The three idiots who couldn't become heroes are preparing a man's meal today as well. - Chapter 55

Episode 55: Time-Consuming but Delicious

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“Al, Iris. It’s here. Get ready.”

“Yes!”

At my call, both of them readied their staves and began chanting.

Approaching from ahead was a Shadow Wolf.

The other beasts in the vicinity were being held back by the members of Hearty Eater, so for now, we were only dealing with one.

“Hurry up, or it’ll take a bite out of you.”

“D-Don’t rush me! ‘Earth Wall’!”

“I’m done too! ‘Bind’!”

Iris and Al completed their chants, raising a wall of earth in the wolf’s path. As it dodged, vines shot out to ensnare its hind legs.

Magic sure is convenient.

I’d love for us to be able to use it too, but… nah, thinking about it just makes me sad. Better not dwell on it.

“Tia, Fi. You’re up.”

“Yes!”

With an eager response, the two girls dashed forward.

Al was a mage, Tia wielded a longsword, and Fi used a rapier.

They had introduced themselves with full noble titles and whatnot, but I forgot. Too many long names, too many fancy words.

So, I had them give me easy-to-remember nicknames, and now I just go with those.

“Tia! Don’t try to finish it in one strike! Aim for the legs! We don’t know how long the magic will hold it!”

“Y-Yes!”

“Fi! Don’t waste the openings Tia makes! Don’t just stab carelessly! Your weapon is a rapier—focus and aim for weak points!”

“U-Understood!”

They’re still rough.

Not that I have any right to talk, having lived an easygoing life in Japan until recently, but still.

It’s understandable, though.

They’re young, and facing a magical beast up close is naturally terrifying.

Their bodies hesitate on instinct.

“This isn’t working. You two fall back! Iris, Al, prepare the next spell and finish it with magic!”

“Yes!”

As I gave the order and they began chanting again, the vines finally snapped.

The wolf was free once more.

I might have to step in.

Just as that thought crossed my mind—

“Face me! ‘Hate Control’!”

Al’s staff shone with a powerful light, and the wolf, as if drawn by it, immediately dashed toward her.

Man, that kind of ability would make things so much easier.

“I’ll finish it! ‘Earth Needle’!”

The moment the wolf leaped, Iris unleashed her magic.

A massive earthen spike jutted up where the wolf was set to land.

Not an attack spell that directly impaled it—just a trap, set in place.

But with no way to change direction mid-air, the wolf’s own speed turned the obstacle into a lethal hazard.

Unable to evade, it impaled itself, letting out a pitiful whimper before collapsing, lifeless.

“Good work. That was well done.”

I placed my hand on their heads.

“That was just the first one!”

“W-We actually defeated a Shadow Wolf on our own…”

Iris and Al reacted in stark contrast.

As for the other two, who had just returned—

“S-Sorry…”

“We were useless…”

Both wore dejected expressions.

Ah, so it’s that, huh?

That old belief where the one who lands the final blow gets all the credit?

There was that whole ‘support mages are useless’ nonsense earlier, too.

“What are you talking about? You two wounded it, making its movements predictable and slowing it down. Without melee fighters, Al would have had to keep focusing on binding magic. That means this was a team victory. Hold your heads high.”

Laughing, I ruffled their hair as well.

Now that I think about it, I seem to have a habit of patting kids on the head.

Wait.

They’re nobles.

Crap. Was that bad?

“Y-Yes! We’ll do better next time!”

“U-Um! Could you teach me some tips on thrusting? You use a spear, right?”

…Guess it wasn’t a problem.

Both blushed but responded enthusiastically.

They’re probably high school age—having their heads patted must’ve been embarrassing.

I should be more mindful in the future.

As I pondered that, the rest of the Hearty Eater members returned.

“Kou-chan’s off playing with the young ones while we were out working hard… And here I even brought back a souvenir.”

“Haha, looks like Kita-kun doesn’t need today’s catch. Should we just eat it ourselves?”

