The three idiots who couldn't become heroes are preparing a man's meal today as well. - Chapter 9

Episode 9: Thick Teriyaki Burger and the Bounty of the River

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Survival.

It lays bare every instinct.

Humans revert to beasts, and beasts fight solely to devour other beasts.

Amusing, truly amusing.

Or something like that. By now, we’ve completely gotten used to it—we’re actually enjoying being survivors.

Another world is insane. And ridiculously fun.

“Kou-chan! Two o’clock, up in the tree! A bird! Some kind of bird!”

“Whoa, that thing’s huge! Looks like it’ll be filling—go for it, Leader!”

“Leave it to meeee!”

With a sharp whoosh, I hurled my spear.

Only the blade was made of metal, while the shaft was wooden, making it pretty light.

Back when we first got here, even this would’ve felt heavy to me.

Boys, after just three days… or something like that—I couldn’t even remember the full proverb as I squinted, tracking the spear’s flight.

A screech—Bgyah!—echoed, followed by a heavy thud as the massive bird hit the ground.

The spear had gone clean through and embedded itself into the tree beyond.

“Jaaaaaackpooooooot!”

“Ah, shoot. The spear’s stuck up there… Azuma, mind grabbing my gear? I’ll go retrieve it.”

“Got it. Be careful, okay? Kita-kun, you threw that thing way too hard… does it usually go through like that?”

“…I’m not even going to comment on that.”

Everyone tossed out their remarks, but in the end, we secured breakfast without issue.

We’d planned to try the rations we bought in town, but Nishida just had to crave chicken, so we went hunting.

And what did we find? A thick, meaty blue bird.

It kinda looked like a chicken with peacock feathers.

Blue, though. Definitely blue.

Afterward, Minami handled the dismantling while I retrieved my spear.

Unfortunately, a crack had formed on the blade, rendering it useless against large magic beasts.

Not that it mattered.

Just like last time, we’d stocked up on cheap weapons, and plenty more were tucked away in the magic bag.

“Alrighty, we’ve got a ton of chicken. What should we do with it? We bought a bunch of seasonings in town—maybe teriyaki?”

“Oh! Didn’t we have some bread in our rations? Let’s make teriyaki burgers!”

“Ah, good call. The magic bag the Princess gave us keeps veggies fresh too. I’ll grab some lettuce.”

“…Princess?”

With our plan set, everyone got to work.

We decided to use just half the chicken for now, storing the rest in the magic bag and pulling out a frying pan and mixing bowl.

Honestly, we probably bought more cooking utensils and seasonings than anything else.

Back then, all we had was salt, so meals were mostly just grilled meat.

But this time? We’ve got all sorts of flavors.

Not that it’s new anymore—we’ve been using soy sauce, butter, and everything else all week.

“Azuma, slice the bread in half and toast it on the griddle. Low heat, just enough to warm it up.”

“Aye aye!”

“Is this enough firewood? Kou-chan, need a hand?”

“Thanks. I’ll be marinating the chicken, so go wash up first. Minami, you too.”

“Understood.”

And so, cooking began.

Not that we’re professionals or anything.

Just a bunch of single guys winging it.

Minami’s good at dismantling, but she’s never really cooked, so I’m teaching her bit by bit.

Most of what we make is typical “guy food”—hearty, filling, and that’s about it.

We’ve tried soups too, but compared to what you’d find in a restaurant? Not even close.

But that’s fine.

Trying new things, cooking for ourselves—that’s half the fun.

Since coming to this world, that’s been our experience.

At the end of the day, we’re basically adventuring just to eat.

“Alright then, time to get started.”

“Counting on you, Leader!”

“Would you stop calling me that?”

I grumbled, slicing the chicken on the cutting board to an even thickness.

I’d heard somewhere that uneven thickness messes with the flavor when making teriyaki.

Not sure how true that is, but with a bird this big, cutting it into bite-sized pieces isn’t a hassle.

It’s practically steak-sized, but that’s the beauty of it.

Feeling like we’re truly surviving out here—that’s part of the camping charm.

Next up, potato starch.

Surprisingly, this world has a ton of seasonings.

Maybe because of past hero summonings or local developments, but whatever the reason, the variety is impressive.

Pretty much every seasoning we could think of was available.

Some names were different, but they even had mayonnaise.

Anyway, enough of that.

I dusted the chicken with potato starch, then added salt and pepper, giving it a light rub.

Skipping salt and pepper can leave a gamey smell, depending on the meat.

That’s why we usually use them to mask odors.

If that’s not enough, we bring out the green herbs.

Those things are lifesavers—great for deodorizing not just armor and gear, but food too.

As for taste, if you sprinkle them directly and take a bite, they’ve got a faint, tea-like flavor.

Mixed into dishes, they leave just a hint of herbal aroma without overpowering anything.

Truly versatile.

With these around, even a zombie bite wouldn’t be a problem.

