will be keeping watch.

I don’t really know how strong they are in combat, but considering they once chased Walkers around with hammers, they should be able to handle most situations.

And then—

“Please take care, Kitayama-sama. May the gods bless you all. We will be waiting for your safe return.”

Kua said this as she leaned in close.

…No, that’s not the kind of farewell I was hoping for.

Also, weren’t you the one who usually avoided doing this kind of thing in public?

What the hell changed?

“Kou-chan, meet me on the rooftop.”

“Kita-kun, behind the gym.”

See? This is what happens.

Now I’ve got two people ready to throw hands, and I’d have to split myself in two just to fight both.

And to make matters worse—

“Master… I thought you were into breasts?”

“Kita, are you the type who gets excited by certain situations?”

Even the black-and-white little ones were looking at me with misplaced judgment.

No, no, no. That’s not it.

I’m completely normal. I like the classic hourglass figure…

“Kitayama-san… Heh.”

“All three of us proposed to you, and yet—hmm. I wonder what place I rank?”

Stop!

Why are you looking at me like that?!

I was finally relieved that the party had balanced out to four men and four women, which meant we could camp without any awkwardness… and now this?!

What the hell is Kua thinking—

“Kitayama, a man’s worth is measured by how well he juggles his affairs.”

With a snap, Thoor winked at me like a damn fool.

…Oh, I’m screwed.

“…Kitayama-san. As the orphanage director, I’m starting to question whether you’re really fit to be around the children.”

“Even you, Nakajima!? This is a misunderstanding! I haven’t laid a hand on anyone!”

Regardless, our dungeon party was set.

The original four—East, West, South, and North—along with Airi and Annabelle.

Plus, the black-and-white duo from another world.

A solid team.

And yet—

“Kou-chan, making excuses doesn’t suit you. So? What exactly did you do with the Sister?”

“Tell us everything—don’t worry, we won’t get mad. What kind of fun did you have with the nun?”

Pinned down by my most trusted allies, I was dragged out of the meeting room.

How did things even end up like this?

“I’M INNOCENTTTTTT!”

My cries echoed through the air, unanswered.

And the next morning, I woke up buried neck-deep in the ground.