The three idiots who couldn't become heroes are preparing a man's meal today as well. - Chapter 51

Episode 51: Dungeon

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“Ugh, damn it… that was hell.”

I cracked my neck as I swayed in the shared carriage.

Spending an entire night standing upright, unable to move a muscle, was way more brutal than I expected.

The only silver lining was that the soil was slightly warm, so at least I didn’t catch a cold.

“Heh, divine punishment finally caught up with the lucky bastard drowning in his popularity streak.”

“Can’t be helped. Seducing a nun? Even the gods would be pissed.”

“What I got wasn’t divine punishment—it was just straight-up abuse.”

I shot a glare at Nishida and Azuma as they spewed their nonsense, then leaned heavily against the carriage wall.

Man, I was exhausted… There was no way I could get any decent sleep in that situation.

“That being said, Kua-san’s actions did seem… uncharacteristic.”

“Oh, I get it. She probably figured that if she could snag the Hearty Eater leader, she wouldn’t have to go back to a life of poverty at that rundown church. Desperate times, you know?”

Hearing Minami and Airi chat about it, my sleep-deprived brain sluggishly thought, Oh yeah, that makes sense.

Maybe Kua was trying to secure a place for herself so she wouldn’t get thrown out.

In this world, adulthood starts at 15, meaning the kids at the orphanage would leave in just a few years.

Not that I had any intention of kicking them out, though…

“Well, we’ll just have to take our time and earn their trust. For that, we need to keep the business stable.”

“Kita, she didn’t fall for you out of love. Lmao.” (yes, she said that)

Lmao, my ass.

Nakajima was trying to have a serious conversation, but as usual, Shiro was just doing her thing.

Ah, damn it. I’m too sleepy.

The carriage was bumpy, but even that wasn’t enough to stop my eyelids from drooping.

Crap, if I doze off in a public carriage, I’ll be an easy target for pickpockets…

“Kitayama-san. Everyone’s here, so it’s fine. Go ahead.”

Annabelle’s voice reached me just before I felt my body being gently pulled down.

Wait, lying down takes up too much spa—

That was my last coherent thought before I completely passed out.

……..

The dungeon.

A place where countless Walkers gathered.

Most people didn’t like staying too long, so they usually only delved a few layers deep for a day or two.

Because of that, the turnover rate was incredibly fast.

And naturally, the dungeon entrance was also bustling with merchants—

Among them, however, was a single, bizarre party.

“I’M INNOCENTTTTT!”

“Nah, this time you’re completely guilty.”

“Kita-kun, how was your comfy carriage ride with a lap pillow? Oh, that’s good? Great. Now, let’s hang you upside down.”

“Wha—!? No, no, that’s gonna interfere with work, so sto—GYAHHHH!”

A group clad in jet-black armor tied up one of their own and hung him from a tree.

Did the guy do something that bad?

Something about a lap pillow…?

“Master, I must say, such behavior should be avoided in public.”

“Come on, Leader, you can’t be the one causing moral decay here~.”

From the looks of it, they had strung up their own party leader.

No way. No normal party would do that.

Either the guy had zero authority, or they were insanely close.

Either way… that was just cruel.

“Human caterpillar. Lol.”

“SHIRO, YOU LITTLE—! Nakajima! Where’s Nakajima!? Annabelle works too! Somebody, help meeee!”

“They went shopping. Market research, you know.”

“YOU’VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!”

The poor, overly loud leader wiggled and squirmed in his bindings but eventually went limp.

His head was probably getting light from all that blood pooling.

As onlookers, we all shared the same thought: Shouldn’t they let him down soon?

“Uhh… shouldn’t we cut him loose? Even Kitayama-san’s gonna struggle to do his job like that.”

After a while, the rest of their party finally returned.

A man in black leather armor and a tailcoat, along with a woman with an absurdly good figure, rejoined them.

Grudgingly, they cut the leader down.

“Um… are you okay? Do you want to lie down for a bit?”

The very mage-like woman plopped down next to him and lightly patted her lap.

Ah.

So that was why they strung him up.

The surrounding Walkers, having put two and two together, gave knowing nods.

Yeah. That was absolutely unforgivable.

If I saw that happening in my own party, I’d have tied the guy up, too.

“Anna-san, please stop. If you do that, Master’s just going to get hung up again.”

“Oh—uh, s-sorry?”

With that final exchange, the leader flopped onto the ground, exhausted.

