The three idiots who couldn't become heroes are preparing a man's meal today as well. - Chapter 61

Episode 61: Fried Cartilage and Assorted Yakitori

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“Master, they’re still nearby.”

“I know. Don’t look.”

Right now, it’s just me, Minami, and Kua at the campsite.

The others have gone to gather ingredients and scout out the forest.

The reason we’re staying behind is simple—Kua isn’t used to combat or even mountain terrain, so I didn’t want to drag her along.

That’s the reason I loudly declared last night.

If that were all, Kua would’ve either sulked or insisted on coming along anyway.

But in reality, there was another reason.

“I can’t sense them, but are they staying still?”

“Yes, they’re at our eight o’clock. Don’t look at them or call out. We still don’t know their intentions.”

Apparently, we’ve had a visitor since last night.

That said, the presence we’re feeling isn’t hostile, just wary.

From the corner of my eye, I can tell they’re hiding in a space only a child could fit into.

Could it be an animal? No, it’s just sitting there, watching us.

Minami, with her keen hearing, picked up faint human breathing.

It could be a scout like Poal from “Wind of War” group, but if so, they’re terrible at hiding.

So, I decided to lure them out.

I declared that we had members inexperienced in combat.

I left a small-sized member behind to make us seem less threatening.

Then I had the rest of the team leave, except for me.

If they were planning an ambush, this would be the perfect time.

But… nothing yet.

Maybe I need to leave too?

Still, I’d rather not—just in case something happens.

As I was thinking that, I glanced up at a distant tree, where a brief blue flash flickered.

“Shiro says to stay put.”

“It’d be easier to just seize them, but we don’t even know who they are yet. If ‘that’ turns out to be someone’s charge, we don’t want to provoke unnecessary hostility.”

With a sigh, Minami flicked her ears, still on high alert.

Meanwhile, Shiro continued monitoring from the trees.

She’s got a new piece of gear this time.

I had Thoor and the others make a few custom pieces of equipment, and hers was the first to be completed.

In this world, unlike “the other side,” advanced optics like proper glasses don’t exist.

But thanks to magic, we have thin glass with enchantments, making pseudo-glasses possible.

So, I asked the dwarves to create shooting goggles—

Durable, impact-resistant, like sunglasses.

Then Annabelle enchanted them with a zoom function.

We also added a sighting device to her bow, allowing her to see exactly where she’s aiming.

Basically, we made a scope and laser sight.

To top it off, we added a signaling light—

It can shine in various colors, with adjustable brightness and duration for silent communication.

While lights exist here, they rely on magic stones and are too inefficient for practical use.

But a simple signaling light was relatively easy to make.

Now, Shiro’s like a walking showcase of cutting-edge technology.

And our party’s wallet is significantly lighter.

“Since last night, huh? Maybe it’s just a hungry kid lured by the smell?”

“Out here in the middle of the forest?”

“Kitayama-sama, that actually happens quite often in this world.

Children illegally enslaved who managed to escape, or survivors of a carriage attack fleeing into the forest.

Most of them… end up eaten by magic beasts.”

Kua averted her gaze, frowning.

For all her usual quirks, she’s soft when it comes to children.

The moment she realized it was a small humanoid hiding, she started acting like this.

“Alright, let’s test your theory.”

“Master?”

We’re getting nowhere like this.

Might as well see what happens if we bait them out.

“Minami, want some fried chicken?”

“I do!”

If nothing else, we can observe their reaction while eating.

I’ll have Shiro monitor for any changes.

――――

“”We’re back!””

“”We’ve returned.””

“Huh? Where’s Nishida?”

Azuma, Airi, Nakajima, and Annabelle had returned.

I assumed they were all together, but Nishida was missing.

I gave him the brown magic bag, yet the others came back empty-handed.

So Nishida must have it…

Wait, is he just out there enjoying the forest by himself?

Unforgivable.

“He said he’d gather wild plants and herbs before coming back, so we left him the bag.”

“Yeah, figured as much.”

“Ah! Kitayama-san, are we having fried chicken today!?”

“Fried chicken is the best! Though the Tatsutage with grated daikon was great too!” (bite size chiken with light batter and variation of coating sauce)

As the group gathered around, one of them froze.

They must’ve noticed the small figure among the plates of fried chicken.

“Kitayama-san… is that…?”

“Kept you waiting, huh, Nakajima?

I made fried chicken cartilage and cartilage skewers.

They’ve still got some meat on them. That’s okay with you?”

“That’s my favorite kind.”

Tonight’s menu featured fried chicken cartilage and assorted yakitori.