 

“You really are skilled, Kita-kun. You were always good at cooking, after all.”

“Stop it, that’s embarrassing. I can only make simple guy food.”

“You don’t have to be so shy about it.”

As I was lost in thought, Azuma, who was warming up the rationed bread, casually muttered something like that.

Not that it mattered, but I wondered—was that bread even any good?

The last time we had rations, it was just some hardtack-like biscuits, so at least it was edible.

This time, we bought some rather tough-looking bread in town.

Maybe it would need some extra preparation to be enjoyable… but we’d figure that out after tasting it.

“Alright, time to start grilling!”

If the skin is still attached, it goes on the bottom first.

I drizzled some oil into the heated frying pan and dropped in the chicken.

A satisfying sizzle echoed as the meat hit the surface.

All that was left was to cook it for a few minutes on one side, flip it, season it, and we’d be done.

Simple.

Just as I thought that, Nishida and Minami returned.

“Kou-chan, we washed our hands. What do you need us to do?”

“Sorry for the wait. Please let me help.”

I handed them the halved chicken, a mixing bowl, and various seasonings.

“You two are on prep duty for the next meal. Minami, cut the chicken into bite-sized pieces. Nishida, grate the garlic and ginger. Once that’s done, mix them all together in the bowl with the seasonings—massage it in real good.”

As I passed them the soy sauce, mirin, and cooking sake, Nishida’s face lit up.

Looks like he realized what we were making.

“Leader! You’re the best!”

“…? So, I just need to cut the meat into smaller pieces?”

Each of them responded in their own way before silently getting to work.

Good, good. Minami was really starting to fit in.

That’s a good sign.

“Kita-kun, I think it’s about ready. The bread’s warmed up too… want to taste-test it? It seems kinda hard.”

“Ah, right. Wouldn’t want to burn the chicken. As for the bread… take a bite and see how it is. Either way, I’ll leave that to you. Good or bad, we won’t know until we try it.”

“Roger that.”

As I flipped the chicken, a beautifully golden brown surface appeared.

Nice, nice. It looked delicious.

After searing the other side for a few more minutes, I wiped off the excess fat.

I used this strange cotton we bought—it was supposed to be great for absorbing oil.

Apparently, it was made from the wool of a magical beast sheep. A special breed, at that.

Despite being a rare type of material, the beast itself was common, so it was surprisingly cheap.

And ohh heaven, this stuff absorbs oil like a sponge.

I bet if you tossed a baseball-sized chunk into a pot of oil, it’d soak up everything.

With this handy tool, I removed the excess grease before adding soy sauce, mirin, sake, and sugar.

Honestly, aside from the sugar, those three were an unbeatable combo.

They worked for ginger pork, yakitori, even karaage.

You could just add whatever else you needed—it was the ultimate seasoning set for simple, hearty meals.

I coated the chicken thoroughly in the sauce, letting it soak up the flavor and take on a rich color.

Finally, I pulled it from the pan.

“Alright, it’s done. Here you go—teriyaki made from some weird blue bird.”

Another day, another solid “men meal.”

The bold flavors, the rough cooking style—this was our kind of survival food.

And honestly, it felt right.

For us, right now, this was perfect.

“Thanks for the meal!”

We clapped our hands together and all took a big bite of our blue bird teriyaki chicken burgers.

And the verdict—

“This is amazing! But… the bread’s tough… Feels like stale French bread.”

“What’s up with this chicken?! It’s insanely good! The veggies are great too! But the bread… nah. Not working. I can chew through it, though.”

“It’s delicious… but yeah, the bread’s an issue… I tried soaking it in olive oil and doing other stuff, but it’s still hard and doesn’t have much flavor.”

“Um… that’s just how ration bread is. It’s either tasteless, overly salty, or sour. But this chicken and these vegetables are really amazing. I almost feel guilty eating something this good…”

At first, Minami used to insist, “Slaves are supposed to eat their master’s leftovers.”

But now, we’d managed to get her to sit at the same table and eat with us.

That was progress.

Still, I wanted to make sure she ate well.

The girl was way too skinny—practically scrawny.

She had cute cat ears and a tail, sure, but that just made it worse.

She was tiny, and her frame was so fragile-looking it made me worried.

Right now, she was wearing leather armor, but if she took it off and went back to her old raggedy dress, she’d look like any other orphan.

Wait, my wording sounds off.

Anyway, by the end of this survival trip, I had to get some weight on her.

“Since we have the magic bag, let’s just switch to normal bread. Or better yet, rice.”

“Rice, huh… Haven’t seen any in the market, though.”

“Yeah… I’m seriously craving a proper bowl of rice by now.”

“If it’s kome you’re looking for, they do sell it. It’s just not common, so the shops that carry it are tucked away in the back streets. Some merchants deal with it through private contracts since there’s demand.”

“”Tell us more, right now!“”

Apparently, rice did exist in this world.

