Under the Dusk - Chapter 35

Ji Yan only gave her a taste.

After that, no matter what she said, he didn’t go any further. But Ruan Shu’s tightness was undeniable—so much so that he almost couldn’t pull out.

He coaxed her for a long time with his tongue, carefully tending to her until she was satisfied enough to sleep. Yet her fingers still wandered over his abdomen, prompting Ji Yan to catch her hand, bring it to his lips, and press several kisses to her skin.

“Sleep.”

He hadn’t found relief himself and planned to take care of it outside after she fell asleep—no sense dirtying her sleeping bag.

But Ruan Shu called out, “Yan-ge.”

He didn’t really want to hear it.

Covering her lips with his hand, he bit down lightly on her collarbone before trailing slow, lazy kisses back up to her neck. His voice was thick with exhaustion, laced with helpless affection. “What else do you want, hm?”

He’d kissed her. Touched her.

When she’d begged for him to enter, he’d resisted but finally gave in, thrusting just enough to satisfy her—though he’d spent the next few minutes paranoid that pre-c*m might’ve slipped out. He’d gone down on her until she was writhing in pleasure. What more could she possibly want?

Yet Ji Yan still felt like a complete bastard.
Unaware that he was already calculating how long it would take for her to turn twenty, Ruan Shu cupped his face and kissed him softly.

“Don’t mess around,” he muttered, lips quirking into a half-smile.

“Yan-ge.”

“Mm.”

She burrowed deeper into his arms, sensing his caution came from overthinking.

Ruan Shu knew him well enough—he wasn’t the irresponsible type. Birds of a feather flock together, after all, and so far, she hadn’t met a single one of his friends who wasn’t decent. Even He Yunfei, who seemed like an airhead, had only ever dated Pei Qian.

No, Ji Yan was just… dense.

Oblivious where he should’ve been perceptive, careless where he should’ve been attentive. But once someone like Pei Qian pointed things out, he’d jump into action faster than anyone. Earlier, while everyone was gathered around that giant grass carp, he’d somehow found time to weave a ring out of straw and sneak it into the fish’s mouth—just to surprise Pei Qian when she gutted it.

…

Though she ended up being scolded again— “Are you out of your damn mind?”

Ruan Shu felt that Ji Yan understood things more clearly than anyone else. He was sharp enough to see who was genuinely interested in him and who was just pretending. And if they were, he never gave them a chance.
Pei Qian and Cen Baishuang could call him “Brother Yan” because they were his friends’ girlfriends—practically family by extension. It was natural for them to address him that way.

But she was nothing.

She was the exception. The indulgence. The favoritism.

Someone who could sleep with him and just as easily be left behind.

Ji Yan sensed that she might want to say something, but he suddenly felt drowsy. Pulling her closer, he muttered, “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

Ruan Shu didn’t even need to check her phone before reminding him, “It’s past midnight. It is tomorrow.”

“…”

Ji Yan nearly laughed in frustration.

Fine. Let’s hear it.

“Alright.” He pinched her cheek. “You’ve got five seconds. Talk.”

“Be my boyfriend.”

Six words. Give her one more second and she could’ve managed it.

But this wasn’t something she should’ve been the one to say. Even though Ji Yan had always assumed that, from the start, she’d just wanted to sleep with him—her gaze filled with desire but never pure affection.

It stung a little.

But he hadn’t lost out.

“You don’t have to worry about me getting accidentally pregnant,” Ruan Shu said. “My parents died in a car crash before I was born. I was lucky—I survived inside my mother, but I was delivered prematurely by C-section. My health’s never been great. I might not even be able to have kids.”

Aside from Sang Wanyin, she’d never told anyone this.

Her adoptive parents were wonderful people. If her mischievous younger brother hadn’t dug out the adoption papers from the cabinet, she’d never have known the truth.

Not that it changed anything.

Her adoptive parents loved her just the same—spoiling her when she deserved it, scolding her when she didn’t—no different from any other family. Like when it came time to choose her major, her father had wanted her to study business so she could help manage the family company. Ruan Shu refused, secretly applying for design school instead and even running off to Kanyang.

In retaliation, her father cut off her allowance, hoping to humble her stubbornness. But Ruan Shu was just as hardheaded—relying on her savings and refusing to go back and apologize.

Ji Yan took a moment to process this. “You didn’t go home for winter break?”

“I did,” she admitted. “I just spent New Year’s hiding at Sang Wanyin’s place.”

She said it so matter-of-factly.

Who would’ve thought? In that 95-pound body, 94.5 pounds of it was pure defiance.

Ji Yan made a mental note never to piss her off. If she got mad enough to disappear without a trace, he’d be the one left panicking and heartbroken.

“That’s still not an excuse.” His voice dropped as he circled back, thumb brushing her cheek. “Poor health can be improved. Whether you can have kids or not doesn’t matter. But as long as the possibility isn’t zero, you can’t just indulge me like this.”

“Ruan Shu, I was a commitment-phobe. You can curse me out all you want for the past. But now? I know exactly what I want. Even if you insist on keeping things undefined between us—fine. I’ll take it.”

***

Old Zhang didn’t keep him completely in the dark.

Before arriving, he hadn’t known the situation and accidentally let slip that “Brother Yan is a commitment-phobe.” That’s why Old Zhang asked him if he was in a relationship.

Ji Yan admitted he was. Old Zhang paused, slightly surprised but understanding, and simply said, “Weren’t you the one who said you’d never get married?”

Because he had no plans to marry, he avoided relationships altogether—steering clear of even potential flirtations.

But Ruan Shu was an unexpected variable he couldn’t control.

Last month, when he contacted Cheng Zi’an, Ji Yan even asked her: “Am I kind of a scumbag?”

Cheng Zi’an, utterly unfazed, cracked sunflower seeds over the phone and replied, “What? Did you sleep with her?”

Ji Yan: “Yeah.”

Damn, bold move, she thought.

But Cheng Zi’an was blunt by nature. She laid it out for her shameless younger friend: “Then yeah, you are a scumbag. But if you’re good in bed, that’s a different story. Maybe the girl’s just playing around too—don’t overestimate yourself. Just because you’re decent-looking doesn’t mean everyone wants to marry you. Know your worth. She might even beg you not to take responsibility.” She then added a three-word mantra: “Don’t be delusional.”

Ji Yan stayed silent because he couldn’t argue.

If he hadn’t been the one to lose his head first, he wouldn’t have assumed Ruan Shu liked him to begin with.

With a stiff expression, Ji Yan replied coldly, “Oh.”

“But what if,” he said, “I told her I actually do want to get married?”

“Wow, congratulations!” Cheng Zi’an exaggerated. “Then you’re not a scumbag—you’re just insane.”

“…”