I left the yakitori grilling to Kua, who quickly got the hang of it after one lesson.

Negima, thigh meat, bonjiri, cartilage—

Half with salt, half with tare sauce.

And, of course, since Minami loves fried chicken, I also made fried cartilage.

Both the triangular “yagen” cartilage and knee cartilage—

Yagen is divisive—some prefer it with meat, some without.

Personally, I like mine with meat, and thankfully, Nakajima does too.

It’s great fried, but knee cartilage is wrapped in meat, making it look like a tiny fried chicken nugget.

A staple at izakayas.

The rich flavor of chicken, the crunch of cartilage—

Once you fall for it, you’re hooked for life.

“It’ll be ready soon, so you guys go wash your hands… Hm?”

At the edge of my vision, a different colored light was flickering.

That signal meant, “Can I come back?” and “I’m hungry.”

None of us actually knew Morse code, so we just made up meanings for the signals.

As a result, we ended up with way too many of them.

I held up a few fingers and waved them sideways.

That was my way of saying, “Wait a little longer,” but the response I got back was—

“Idiot, I hate you.”

Along with that, I could feel a prickling hostility on my skin.

That guy… he’s definitely got his bow drawn at me right now.

Seriously, stop it.

“Alrighty! Since almost everyone’s back, let’s offer something to the Forest God!”

“Y-yes! After all, it’s thanks to the Forest God that we have food today!”

I exaggerated my tone as I called out loudly, and Minami followed along, matching my energy.

We were both terrible actors.

Around us, I could feel people looking at us like, “What the hell are these guys saying?” but… please, just go with it.

Or better yet, pretend you didn’t hear anything.

“O Forest God, we, who are weak, offer our heartfelt gratitude for the sustenance you have bestowed upon us.”

As we did our ridiculous act, Kua naturally weaved her words together, placing a plate piled high with karaage and another with rice balls at a spot just out of sight from our tent. She then clasped her hands in prayer.

We’re saved… If she weren’t here, this really would have been a third-rate performance.

“Kua, you forgot something.”

“Oh my, how careless of me. Thank you, Kitayama-sama.”

I placed a water-filled canteen, a towel, and a bucket of warm water next to the plates she had set down.

Even if someone called it blatant, I didn’t care.

With a wary opponent, the best thing we could do was make them think, “If I follow these guys, I’ll survive.”

It was like feeding a stray cat in the hopes of taking it home.

By this point, the others seemed to have caught on, nodding in agreement.

“Haha, I was wondering what was going on, but… yeah, you’re right. Forest God~ we thank you~”

“Seriously, our leader is just… O Forest God, we once again give thanks for the food you have granted us.”

“I can’t think of any words for a prayer, but… um, let’s see. How about—‘We would be honored if you could dine with us’?”

“Perhaps—‘Please, enjoy this meal.’ That seems fitting. Fufu.”

It looked like everyone was willing to play along.

Each of them imitated Kua, assuming a prayer posture as they directed their voices toward the lingering presence.

Hopefully, this would be enough to get some movement…

Just as I was thinking that, Shiro signaled.

The target was on the move.

That was fast.

If we just left it like this, they’d probably take the food.

That’s what I thought—until…

“Yo! What’s everyone doing? More importantly, check this out! A new Daikonmaru! This one’s pink! And it looks like it’s growing fruit!”

Of course, there had to be someone who couldn’t read the mood.

The faint presence that had just started to show itself immediately disappeared back into hiding.

“Nishida… you…”

“Hm? What’s up? Anyway, look! Pink Daikonmaru is bearing fruit! It’s growing strawberries!”

The Daikonmaru he held out was squirming around, dangling some impressive-looking strawberries from its body.

They looked delicious.

“Fu… fuhaha! You guys! This is the blessing of the Forest God! The moment we made an offering, we got a harvest! From now on, we’re offering something at every meal, so be ready for it, you bastards!”

“Kou-chan… what’s wrong?”

“Shut up! You too! Show gratitude to the Forest God and set Daikonmaru freeee!”

“O-okay?”

And with that, everyone except Shiro had returned.

Ah, whatever, let’s eat.

So, as I sent a hand signal to call Shiro back—

An arrow flew past me.

I’d like to believe that was just my imagination.

A moment later, Shiro’s signal came in—”Too slow.”

Yeah… let’s just say that was my imagination.

……….

………

When they were all fast asleep, I began to move.

There were no lookouts.

Everyone had retreated into their tents, and not a sound could be heard.

Now was my chance.

Thinking that, I rushed toward the food they had offered to the so-called “Forest God.”