“Master… I cannot condone flirting with too many women.”

…They say whatever they want.

Oi, how does this look like anything but supervising kids?

And Minami, stop making misleading statements.

I don’t recall hitting on anyone.

“Enough nonsense. How was the perimeter?”

“We’ve got a problem.”

“Huh?”

With an unusually serious expression, Nishida pulled something out.

It was—

“Ngh!? Oi… don’t tell me we’re meeting it here!?”

“Aah… I thought this was just a lukewarm forest, but this is amazing. Iris-jou, can you get permission? Once we’re done with work, why don’t we come back? This place is still part of the school’s grounds, right?”

“The amount of wild plants here is incredible, but more than that, the variety is insane. There are also a ton of Daikonmaru… Kita-kun, this place is a treasure trove.”

By the way, all the monster materials and magic stones we collect this time are supposed to be submitted to the school.

So, no souvenirs allowed.

However, they only specifically mentioned “monsters.”

As long as we hand in the hides, claws, and magic stones, it should be fine.

Which means… we can gather as many edible parts and wild plants as we want.

We might get scolded, but if we toss it into a magic bag, no one will find out.

“Um, I’ve seen this before, but… is it really tasty? It looks really tough.”

Minami voiced her doubt, and all of us turned to look at her in perfect sync.

With a whoosh! sound effect, no less.

“Minami, this thing, you see? It takes effort, and there’s not much you can eat, but it’s got a really nice crunch and is super tasty.”

“You can grill it, boil it, and if you mix it into rice, oh boy…”

“It was even served as an appetizer at that izakaya we used to go to, remember? What was it again…? Ah, right. That simmered dish with chicken. That was so good…”

As I recalled that nostalgic appetizer, I couldn’t help but drool a little.

“Simmered with chicken… Let’s make it. Let’s eat it. If we need more, I’ll go find some—I’ve memorized the scent now.”

Minami, who loves chicken, was now fully motivated.

So, what exactly had we gotten our hands on?

It was bamboo shoots.

They require a lot of prep work, but damn, they’re delicious.

Back in my student days, my grandma taught me how to process them, and after that, I got completely hooked.

They’re the kind of food you randomly crave sometimes—TAKENOKO. (literally translated as Bamboo shoot)

“Alright! Let’s start prepping! Move to the water source!”

“Ah, Master! I can use magic well enough to produce water now, so we can do it right here!”

“Nice one, Minami! Let’s get this done quickly!”

And so, our sudden bamboo shoot prep session began.

This stuff takes a ridiculous amount of effort.

Once you harvest them, you have to process them immediately, or the bitterness keeps increasing.

First, you peel a little of the outer layer, then boil them with the husk on.

That alone takes time, and even after that, there’s more processing to do.

Looks like Azuma is going to have to carry the stove around for a while.

“U-Um, everyone…?”

A group of confused girls nervously approached us.

“Look forward to dinner!”

“Y-Yes!”

That was all I said before silencing them for now.

The sun was still high in the sky.

By dinnertime, we should have something edible ready.

Fufufu… I can’t wait.

Though we can’t exactly serve them monster meat, so bamboo shoot rice it is.

And simmered dishes.

Minami is definitely going to demand monster chicken, but I’ll make a separate dish with normal meat for the noble girls.

Ahh, things just got busier.

Tonight is going to be a TAKENOKO party.

“Oh, also, here’s what we found around the area. Nothing major, just small fries.”

“I was hoping for at least a boar or something. Oh, but there were quite a few pigs.”

“There were some wolves roaming around, but we left them for training purposes. We did hunt quite a few birds, though. And, of course, we got eggs.”

They handed over their magic bags.

I accepted them absentmindedly, but suddenly felt an intense gaze from behind.

…Ah.

Right.

They just barely managed to take down a wolf.

It must feel bad seeing us casually bring back more.

Well, no rush. They’ll grow in time.

I sent them a warm, understanding look.

“””Starting tomorrow, please let us fight multiple enemies at once!”””