Looks like they’re taking a break.

…Seriously, what did they even come to the dungeon for?

“Bleeergh… I feel awful…”

As everyone directed exasperated gazes his way, the only one still hanging was the leader, who continued to let out pathetic groans.

…………

After a short break, we finally stepped into the dungeon.

It looked like an ordinary cave—though it was surprisingly spacious.

“This is our first dungeon!”

“That said, if we explore for a bit, it’ll probably be mealtime before we know it.”

“If you guys hadn’t messed around like that, we could’ve gone in much earlier…”

While the two energetic ones were in high spirits, I walked beside them, my face looking completely drained.

The rest of the group following behind also seemed somewhat excited.

Well, that couldn’t be helped.

Aside from Airi and Annabelle, this was everyone’s first dungeon.

“But still, this place really looks like a textbook dungeon… though there are more people than I expected. Feels like a tourist spot.”

“In a way, you’re not wrong. The shallow layers are always crowded with people. Ah, and when you see someone fighting, don’t intervene unless they ask for help, okay? Especially you, Kitayama-san—don’t just throw your spear the moment you spot something, alright?”

“Also, sometimes people will try to push a swarm of monsters onto you, so be careful about that too. Don’t assume fellow Walkers are your allies. The only ones you can trust are your party members—never forget that.”

That was the warning we got from our two experienced members.

So there really were rules like that, huh?

Looks like we won’t see any serious combat until we go deeper in.

“I’ve heard that games have similar rules. Kitayama-san and the others probably know more about that stuff. Shiro-san, are you familiar with it too?”

“Mm. Kill-stealing, train, PK. Do it, and people will glare at you.”

“I understand kill-stealing, but what’s ‘train’? And ‘PK’? Those are new to me. Are those ‘another world’ terms?”

Everyone remained relaxed.

And Shiro, PK here isn’t just frowned upon—it’s seriously bad, alright?

Absolutely do not do it.

After progressing for several minutes, we encountered multiple branching paths, but thanks to Nakajima and Annabelle buying a map, we reached the deeper layers without getting lost.

And so—

“Oh, a staircase leading down.”

Up until now, the place had felt like a natural cave, but suddenly, we were faced with a completely artificial structure.

Makes you wonder who built it.

But, well, this is a dungeon.

It probably formed itself to make it easier for intruders to descend.

Apparently, dungeons are said to be living entities.

They spawn monsters and magical beasts.

They consume the corpses of humans, magical beasts, and monsters alike.

And using that as nourishment, they grow deeper, expand wider, and produce even stronger creatures.

To efficiently lure in prey, they provide bait for the prey itself—

The so-called treasures that Walkers seek.

Things like magic bags, valuable resources, rare weapons…

Or more straightforwardly, gold and silver treasures.

In short, once a dungeon takes in weapons or tools, it somehow alters them and scatters them throughout its layers.

At this point, I’ve given up questioning it, but let me say this once again—

You refuse to eat magical beast meat, yet you’re perfectly fine using all this incomprehensible stuff from the dungeon?

This world seriously just has a selective aversion to food.

“There are ‘safe zones’ between floors where no monsters spawn, so let’s have our meal there today.”

“There will be other Walkers resting too, so let’s pick a less conspicuous spot. We already stand out because we have a lot of women, and on top of that, we’re even cooking.”

The two experienced ones said this casually, but…

“Dungeons are seriously well-designed, huh? No wonder Walkers keep diving in.”

“You won’t be saying that for long, though.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ll understand soon enough.”

Annabelle left us with those ominous words and followed the rest of the group.

It didn’t sound like she was talking about monsters getting stronger the deeper we went…

Then what could it be?

Maybe the resting area is packed with people?

That… yeah, that would be mentally exhausting.

“Master?”

“Ah, I’m coming.”

Well, we’ll figure it out once we get there.

With that in mind, we continued descending the stairs.

Today’s menu: hamburger steak set meal.

Using the oversized mincer made by Tarl, who’s in charge of kitchen tools and food preparation equipment, we tossed in large chunks of meat.

And by turning the handle…

“Ohh… As expected of a Dwarf-made kitchen tool.”

The handle wasn’t heavy at all, so even Minami and Shiro could turn it with ease.

What came out was ground meat, just like what I often saw “over there.”

Nice, nice, this really expands our cooking options.

While I was occupied with that, Nishida was making miso soup, Minami was sautéing onions, Airi was chopping up other vegetables, and Azuma was keeping a close eye on the oil pan.