It had probably gone cold by now.

But to me, at this moment, it was a feast.

As I approached—

“!?”

The instant I stepped forward, a magic circle briefly lit up before disappearing.

At first, I thought it was some kind of trap meant to capture me.

But as of now, no spell seems to have activated.

And that magic circle just now… was it “Heat Preservation”?

“It should be… fine, right?”

Cautiously, I took another step forward, reaching out a finger to touch the plate.

I poked at it, but there were no signs of a trap.

In fact, I couldn’t sense any traces of magic around me.

It seemed the magic circle had been set to deactivate once someone entered.

For what purpose?

As that thought crossed my mind, my stomach growled loudly.

I needed to shove this food into my mouth and get out of here fast.

That’s what I had thought—how foolish of me.

The moment I bit into the brown-skewered food, my entire concept of eating changed.

A satisfying crunch echoed, followed by an explosion of meaty umami spreading across my tongue.

Until now, I had only ever eaten simple meals—grilled, boiled, or otherwise plain.

But this… this was nothing short of a revolution for my taste buds.

Probably chicken.

But the depth of its flavor was leagues beyond anything I had ever eaten.

And it had been thoroughly seasoned with something.

With every chew, my mouth filled with overwhelming bliss.

“D-dehisius…”

Letting out an involuntary murmur, the first skewer was gone in an instant, and my hand reached for the second one, shaped differently.

I could tell it was meat, but… what was this?

It had a strange shape—kind of triangular.

Well, if I ate it, I’d figure it out. I bit down, and suddenly—crunch.

Has something been stuffed inside the meat!? Wait, was this… bone!?

My shock only lasted a moment.

The rich flavor spread through my mouth, and a satisfying chewiness reached my back teeth.

With each bite, a crisp, crunchy sound echoed, and when I finally swallowed, a deep sigh escaped me.

“Hoo…”

Delicious. What was this?

I had my doubts. I was wary. But my hands wouldn’t stop.

One skewer after another, I reached out and devoured them in no time.

“Now then…”

My eyes fell on the large pile of brown chunks on the plate.

The color was different on about half of them… did that mean something?

And then, there was the strange-looking thing that seemed to be rice.

I knew about rice, but I’d never eaten it before.

“Guess I’ll start with the rice.”

Muttering to myself, I cautiously reached for the triangular-shaped rice.

Something black was wrapped around it… was this edible?

I tried peeling it off, but it was stuck to the rice, refusing to come off.

So, I just took a bite.

“!?”

I was startled—there was something inside.

What was this… fish?

And that black thing—it was edible. When eaten together with the rice, it was unbelievably delicious.

“Th-then, this brown stuff too…”

I reached for one of the piled-up chunks, and the moment I grabbed it—

“Hot!”

I instinctively dropped it.

I frantically tried to catch it, but it landed on the grass.

But so what?

“Fuu! Fuu!”

I desperately blew on it to cool it down, picked it up, and immediately popped it into my mouth.

“Ah, ahff! Ahff!”

I could feel the steam rising inside my mouth.

But more than that, deliciousness spread through me.

This was meat, too. I never thought I’d be able to eat this much meat.

The crispy, roasted meat from earlier was great, but this—this crunchy texture was addictive.

And when I bit down, the sheer amount of meat juices that gushed out was on another level.

If I wasn’t careful, I might burn my entire mouth.

But as long as I took small bites, I could handle it.

“Fuu! Fuu! Haguh!”

Before I knew it, I was holding food in both hands, shoving it into my mouth desperately.

Crunchy chicken, slightly salty rice.

And the rice—the filling inside each one was different.

How could this not be exciting?

“So good… it’s so good…”

Before I knew it, tears were spilling down my face as I shoved more food into my mouth.

Rice, meat, rice.

That cycle continued, and before long, the plate was empty.

I wanted more, but I couldn’t afford to let them notice me.

“Will they… give me some tomorrow too?”

As I lifted the last water bottle to my lips, a small piece of paper slipped out from underneath.

What was this?

I picked it up absentmindedly—and froze.

“What do you want to eat tomorrow?”

That’s what was written on the paper, along with a feathered pen and ink.

A shiver ran down my spine.

I shouldn’t stay here any longer.

They had called it the “Forest God,” but that was clearly a pretense.

This was a trap to catch me, a ploy to make me lower my guard.

Because they were Walkers.

“Even so, there’s nowhere else to run, is there…? Haha…”

I muttered to myself, gripping the feather pen.

Tomorrow, I’d observe them from a little farther away.