Thinking about it, with all the soy sauce, mirin, and other familiar seasonings around, it wasn’t surprising.

It made sense.

But somehow, we just never managed to find it.

“Umm… I’ll guide you when we return to the town next time. I’ve only heard about it, so I don’t know the details exactly.”

“””Please do！”””

Minami let out a wry smile, looking slightly overwhelmed.

It’s only been a few days since she joined our group, but… has she started to look a bit healthier?
At first, I was worried if she’d be able to handle survival rations, but surprisingly, she eats heartily.
Well, that’s definitely a good thing.

“Alright, for now, let’s finish our meal. We can’t get rice anytime soon, but I heard something getting caught in the traps we set.”

The moment those words were spoken, everyone stuffed their mouths with teriyaki burgers.

Delicious—this meat is incredibly good.

From now on, whenever we find one of those blue birds, we’ll hunt them immediately.
Luckily, with Minami’s skill in dismantling, we can also harvest beautiful blue feathers, magic stones, and other materials.
If it were just us handling it, more than half of it would probably get ruined.

While thinking about that, we finished eating and grabbed our weapons.

“Alright. Minami, do you know which trap it was?”

“Southeast. That’s the trap with red herbs and the helmet bait, so it’s probably a squirrel or something.”

“Then I’ll go retrieve the squirrel. You guys take a little more rest—”

“Ah, something got caught in the northwest trap too. Probably something big.”

The moment Nishida casually mentioned that, it seemed like another prey had been caught.

Oh my, what a great haul.

As I couldn’t help but grin, everyone’s eyes turned toward me.

“Alright then, we’ll deal with the big one first, then the squirrel. After that, I kinda want some fish again.”

With those half-hearted instructions, we started moving.

Truly carefree.

If there’s something we want to do or something we want to eat, that takes priority.

A lifestyle that would’ve been unthinkable on the “other side.”

Just pure freedom.

Move, eat, sleep, and move again to survive.

Surprisingly, life in this world isn’t so bad.

(Minami POV)

I had underestimated the Masters

Weird people who eat magical beasts.

That’s what I thought of them, but they were more than just that.

“CHESTOOO!” (kendo hitting score if I’m not wrong, yes point on hitting chest)

“You serious!? You got it with that!? I’m diving in to get it!”

“Even though it’s a river, there are so many sea creature-looking things here… Mind if I look for some shellfish? Ah! I just saw a shrimp!”

We had found a new water spot.

Kitayama-sama threw his slightly cracked spear into the water.

Then Nishida-sama went in to retrieve it.

Meanwhile, Azuma-sama casually collected shellfish at his own pace.

But here’s the thing—they’re all still wearing full plate armor.

Yet they dive into the river without a care… or rather, they just sink.

I don’t even know what to say anymore—so many things don’t make sense.

First off, who catches fish by throwing spears from the riverbank?

And why does Nishida-sama come back with several fish every time he dives?

On top of that, Azuma-sama surfaces with an armful of shellfish.

Let me clarify something: these are magical beasts.

Just like last time, we’re talking about large carnivorous fish and bivalves that supposedly never let go once they clamp down.

They catch these dangerous creatures without batting an eye.

At this point, I don’t even know if I can say I’ve gotten used to it.

I’ve decided not to worry about the fact that since we eat magical beasts.

But honestly, their methods of hunting are just plain weird.

“Alright, this should be enough. For lunch, we’ll have fried bird from earlier. Dinner will be something with seafood. We’ll camp here for the night.
Azuma, clear out some stones on the riverbank and set up the tents. Nishida, gather firewood and mountain vegetables.
Minami, go ahead and clean the fish we’ve caught so far.”

“”Understood!””

“Y-Yes…”

I guess I just have to get used to it.

Their camping skills are somewhere between a bandit and a seasoned ranger.

Since we’re in this forest, we’ve only dealt with magical beasts, but if we went to a normal forest, there’d be plenty of wild animals.

If that happens, they’d probably eat everything in sight.

Wild animals are much smaller compared to magical beasts, after all.

That’s how over-the-top and efficient their hunting is.

Before we even got to this riverside, they’d already “casually” hunted a few magical deer and birds.

“Minami, do we need to… purge the sand from these? I’m not really familiar with shellfish.”

Kitayama-sama frowned as he lined up the magical beasts we’d just gathered by the riverside.

I don’t get it—why do these people act so different outside of battle?

Sigh—with a soft breath, I picked up one of the shellfish laid out in front of me.

“Since it’s not the sea, I don’t think it’s that necessary… but it’s probably better to do it just in case. I’ve never tried it with magical beasts, but if the usual method works, I’ll handle it.”

“Thanks, I knew we could count on you. If you weren’t here, we wouldn’t be able to eat this.”

“It’s nothing, really.”

And these people always go out of their way to compliment me.

Even over the most trivial things, they exaggerate.

It feels a bit unsettling, but… being relied on like this makes me just a little bit happy.