…Well, at least these noble ladies are motivated.

…………..

…………..

“Iris doesn’t seem to be back yet. Could it be that they’re planning to camp in the forest?”

Muttering to herself, Elise returned to the tent.

Elise Voile.

One of my party members for this outdoor training session, and also my fiancée.

With her golden hair and eyes gleaming, she naturally sat down beside me.

“If they do something like that, they’ll have to stay on high alert for magical beasts all night. Honestly, even though she’s of high status, she really is a wild child.”

We were in the group campsite set up by the school.

Compared to our usual living conditions, it was practically awful, but at least there were beds and meals provided.

There was no way we could be expected to survive on preserved food alone for several days.

I tried eating it at lunch, but it was barely edible.

That stuff was pig feed.

Even though my family had prepared some of the highest-quality preserved food available, it was still far from what a noble should be eating.

“Having someone with scouting abilities really makes a difference. Today alone, we’ve already taken down two Shadow Wolves.”

“Ah, and apparently, they spotted an even larger magical beast. Tomorrow, we’ll achieve even better results. This is truly an easy class. And to think our evaluations will improve because of it.”

“Hngh. Aul, not here… This place is just too…”

As I slipped my hand into the gap of her clothing, she let out a soft, sweet voice.

Though she was rejecting me with words, her expression clearly showed she was anticipating “what comes next.”

“Aul Crisis. I must uphold the dignity of my name and properly prepare for tomorrow’s success.”

“Oh, my… If that’s the case, I suppose I have no choice. Go ahead, Aul. Take as much of me as you wish.”

My beautiful fiancée spoke such provocative words as she began slipping off her clothes.

Given how miserable this environment was, I at least needed to relieve some of my other desires.

Just as that thought crossed my mind—

“Aul Bocchama, pardon my intrusion…! Ah, my apologies. Am I interrupting?”

A sudden interruption.

The one peeking into the tent was the knight commander I had personally hired.

I had gone through quite a bit of trouble—and spent a lot of money—to secure his services as a bodyguard.

And yet, he couldn’t even read the atmosphere? How utterly useless.

“…What is it? This must be an important report, right?”

My mood had completely soured.

Elise also seemed displeased, pulling the sheets up to her chest and glaring coldly at the intruder.

“Sir! I have received a report that Iris-jou has still not returned.”

“I’m aware of that. Did you really come here just to tell me that?”

“My apologies. Additionally, about those ‘Hearty Eater’ from earlier… There might be a problem.”

“Hah? And what are a bunch of black-armored nobodies supposed to do?”

“The Walkers that ‘that’ Iris hired, huh?”

Even just that fact alone meant they weren’t ordinary.

But still, at the end of the day, they were just Walkers, right?

And ones who wore that kind of armor, no less.

Even if they had some skill, I couldn’t see them as a real threat.

“There is a possibility that these ‘Hearty Eater’ are individuals specialized for this exact situation…”

“What?”

“They may be people with expertise in long-term camping and magical beast hunting. If that’s the case, we may fall behind in results if we don’t pick up the pace.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. They’re Walkers.”

For soldiers or knights, a few days of camping was a given.

But Walkers? They were just day laborers who despised that kind of work.

And you’re telling me we’d lose to them?

I paid a hefty sum to hire knights, and yet?

Unbelievable.

“Tch! Starting tomorrow, we’re doubling the pace of our magical beast hunts! Go for the big ones—understood?!”

“Sir, yes sir!”

With that command, the knight hurriedly left the tent.

What was this? What the hell was this?

“Aul?”

Elise gazed at me with a worried expression.

I forcibly pushed her down onto the bed.

Damn it. This was irritating.

There was no way I’d be able to sleep like this.

“We have to get to bed early tonight. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.”

“Yes… So let’s finish up quickly and prepare for tomorrow.”

That night, the camp was filled with muffled, indistinct moans.

Needless to say, everyone fell asleep with their self-control thoroughly worn away.