We had decided to make fried potatoes and onion rings to make the meal look fancier.

“Alright, Minami. That should be enough, throw those onions into the meat over here.”

“Yes, Master.”

Minami dumped the sautéed onions—now a beautiful golden brown—into the mound of ground meat.

After mixing it a bit, I created a hole in the center and poured in a generous amount of breadcrumbs.

Then, I added milk to soak the breadcrumbs.

The measurements were totally random.

Less liquid for a firmer texture, more for a softer hamburger steak—just going with that general feeling.

Personally, if I’m in the mood for a hearty meat dish, I go for the firm texture. If I want something that pairs well with rice, I go for the softer version.

The beauty of hamburger steak is that no matter how sloppily you make it, it still turns out fine.

Honestly, you could just grill the ground meat as is, and it’d still be edible.

Meat is justice.

Once the breadcrumbs had soaked up the milk, I mixed everything together.

Then, I cracked in some ostrich eggs.

The eggs were huge, but given the amount of meat, adding two or three should be fine.

After mixing those in, I added salt and pepper and stirred again.

“I’m thinking of making it slightly Japanese-style, but does anyone prefer the Western-style version?”

“Since we’re having rice as the main dish, I’m fine with the Japanese style.”

“Me too.”

“Um, I don’t know the difference, but I’ll leave it to you. Everything you make is delicious, Master.”

“Same here, I’ll leave it to you.”

The old members had no complaints.

I glanced at the three new members, and I saw Annabelle washing the used cooking utensils while using magic to produce water.

“I also don’t know the difference between ‘Japanese-style’ and ‘Western-style,’ so I’ll leave it to you.”

“Grated daikon hamburger steak sounds nice.”

“Kita, lots of topping options.”

Everyone seemed fine with a Japanese-style version.

Not that I could make anything truly authentic.

It was more of a ‘style’ or ‘imitation’ than anything else.

“Alright, alright.”

I gave a casual response and then added a small amount of soy sauce, mirin, and sake—the three sacred seasonings.

Then, I poured in a broth that seemed closest to mentsuyu. (Soup base for noodles)

Might as well just call it mentsuyu. Done.

Too much soy sauce, and it’d turn into a full-on soy sauce-flavored hamburger steak, so I had to be careful.

With all the liquid added, the meat became looser in texture.

I mixed it well and shaped it lightly.

You know that thing where you toss the meat between your hands to remove air pockets?

That’s supposed to make a difference, but when the mixture is this soft, I don’t really notice any effect.

For firmer mixtures, it does seem to make a difference, though.

So, after a quick toss between my hands, I laid the patties onto the frying pan.

A satisfying sizzle filled the air, sending up steam and smoke.

And, of course, I felt the weight of countless stares.

People were gnawing on dried meat while watching us with shining eyes… but I ignored them.

“Annabelle, can I get some ice? About this size.”

“Understood. Um… like this? How many?”

Annabelle handed me some dice-sized ice cubes, and I gently pressed them into the hamburger steaks.

Normally, you’d add water when steaming, but I heard using ice makes it taste better.

I think I read that in a manga somewhere.

Since then, I’ve always made it this way.

After that, I covered the pan with a lid to let it steam.

Once the ice had completely melted and meat juices started seeping from the bottom, I flipped the patties over and covered them again.

After waiting a while, once the color had changed and juices started seeping again, I stabbed one with a skewer.

If meat juices seeped from the hole, that meant it was done.

Apparently, depending on the meat’s softness, the juices might have already seeped out, meaning nothing would come out when stabbed.

In that case, you just flip it again and check the browning.

And with that, it was complete.

All that was left was to ask about toppings and let everyone customize their own.

“Alright, it’s ready! What do you all want on top?”

And so, under the weight of intense gazes, our manly meal was finished.

I silently apologized to the other adventurers in my heart as we started eating.

Dungeon Day 1: No loot.

Tonight’s meal: custom-topped hamburger steak and assorted fried food.

Also, we made some enemies at the rest area.

Tomorrow, we’ll go deeper into the dungeon.

There should be fewer people the further we go.

Thinking about that, I took a big bite of my hamburger steak.

Once we started eating, everyone focused on their meal, enjoying the long-awaited ground meat dish, ignoring the envious stares.

Yeah, hamburger steak is easy and convenient.

In the end, everyone wanted to try different toppings, so we ended up making several more batches.